A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My Nextdoor neighbour was due to get married in August and asked my 7 year old daughter to be bridesmaid. My daughter was thrilled as she'd never been a bridesmaid before and it was probably her only chance (before shes an adult)as all our relatives and family friends are already married.Anyway my neighbour said that we would be responsible for paying for our daughters bridesmaid dress and shoes and she would pay for her tiara and flowers. We don't have a great deal of money but agreed to do this for our daughters sake.In total we spent just under £200 for the shoes and dress. We managed to find a sales bride shop with some lovely designs but the only catch is that they don't do refunds.2 weeks ago my neighbour sprung it on me that they had a falling out with both families so they decided to cancel the wedding and get married abroad- just the 2 of them!Now I completely understand that it's their decision which I support BUT I am now stuck with a bridesmaid dress and shoes that won't be worn!! It's not even the kind of dress you can wear to a function (unless she's asked to be bridesmaid again to someone else and the shoes match the dress). I explained the situation to the lady at the shop who at best could only allow me to exchange the items for something else which is useless as its a bride shop!I tried selling both items but the best offer I got was £90 for both items which I can't afford to do!I've listed these items on several sale websites but people want something for nothing.I explained the situation to my neighbour who said she couldn't help me out as she was too strapped for cash! I feel she is partly responsible after all she asked my daughter to be on her wedding which now isn't going ahead - I feel that maybe she should atleast give me half the money to compensate us.What are your thoughts?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, PeanutButter  +, writes (7 June 2014):
 Also, yes, you would have been out of $200 if your daughter was in the wedding, but you wouldn't have been out of a memory for her or the experience, so I don't think that the comments about how it was silly to spend that cash were too helpful or inviting. I think you did a nice thing and it just didn't work out - but you will be fine x
A
female
reader, PeanutButter +, writes (7 June 2014):
I am really sorry that you were put in this position, but I do have an idea!
Put an add on Craigslist for the dress and shoes and see if you can get price for them - if not then perhaps you can exchange it for something else that might suit a more general function for a wedding and sell that on instead - there are also options to sell on Ebay and local yardsale groups - I know, I am always trying to sell the next best thing lol!
I would not take less than half what you paid - heck, you know, you could even rent out the dress and shoes then make money on them, then launder them and rent them out again - sounds strange but people do it!!!
Where there is a will, there is a way, and I am sorry your little girl was let down, but you will hopefully recoup a little cash!
Hugs x
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (6 June 2014):
 If the wedding hadn't been cancelled you should still be 200 out.
What you SHOULD have done was find a lightly USED dress and not spend 200.
Now IF your neighbor showed you the dress she wanted your daughter to wear, and told you it was your responsibility to pay for it - you could have said 200 is too much for me for an outfit for a few hours.
I would take the 90 if that is the best you can get, OR you can have a totally useless (more or less) fancy dress hanging in your closet that you daughter can't really wear.
My wedding dress was preowned. It hasn't been used, but altered. The bride changed her mind last minute or whatever, so I got a $10,000 dress for $1,100. The BRIDE paid the FULL amount for that dress (though she might have gotten a $ 1,000-$2,000 discount ) but when she SOLD it back, they bought it for near nothing.
Now all the money aside, I think the bride and groom have enough drama to deal with.
Next time someone asks something like that, stay within what you FEEL you can afford or say no.
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A
male
reader, methuselah +, writes (6 June 2014):
Hi, In philosophy I studied the 'sunk cost' fallacy. Let me explain, I paid 3 hours parking for my car in Town because I needed to do some business. Well, I managed to complete in 30 mins. When I got to my car, I realized I still had over 150 mins of parking left. So, instead of getting in it and driving home, I walked around Town for 2 and half hours in the rain and being totally bored. I wanted my money's worth. Crazy of course, but I had paid and I fell into the trap of the sunken costs and got drenched from the rain and wasted over 2 hours when I could have done something at home! For you, I am sorry to say, you may just have to take the loss on the chin and accept it. To make the best of a bad job, you could sell for £90 and it gets some money back. Shame all round really. Thanks.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (6 June 2014):
 Im thinking you made the choice to spend money on the dress, full well knowing that this was expensive (according to your economy) and that the dress could not be refunded, and that it could not be worn on any other occasion. YOU made that decision. You didn't lose anything, the dress was only going to be worn one time. And it's not like you can blame her for wanting to get married abroad.. yet here you are.. blaming her...
Don't you think their expenses were a bit higher than yours? Wedding or no wedding?
Dear you, when buying things second hand (which in this case the dress is classified as) it is perfectly common to pay half price. Or even less. So sell the dress and get the 90 bucks. Then stop worrying about it or being annoyed by this. Life happens.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 June 2014):
 I must say I am even a bit surprised you are hesitating in taking the £90 you are offered. That means you'd have wasted £ 110... but if you don't sell the dress, then you have wasted £ 200, so...
It's not like you have many other alternatives, so I'd opt for the lesser evil. I know you'd prefer if the bride gave you back at least half of what you spent, and doing that would be proper of her,- but she already told you she cannot / will not do that, so, what are you going to do,... sue her ? I'd take the £ 90 and I'd be thankful that ,at least, I have recovered nearly half of the dress cost.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (6 June 2014):
 Even if the wedding went ahead the dress etc would only have been worn once. Then I assume stored or sold.
I know its tough, £200 is a lot of money, but I would sell it for £90 or keep it for another wedding, it can be altered to fit if your daughter grows.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (6 June 2014):
 I mean if the dress weren't white then she could save it, maybe she'll still fit in it for next Easter or some other nice occasion. Or, if it's too wedding-y, you can dye the dress. I know that's not the point and I feel bad for your daughter but hopefully you can make something good out of an unfortunate situation.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (6 June 2014):
 Mark said everything that I would have said so I'll just sum it up.
You would have lost the £200 anyway; if your daughter had worn the dress even once I doubt if you could have sold and made any money out of it. Just take the £90 and forget about it. And while money is difficult for you, spare a thought for the lady who's had her marriage plans ripped apart. How difficult things must be for her, at this moment. Its unfortunate for both of you that the marriage didn't work out the way you wanted it to...the only difference is that you're losing £110 while she is losing out on a lifetime of memories and the happiness of having both families with her. Tell me, which one is greater?
Just take the £90 and be graceful about it.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (6 June 2014):
 I'm pretty sure she will be once again asked to be a bridesmaid again sosavethe dress for next time.Opps, I just remembered it was probably a "themed/colorized "sort of thing so maynot be reusable. However, it'll make a gaet prom dress later. Don't swatr it you would have had to her clothng for somother affair sooner or later. Thw neighbor can'thelp the turn of events so don't blame her.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2014): i think she should give you the money
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A
male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (6 June 2014):
 To be fair to your neighbour, she has more on here plate right now with family issues than you being out of pocket. Sorry if that's blunt, but your neighbour has had to change her wedding plans at short notice, had family fall outs before her big day and probably had to spend a lot of time, money and effort rearranging her wedding day. Not to mention her grief and hurt at the family situation right now. Im sure her family are devastated not to be able to be present at the wedding and many people have ended up out of pocket, perhaps to the tune of several hundred or thousand pounds.
In the great scheme of things, to her at least, you being £110 out of pocket is nothing compared to what she and her family are going through right now.
I appreciate how you feel about this, but realistically you would have been out of pocket if you had gone to the wedding or not. It would still have cost you £200 for the shoes and dress, which would now be worth £90, if you had gone to the wedding. I know they wont be worn, which makes it seems pointless spending, but if they had been worn ONCE would that really alter your financial situation?
I would accept the £90 and put it down as one of those things.
Mark
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