A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I'm wondering if I'm being over sensitive to my boyfriend's need to "play family" with his ex and his children. Every week it seems, on his week's with the kids, she's over for some reason or another. He kept the house, she cheated on him and filed for divorce over 2 years ago and now wants her old life back. My boyfriend admitted to me he did sleep with her when we first were dating and sleeping together, and I can't get over knowing that, every time they need to have family time. At the beginning, his kids loved me, but they would go back to their mom's and talk about me and my BF said it hurt her too bad so I wasn't invited over when they were there anymore. Last night was weird, and when I texted him something was up and I could sense something, he texted "they" were having Christmas with the kids at her house. IDK. Should I just move on? I don't want to be in the way of them remaking a family.
View related questions:
christmas, divorce, his ex, move on, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (25 December 2016):
 How old are his kids? By the age range, it seems they'd be old enough to spend time with you and him together still.
Anyway, I do think it's too hard to "compete" to be in their lives. Let go, if you've already spoken to him about it and he's dismissed it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2016): Wow my heart goes out to you. I know how you must feel. I'm sorry you're going through this. I think you need to move on for you. I realize that is easier said than done when you are in love. Look, your boyfriend might be a good guy, just going through a difficult situation, doesn't know how to balance and has conflicted emotions. I think that knowing he was still sleeping with her at the start of your relationship is going to bother you forever. Yes, this does happen sometimes when we aren't fully disentangled yet, but it makes the whole situation way too emotional. You will never feel secure being part of that family- and how could you?!Go and find someone who is truly free. This is too complicated and will take an awful toll on your mental health.
...............................
A
female
reader, [?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] +, writes (23 December 2016):
![[?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] agony aunt](/avatars/7bb1e9ea-6c2f-43b8-a4f7-0635b7eff08c.png) The fact that he went on the whim of telling you that he was still sleeping with her even when you were dating signals a red flag.
Spending time with his children is normal, but excluding you from the picture isn't at all right. If you're supposed to be his girlfriend, I don't see the problem apart from his former spouse not wanting you in the picture.
If he doesn't fight for you in his life, I'd let him go. He isn't worth the worry or anxiety. You deserve a man who will fight for you, who wants to be with you.. Not exclude you or leave you out of things because someone else doesn't want you around them. That's not fair at all and you definitely don't need that bologna.. I'd ditch him, but do what you see fit.
Hopefully you feel better soon and know you are worth more, he doesn't deserve you. Just know that.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (23 December 2016):
 Yep, let him go.
This isn't a hard one at all. She wants her life back, he wants his family back.
You are no longer welcome around the kids, HOW is that going to work long term? *hint hint* it's not!
He was sleeping with her when he was first dating you, which means part of getting sex, he PROBABLY has a lot of unresolved feelings for her. What does that mean for you? YOU will have no idea if they "play" family in more way than one when she stays over.
HE isn't OVER her, SHE isn't over what HE provided FOR her (whether she wants him because she actually loves him OR because life was easier with him in it.. is impossible for an outsider to say).
I'd say enough is enough, Who wants to be the 3rd wheel in their OWN relationship? If it was just the kids that would be fine, but kids AND an ex who wants him back? Just not looking like you would EVER be his first (or even second, after the kids, priority.)
Wish him well, CUT the contact and DO NOT let him try and use you as an occasional roll in the hay when there are trouble with the ex-wife. You deserve so much more.
...............................
|
