A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:This may be long enough but i'll try to keep it short and simple. I liked her from school. Never talked to her i was a shyguy. After college we meet on facebook. We started talking. Even she had feelings for me since school. The point now is that She is married with two kids. She does truly love me she tries to talk to me every second she can but not when her in-laws are around. I cannot talk to her when i want or even send her a sms. She does not wish to spoil her image.Since she is married she has been mostly fighting with her husband as she said it. Yea she accepted she also has been in a relationship with another guy after marriage. Her husband also has an extra-marital affair which few days back he accepted. I don't mind her being married and her past affairs still i am ready to accept her but she says she won't leave him just for the sake of the kids. Yea he treats her like a servant at times also physically abused her fifth time now and she forgave him the very next day for abusing and also accepting for being in a relationship with other girl. I'll post the mail here which she sent regarding whats on her mind. I am confused too if i should stay or leave them alone. Or should i stay as a hidden friend for a moral support or whatever i am for her. I Love Her still is what i know for what she was and what she is and so does she. But.. better i post the mail."Don't know where to start. Am I happy Am I sad Am I neutral.Don't know if I wanna cry, YES I did cried lil bit.have never hated any1 in my life. but I do hate nisha (The girl her husband is dating) wat do I do. As I know me myself also wrong. I am wid you completely. n will always be.but I don't want anyone like u (special one) to be in husbands life.. Y ?? I don't know. not her any other will do. May b... coz I hate her. I have warned him I want your zero touch with this girl.. and he has said yes. what should I do now. shall I leave him. thinking of the consequences. only for kidz. I don't care for myself. but even if I try to my and his parents will not allow. Any how they shall arrange meetings and after discussion will advice us to stay together. Shall I just keep quite and try to forget it.And think I am staying with this man just for the sake of my kidz and families reputation?shall I run away taking ash (Her daughter) with me?shall I teach nisha a lesson or should i tell her mom everything about her and my husbands affair?but it'll be of no use. she showed that I loose and she won. she took the revenge of her insult.shall I talk to father-in-law? shall I pack my bag and go to moms place? shall I tell him for divorce?? or shall I tell him to not to interfere in my life and I'll not in interfere in yours and we'll stay in one house but not like husband wife.Trying to find out whats missing in me.am better cook then heram from a better familyhe had choosen me and sent a proposal fr marriage. He loved me madly but till marriage then his love disappeared I tried so hard to adjust but I never got any importance from him. which I deserved or as I see other girls get in there inlaws.What should i do?Who shall advice me whats right or wrong?what if I get separated. He (Her husband) can't live without ash (Her daughter) n ash can't live without me.. and apparently I can't live without both my kidz.if I was not wrong. I mean involved with you. I would have left him for sure. Now this guilt factor is killing me. God has slapped me hard. See wat you are doing and if your husband doing the same thing. You are being shattered. Yeaa.... tit for tatshe is a bold girl and she surely knows he is a rich guy and she will not leave him. My Brother said lets talk to your Father-in-law about his affair as he knows about them and he has fear of his father but i don't want in any way ever your name to come anywhere.Mind Jammed. Please give your opinion.Don't wanna take any stupid step."Should i leave her alone? I have asked her too decide what she wants or else i would move on to find someone who is single and available before posting this here.
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affair, divorce, facebook, her past, move on, revenge, shy Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2014): I started a simple fling, being a "friend" to someone that was in a tough marriage...the whole convoluted sob story. Our brief fling turned into a very deep, complex entanglement of an affair that lasted over 12 years. It robbed us both of a lot including spousal intimacy and our respective youths.
When you start affairs and attachments take root, you will probably end up regretting it. After all, what happy ending could there be?
My advice...don't jump in! Just keep moving along.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (4 September 2014):
 I think she is looking for a "knight in shining armor" to take her away from a life she no longer wants.
Culturally, I will presume that her asking for a divorce is MUCH harder for her then it would be for most Western women, so I can see why she is so unsure. She knows what can happen, she likes the "fantasy" of YOU "rescuing" her. Which is why her whole letter is about YOU making choices for her. Should I leave him? Should I tell the girls mom about her affair with my husband?
Honestly, I think she will stay with him. She will HATE every single girl he has affairs with and in retaliation she will find men (like yourself) to bond with emotionally in hope that she will HURT her husband as he hurts her, all the while hoping SHE will get to feel better.
It's TOO much drama. You said you don't mind that she is married? Why not? Would YOU want some guy to pursue you WIFE if she got bored being married to you? Would you be OK with that? I bet you wouldn't. Or you think ANY woman YOU marry would NEVER get bored....
STAY away from married women. They can't GIVE you what you want. They CAN give you drama and "fake" affection. I call it fake because it's NOT given with an open heart.
YES, find yourself someone who is single. Someone who can LOVE YOU and YOU alone.
I think you already know this. This woman may not be a "bad" lady bot she is MARRIED and WITH someone else. If she is as unhappy as she claims THAT is for HER to find a solution to, it is NOT for you to fix.
Move on. Let this one go.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2014): hiJust felt interesting since the persons involves sounds like very much familiar to me.take my opinion seriouslyNo 1. Obsessing over anyone will make you unhappy. Especially when she is married.No 2. Never giveup a friendship for whatever reasons. Friends dont have any limitations.. but a true on will not make other uncomfortableNo 3. you do not need to be loving someone to help himNo 4. Nobody is born cheating.. and one cannot blame other for cheating when in fact the truth might not be that.. one should know the entire things to get a real pictureHaving said these few more things need to be addressed.she loves her husband and kids.. but she could not tolerate his friendship with a special girl (why special .. only i know ask me later). If you do care for her stand with her and convince her that everybody has to go through this phase. life will not be all day fun and jokes. She might be seeming her with a angry eyes. and probably wont be seeing why they are in terms.Meanwhile if you can talk with that special girl try to get her opinion
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A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (4 September 2014):
 The woman is Trouble. From the letter I can see that she wants her husband to give up this affair so that they can be a happy family. You have no place in this picture. She is using you to vent her emotions and to feel desired, because her husband does not make her feel desired. The moment her husband desires her again, she will tell you to leave her alone. She sounds very selfish and she will use you and manipulate you to make her feel good about herself in the meantime. It is her hope that her husband returns to her. She does not hope to be in a serious relationship with you. Her first choice is her husband. She needs your love and adoration to make her feel good about herself, but I really don't think she loves you. If she loved you, she would want to be with you, as your wife / partner. Her letter sounds like a plea to her husband to come back to her. Don't let her destroy you. Find a single woman who would be able to love and adore you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2014): She is married woman who cheats on her husband. Her life is messed up and she makes it that way. She's not just staying for the kids, she is staying because he is rich. You are just another guy on the side, and if you're not careful you'll be discovered. Even if she got a divorce, she has a cheated in the past. Her husband isn't going to just disappear and go away forever. They have children between them, and he will always be in her life. What if he wants revenge, if he finds out about you? He might try to cause trouble in your life.
Get far far away from her, and find someone single with no drama in her life. She blames her husband for his deeds, but she is just as guilty as he is. She hates the woman having an affair with her husband, and may only be using you to get back at him. They both deserve each other.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (4 September 2014):
 Love is Blind and you just need glasses. Need to get off Facebook for good and have more realistic fantasys.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (4 September 2014):
 Tell her to look you up after she gets her divorce. And yes, you need to start looking for someone who is single and has the honor and integrity not to cheat on her partner.
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