A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:The other night I was having beers with a few mates, on my back deck .Being a single male there is always people at my house they come and go as they please pretty relax and social atmosphereMy neighbour came over with a drink as her husband was away for the weekend. Any ways after a few drinks and several hours in the spaIt was just her and I left. The next moment she put it on me and I said I was flattered but I couldn't as I'm good mates with her husband.So after rejecting the idea althoe was very tempting.I left the spa and almost called it a night trying to get her get across the message not a good idea. Any ways I went for shower and bed The next thing she was naked and lying next to me and my weakness took hold of me. I had a great time but thought that it was a one night thing. Anyways the next day she starts texting me and before I knew it we where back in the bedroom. I feel so guilty I want to go and tell him I cheated with his wife. I have know idea what to do and I don't want to break up a marriage?I stuffed up What should I do.
View related questions:
neighbour, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2014): I'd love to tell you to inform her husband, partially because she deserves it and partially because he deserves to know. However, it's not your place unless you're best friends with him - in which case you'd still lose him but you'd also be doing the best friend thing and letting him know what his wife is really like.In this situation, you need to cut all ties with both of them because it's disrespectful if you try to be his friend still whilst hiding that you betrayed his trust big time.You have to figure out a way to tell him you can't see/talk to him any more, without making it blatantly obvious it's because you slept with his wife.Out of curiosity, how did she end up naked next to you without you realising and kicking her out before temptation kicked in? Why didn't you MAKE her leave and lock up your place before you went for a shower and to sleep?
A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A +, writes (22 May 2014):
 Yeah I think you took the; “Love Thy Neighbour” a bit too literally... She certainly threw more than her leg over the fence that night and gave you a cocktail that produced quite a heavy hangover of guilt… But mate, if that wasn’t enough, you went back for seconds the next day? I think both of you knew what you were doing then?
Sure enough, as mentioned you’ll have to wear the guilt as punishment, as a lesson… Just keep your mouth and fly zipped :) Let her be the bearer of her own undoing… I suspect you’ll need to get some strong anti-deodorant ‘cause you’ll be sweating this out hoping it never reaches her husband’s ear!?
Cheers – CAA
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2014): Hi guys
Cheers for the response.
I didn't realise people got so into it.
Having not posted any thing before or having Face book it blows me out people are even interested.
Back to everyone's response.
As I can now tell Yes I did fuk up - no excuses & take full response for my action & poor decision.
I knew her situation
Also as some one mentioned I must have want it to happen even before it started.
Clearly I couldn't talk to any one about it as I don't want to be found out.
For obvious reasons.
Another comment was made- by me telling my story it would make me feel less guilty, clearly that's why I did it.
Once again cheers for the responses
It does make it a bit clearer where I stand.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (21 May 2014):
 How about using the word NO!
Confessing won't do YOU any good, nor their marriage. I'd tell HER on the other hand to find herself another F-toy.
...............................
A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (21 May 2014):
 Ok so you slipped up a couple of times. It happens to the best of us. I would advise that you do not tell the husband, and don't sleep with her again. She sounds like trouble. This is probably not the first time she slept with her husband's best mate. If the husband finds out, you may end up getting a black eye and a really bad neighbour. Not worth the hassle, in my opinion.
...............................
A
female
reader, YoungButNotNaive  +, writes (20 May 2014):
 In my opinion, you shouldn't say anything to him. Yes, you screwed up big time, but you're not the one who is married to him. There were obviously already issues (whether they were spoken of or not) in their marriage, if she's so willing to hop into bed with someone else the moment he's away. It's up to HER to talk to her husband to get these issues resolved. I feel you are trying to make excuses for your behavior when you say things like, "Almost called it a night", "The next thing she was naked and lying next to me" and "she starts texting me and before I knew it we where back in the bedroom". Look, I don't care if she was doing the hula dance naked. You're still responsible for your actions. I'd save the "lecture" if you had straight up told her to leave. Because if you had, it wouldn't have happened the first time, never mind AGAIN the next day. If you truly didn't intend for anything to happen, you would have told her to go home the INSTANT she started to coming on to you. After telling her you were flattered but couldn't, you should have then said, "I think it's best if you leave now". Temptation wouldn't have had TIME to get the better of you if you had sent her on her way right then.Let me put this in a different perspective for you: Is she the ONLY attractive woman in this world? No. There are plenty of SINGLE, attractive women out there, that you shouldn't have so much trouble resisting one that is married to someone you call your FRIEND. The guilt you feel is your punishment. Take it as a lesson learned the hard way, and DON'T do it again. She is NOT worth it.
...............................
A
male
reader, M Proops  +, writes (20 May 2014):
She doesn't come over as the faithful wife,there might be problems in the marriage if she came on to you.If you do tell him expect fireworks at the least.She might blurt it out in an argument which would be just as bad.You can pretend it never happened and avoid this cheating wife like the plague and hope for the best.
...............................
A
male
reader, RevMick +, writes (20 May 2014):
 Hi OP,
You screwed up, and I hope you learn from this. I think own up, take the beating you so readily deserve.
It does take 2 to tango, but you my friend did the tango, waltz, horizontal mambo and a whole host of other dances.
She was in the wrong for using your bed, but I think you could have resisted and got her out of the house and out of your bed.
I don't want to come across as the bad Agony Uncle, but you shit in someone else's litter tray. Stop letting people come and go as they please, and definitely don't take a shower and go to bed with someone else in the house.
What did you think was going to happen?
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (20 May 2014):
 You said this:
"I have know idea what to do and I don't want to break up a marriage?"
*She* broke it up and you went to the slaughter willingly, not once but twice. She pulled a trick so old that it's Biblical, with the whole "my husband is away" and she unclothed and spread smooth seductions onto your bed. You just went your way, yoked by lust and on the path to your own destruction.
You are in hot water and there is no way out of it except for straight through it. The person that should be owning up to it is his wife, because she is the primary betrayer of the marriage. You also betrayed him by not respecting his marriage to his wife and not turning her away. Seriously, she's alone in your house? What guy clearly showers and heads to bed without telling her to go home FIRST?? You knew what you were doing. You had it in your heart before you saw her naked in your bed. If she were such an unwelcome person there, you could have told her to go home and if she didn't budge, you could have called the police to remove the wanton trespasser.
This is what I propose. You need to talk to HER and tell her that it wasn't right what the two of you did twice, and give her one chance to tell her husband HERSELF what the two of you did. She is the cheater, and she should face the music and tell.
Otherwise, tell her that if she doesn't, you will. Get ready for a storm when that happens, because a jealous husband shows no mercy and can't be swayed by reparations or placations or pleas of momentary weakness.
There are aunts who would suggest that it's between him and her, so why should you say anything in the first place. My response to that is hinged on your relationship with the guy. Your character is clearly questionable, but if this guy is a friend of yours or you and he are close, then he deserves to know, preferably from her. If you have never met the guy (doesn't sound like that's the case though), then it's your prerogative.
I will warn you about the "don't ask don't tell" thing. If your house is the Grand Central Station of hangouts and she was *this* quick to jump into the sack with you, think it won't come out? She could have been using you to get revenge on something her husband did to her, and then it will really get out. There is a very high probability that he will find out, so ask yourself...will it be easier or harder on you if he finds out from outside sources rather than from her or you? The answer to that should guide what you do next.
Either way, stay away from her! Having sex twice is deplorable enough and can't be blamed on blackout drunk or whatever, but multiple times is disgusting.
...............................
A
male
reader, C. Grant +, writes (20 May 2014):
 You quite rightly feel guilty. You think you'll feel better if you confess -- you'll hand some of your pain over to him. Not so fast. You've already wronged him by screwing his wife. Don't compound it by "confessing". Carry the guilt all by yourself, and maybe it will teach you to be stronger. Their marriage is their problem -- all you can do to help them is to keep it in your pants.
...............................
A
female
reader, horeesheeto +, writes (20 May 2014):
Well, you did stuff up but she sure as heck didn't let the issue go either. What a pickle you are in. If you don't tell the man, she will continue this and it could end in tragedy for one or all of you. If you tell her to buzz off (and mean it), she could flip the b**** switch and throw accusations at you, another terrible situation that may end up in violence. You say you feel terrible, but you KEEP DOING the woman. So you may as well knock off all that nonsense about how "terrible you feel". We sure aren't buying that one. You are enjoying the thrill of the sneak with another man's woman, a man who TRUSTED you, I might add. If you are LUCKY, he won't harm either one of you. If you remain friends, you are lucky. Best of luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2014): It's up to her to tell him - its her husband not yours.
I would just let her know its not happening again and you made a mistake and make sure it remains that way. Keep your distance and let her get on with sorting her sham of a marriage out.
She played close to home and is looking for an out, don't get dragged in any further .
...............................
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (20 May 2014):
 Stuffed up? You're as good as dead! You don't just sleep with a friend's wife in a moment of weakness no matter what the circumstances. What the hell is wrong with you? The unscrupulous wife clearly has no qualms but you should know better.
I don't know what kind of marriage your friends have but its clearly as good as dead. Yes, own up and kick yourself for doing something so lousy and disgusting. Learn from your mistake and stop sleeping with this woman. Don't throw away your values just for the sake of cheap thrills.
...............................
A
male
reader, Hnk +, writes (20 May 2014):
 Change the neighbourhood if possible !
Or tell her strictly she isn't welcome or you'd tell her husband !
...............................
|
