A
female
age
30-35,
*uttons4me88
writes:I feel like I'm not being treated properly in my relationship but I love the guy I'm with and it's so hard to figure out what to do. I feel lost, I'd don't know what's right or wrong. Me and him had a fight at the weekend gone, we spent a few days apart since and it seemed like everything was ok up until this evening. I messaged him telling him how much I missed him. This was early in the morning.My boyfriend is a big bowling player and he messaged back telling me that he got a call about a league which starts tonight. I didn't know about this. He initially asked me to go and then he strayed the conversation around to make it as though he never asked. It's hard to explain.When it came down to it. I couldn't go but I asked him did he want me to come over after the bowling. He said he was planning on watching a football game. Some of you might think I'm silly, maybe not but I got so angry at this. We've had a few days apart, not speaking, not seeing each other and I asked to see him before anything else came along. It just feels like I'm Second. I mean he doesn't even have a team for the league, he went out of his way to go to that instead of being with me. I normally don't care. It's just he made it out as if I was the one who asked to go. I just don't like him anymore, he's getting too cocky, too full of himself. All he cares about his sports, bowling etc..... I mean if you've not spoken to your Bae or whatever in a few days and then you patch things up, wouldn't you want to see them? And tomorrow night he's bowling again, I just can't stand this. Then Saturday he's going out again, why even be with someone if you are never there?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2015): Read your post, and tell me what's there to love? Maybe your love is being poured into an empty vessel, who sees you as his property. Then, I also see a very needy lady.
He didn't invite you out bowling; because he was avoiding
an emotional melt-down in-front of his friends.
When I read long posts describing all the rotten things a boyfriend does to a girlfriend; I wonder how much is only venting, and how much is actually seeking advice? It is usually predicated with..."but I love him."
I mean...seriously, girlfriend?!!
If he listens to anything you say, which I doubt; because you may not be assertive enough to make a point. I would suggest you have a heart to heart talk. Not a whiny session of tears and emotionalizing. You have to be able to keep his attention and make him listen. Tell him how you feel neglected and pushed aside. Also have the nuggets to decide whether you really want to let a guy treat you like that.
Demand respect, don't beg for it. Give it in return.
You can come to us to put your feelings in written words; and get some feedback. You'll have to take an action that will payoff for you emotionally. Lay down some rules about your feelings, be fair in your expectations; and for goodness sake, use maturity when you express yourself to him. Don't get all girly. Guys don't really listen when you do that, they look you in the eyes with a bubble above their head reading as follows:
"Here we go again with the tears, the whining, long drawn-out testimonials about our relationship; and how much of an assh*le I am."
He's not listening. The minute you say, "now about our relationship...!" He's mortified and in shock like a deer in headlights; wishing he could rush for the door; but you'll freak-out. Standing there in body only, his mind in another place. Out chucking back beers with the boys. He'll listen for a minute, fake being pissed-off, and storm off.
Free to go chuck-back those beers; and tell his friends he had to leave, or spend the night arguing with no sex or cuddles afterwards.
Have a straight-up talk with your man. Ask him what you could do to compromise, and ask for his suggestions on how you both can improve on your relationship? Listen carefully without interruption. He will not be emotional, and he will say it all in a few words. Guys aren't that emotional; so they don't express their feelings outwardly. Just get him to talk, and promise to listen like a woman. Not a teary teenage girl.
Be prepared to end it if you don't see any attempt to compromise, or discuss things. That's a sign you're infatuated. The feelings you have aren't being reciprocated.
So don't waste your time being in-love with being in-love, while he's totally oblivious, and rather be out chillin' with the fellas!
If he likes bowling, its recreation and fun. If you're not clingy and making him look whipped in-front of his buddies, you'd be welcome to come. Giving him some benefit of the doubt, in all fairness.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (27 August 2015):
 Don't you have friends of your own? If so I'd make plans to go hang out with them, go have fun, not sit around and WAIT for him to ask you to spend time with him.
I think you two might be a little... bad in the communication department. It's like you talk past each other and then interpret what was said in the worst manner you can think off.
I think you should be more direct with him.
It's OK to say I want to see you when does it work for you? If he hew and haws and don't give you a day that will work, then he isn't really so interested. But saying I have really missed you (means to you I want to see you) to him? it might just have meant I have missed you. The HINT you put out there ( I want to see you soon) he didn't catch OR he blatantly ignored it.
As for his sports/bowling. I think it's GOOD for a guy to have hobbies. Not just expect the girl to provide all the entertainment. BUT... he shouldn't put his GF second AFTER the hobby.
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