A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have no interest in anything since my affair with a woman I cared deeply for ended.I had an affair for over a year with my cousins wife months before the affair I was attracted to this woman she made my heart race and made me imagine life in a whole new level. She lost almost five stone and when I saw her for the first time I couldn’t believe her insane beauty I almost hated my cousin for it. Her bubbly nature would light up the room and she had a way with words. After a long process of flirting to getting her number to texting she finally took an interest. She was always a sweet woman. So polite. The first night she responded positively to me after a flirtatious comment I made and kissed me I didn’t sleep . After 2 months of texting on an emotional level we planed a night away. We met far out of town and stayed in a room the entire night. We relieved our sexual tension we built up for months and ended up having sex up to 6 times that night but it wasn’t just sex we talked the entire night we connected we finally could touch hug and feel every kiss we sent though text for once it felt real. I can’t describe how special that night was. All was going well over the next few months we had dreams hopes , we had planned to move away be together I even told her I wanted to marry her have babies with her and I still do so badly. She wanted it just as much. We met up many times I felt alive she made me feel desired and I made her feel like the only woman on the planet because to me she was all I ever wanted. It was all until I messed up. I met them in the supermarkets he had his hand around her and I couldn’t help but get irritated . I then began to over think drink and wonder and I asked her if her and her husband were still sexually active and she told me yes. They have been married 3 years i was married for over 13 years with my wife our sex life was dormant. I could feel a rage surge through me I got jealous. I lashed out . I told her that she wasn’t being loyal to me fooling me and that I want nothing more to do with her. I felt how could she tell me she would have babies with me one day but have sex with her husband it killed me. I told her our affair was over . She begged me that she cared for me and couldn’t not have sex with her husband that he would be suspicious. What made me worse was knowing they had a very active sex life . The next morning I woke up in a panic and texted her she wasn’t responding I called her she wouldn’t answer . When her husband was out she wouldn’t open the door it was then. I realised I really messed up. At a family party for the first time in 3 weeks I saw her and my heart began to race I knew this was the make or break moment. We made eye contact for an hour from a distance until finally she walked away and I quickly followed her outside she was after wine she was slightly tipsy and when she saw me walking towards her she said oh god. I told her I meant nothing she told me she cares for me adores me but she wants to remain friends I took her hand and told her that I know she doesn’t mean that. She then said do this another time it’s too risky . After that she began to respond through text. I begged her to finally meet me alone no distractions and talk to me. We stayed together in a hotel we kissed but we didn’t have sex as much as I wanted to. We opened up about what we wanted I told her how much I’ve wanted to be with her and she said she can’t do it because of her fear of our partners reactions. She said she’s too afraid. She broke down and said how tore between me and the aftermath of all our family lashing out . I agreed and we agreed we would remain close friends but end the affair. All I want to do now is leave my wife and beg her to take a chance with me. In the last few months we have still met eachother through going out for dinner house meet ups gatherings all however with our partners . Many of these nights I have flirted she has smiled, I whispered dirty things in her ears kissed her neck and she has loved it. I’d touch her she would touch me and I can feel us getting close like the first time. We have kissed too. I know what is happening is wrong but I can promise me and my wife do not have a relationship anymore . We haven’t had sex in almost 5 years we do not get along and haven’t done so long before our affair. I just need advice on what i should do. I really am in deep love with this lady .
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2020): Your cousins wife/main squeeze is a cheater, and she keeps her tracks covered, so her husband does not get wise to you two: thats how she is able to have sex with her husband! You are a despicable cheater also OP! You not only cheat on your wife, but you go after another mans wife: and the other man is your own blood cousin! Also you are a loose cannon OP, calling your lover out at a family party? Also you flirt with her, in front of her husband, and your own wife? If you are smart, you will end the affair, and have NO contact with your cousins wife, because if he has as little regard for you, as you do for him, and he learns of your affair and posessiveness of his wife, he may well, make you disappear from the face of the earth! I certainly pray not, for your cousins sake, because spending life in prison, for the likes of you, would be a terrible waste! You cheaters amaze me. Did you forget that your wedding vows were made to GOD, as well as your spouse?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2020): You sound like a predator and act like you have some ownership over this woman. She is married, she is in a sexual marriage and she clearly wants to be with him in every sense of the word, she was maybe flattered, maybe thought she wants the excitement of another man wanting her and a fling, maybe things are not always so great in her marriage and you caught her in that moment.
But this is all about you and what you want and it is basic lust based on her transforming how she looks and she eventually caved into your attention.
I doubt very much even if you split from your wife and her her husband would you end up and stay together, affairs rarely work and even more so with the circumstances around yours.
My advice is leave your wife, be single, you clearly know how to flirt with other women and you will meet someone else. Restart your life, restart dating and meet someone else the right way, like her you are simply addicted to the excitement and the lust, if it all came out you would BOTH not feel the same way!
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A
female
reader, mystiquek  + ♥, writes (4 January 2020):
 I have been on DC for 13 years now and this is one kind of post that I really don't understand. Why on earth would you come on here and lie all your dirty little secrets out and then think that you will get advice about how to break up 2 families?
OP..come on. You are an adult and you have to know that what you are doing is wrong in so many ways. You are hurting your wife (children?), your cousin (he's family!) and his life. If your affair continues its just a matter of time before someone finds out. Then what? Are you going to come clean with everyone? Do you really think everyone is going to cheer you on and say "yay..go for it!" The family will take sides and you and the woman will most likely be outcasts for the rest of your life from your family. Is that what you want?
How can you do this to your cousin? Seriously? The only thing worse would be if he was your brother.
Think about it too. The old saying "if they cheat with you they'll cheat on you" is always a factor when two people cheat. You'll always be wondering if she'll be faithful to you. And she will probably wonder the same about you.
If you don't love your wife, then you should be a man and leave her. Let her find someone else that will love her or else just give her freedom. She deserves that. I understand that people fall out of love. I don't understand why you are cheating with a family member's spouse. Family should be off limits.
I wonder what will happen if your cousin finds out? He may want to beat the crap out of you. Thought of that? Or maybe he'll just be totally disgusted and turn his cheating wife over to you and say "there you go".
I doubt that this whole thing will end well though. Relationships that start out by cheating rarely ever last.
In a way I feel sorry for you. I feel even more sorry for your wife. Honestly? I hope she finds out and takes you to the cleaners.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (3 January 2020):
 I would just add a couple of small points to what has already been said.
Firstly, "She lost almost five stone and when I saw her for the first time I couldn’t believe her insane beauty" - this shows you are in LUST, not love. What would happen if you got together and she put the 5 stone back on? What about if she got pregnant and looked like a baby elephant?
Secondly, could you actually trust her at all if you two did get together? You must have heard the saying, "win them by cheating, lose them to cheating". Given that she is still having sex with her husband, who probably thinks everything is hunky dory in their marriage, would you ever feel secure with her? If you are at all human, you would be constantly wondering if she was doing to you what she has done to her husband. She is obviously a good liar. Not a good thing on which to build a relationship.
Last but not least, are you willing to give up your whole family for her? If you two were to get together, they are bound to side with her husband, the wronged party.
You really need to start thinking with your BIG brain, not the one inside your pants.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (3 January 2020):
 So why are you still married?
The amount of posts we see where people claim they hate their partner and they can’t stand the sight of each other. Don’t love each other anymore and don’t have sex yet they’re still together. Why? What’s the point? Why waste each other’s time?
There’s so much wrong here, betraying your marriage vows, betraying your family and a whole lot of self pity. Get a grip of yourself, if you both REALLY wanted to be together you’d of done the correct thing, left your partners and started a relationship together.
It’s really hard to believe how much you love each other when you fuck in a hotel room and go home to your spouse afterwards. Have a long hard look in the mirror.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (3 January 2020):
 You are absolutely off the planet with this fantasy. And THAT is all that it is.
SHE is married. YOU are married.
You have no RIGHT to make ANY claims on HER fidelity when you yourself can't even be faithful to the woman you made your vows with. Whether you have sex with your wife or not is irrelevant here. If you don't get love and intimacy at home, that is between YOU and your wife. Whether you stay with her or divorce her, YOU cheating with you COUSIN'S wife doesn't give you any rights what so ever to expect fidelity from that woman.
The ONLY reason YOU can "promise" your lover fidelity is because you weren't having sex anyways with your wife. Not really a sacrifice on your end, was it? She has only been married to her husband for 3 years so the probability of them still having sex is pretty high, especially if they want kids.
If THEY choose to divorce, what kind of ABSOLUTE DRAMA in YOUR own family.... do you think it will cause it you start to court her, shack up with her or even marry her?
Did you even THINK beyond your own greed and your own nose?
You OP need to get a grip.
It doesn't matter if you and your wife is having sex, WRONG is WRONG. Cheating is WRONG. Cheating with a FAMILY member's wife is even more WRONG.
What in the World are you thinking? Hint, YOU are not. You are letting your penis do the thinking and THIS is what it ends up with.
A total CLUSTERFU@K.
If you starts to use the brain to the north (your head) you will know that this IS NOT OK and should NOT continue. As NEITHER of you are free to commit to each other. Right now you are just a pair of filthy liars and cheaters. IS that what you want to be?
And if you have kids or she has kids, Did you ever ONCE stop to think about them? You OBVIOUSLY didn't think of your wife...
Shame on you.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (3 January 2020):
 Why don't you leave her first if your marriage is as dead as you say it is? Neither of you will leave your spouse but have no problem fooling around. What advice did you think you'd get here?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2020): Wow! What sad sorry self pitying load of drivel.
As the others have said, it's the same old BS every married man spews out when he comes here.
I would love it if if transpired that your wife was having an affair also and was on the verge of leaving you. I'd actually find that funny.
To put it politely, I couldn't give a monkey's about the big fantasy you've cooked up in your head. You went after your cousin's wife like some kind of predator and wore her down until she gave in and had an affair with you. She has sex with her husband because she loves him.
What have done is downright disgusting and I hope karma has it's way and hangs you out to dry.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2020): Typo correction:
"Then try to put lipstick on pig by claiming to be in-love!"
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2020): The same soap opera/romance novel/cheater's tale we've seen tens of hundreds of times before. All love below the waist!
Why don't people leave their spouses first? Why write for advice when you know there's nothing either of you can do while you're still married, but get caught?!!!
Your tale is the same as any other story of adultery. Two horny people lust for each other until they do the nasty.
Then try to put lipstick on pig by claiming to be in=love!
She never planned to leave her husband. She just wanted some intrigue and to scratch an itch. Check-out what you got hanging for being so bold as to flirt with your own cousin's wife. Now she knows. Would be a shame if she's disappointed!
She still has sex with her husband, guess he's still the man!
Your wife won't give you any, and it's quite likely that this isn't your first affair. If there is a molecule of truth to any of this; I would think your cheating-ways is why your wife has froze-up on you. Cheating on your wife with your cousin's wife takes a man with no moral-code and a very icy-heart.
Sorry, friend. There is no happily-ever-after! The best thing that could happen to either of you, is getting caught! Then maybe you will divorce your respective spouses; as you should have done before all this happened.
Go ask your cousin for his blessing and his wife's hand in marriage. Let's see how it goes?
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (3 January 2020):
 AuntyBimBim is right. Divorce your wife and make sure you give spousal payments to her to keep her financially secure. Then you ask your cousin to leave his wife, so you can be with her, since your affair has been so successful. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (2 January 2020):
 You need to show this lady how serious you are so the first thing is to end your marriage ….. make sure you look after your wife financially, as is the honourable thing to do.
Then ask your cousin for advise on how to get his wife to leave him and commit to you, after all he has lived with her for a number of years and so should know her well.
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