A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been together with my girlfriend for nearly a year.We both never had sex, we only experimented with foreplay etc.(Basically everything but just the most vital part, sex)She told me she will only be willing to do that once we get married, using fear of pregnancy as an excuse.It will be 10 years from now till I can get married with her as only till then, will I be able to get a stable career. Why so long? Well, I am going for a master degree and required conscription (we are about 20 now)HOW???? I do not wish to have to wait so long, 10 years, for this sex to happen, which will also be my first time. I wish to do this with no other people than her. We are both still virgin technically. Help please... i do not want to wait for 10 years :(
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female
reader, oldbag +, writes (16 January 2013):
 Hi
Why wait 10 years to marry her? IF you do wait that long then you will,if you want them,be having babies pretty soon afterwards as you will be 30.Is that part of your plan too?
You could marry her sooner - but ONLY if your 100% sure its not so you can finally have sex with her
OR
Finish it because you two have a clash of ideals and no compramise. She is totally entitled to wait for sex.Your entitled to your life plan.
A
male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (15 January 2013):
Ten years is your own doing. This girl has her standards, and I applaud her for holding to them. Either respect them or find someone else.
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A
male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (15 January 2013):
 Why waiting for 10 years, why are you forcing your lives to wait ten years. Yes to get a degree, To get settled in a career. What is more important your lives together, and still living enjoy each other and making ends meet is being settled with where you want to be in life with your career and the trappings of life worth more than your future together. Is your career worth more than her?You may have to use the word sacrifice "slow down on your 10 year plan with your career" or you will have to sacrificing your love and time with your girl friend. Life is not perfect, you need to decide what is more important, her or your time plan for your career.
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A
female
reader, R1 +, writes (15 January 2013):
 you are the one who has set the 10year time limit! She may well leave you for someone who is ready to commit before then anyway and this won't be a problem. basically you either marry her sooner or leave her. If that is her moral viewpoint it is wrong to try and find ways to change her mind.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2013): Dude, I am somehow in the same situation as you are; only that I am completely okay with it. My girlfriend and I have experimented with pretty much a lot of stuff, except sex. Well, we actually tried, but then we backed out since... well, we weren't ready. But that doesn't change things for us. We still love each other and I think that it's okay to have sex later on since we're not ready yet to have children. She has yet to graduate and I have yet to get a job after I graduate next month.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (13 January 2013):
This is a odd question to ask considering your options are obvious:
You leave her.
You wait and marry her in 10 years (yeah right).
You marry her whenever you decide you want to spend the rest of your life with her (not because you want to get laid) and don't worry about being married while going to school.
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A
female
reader, candice m. smith  +, writes (13 January 2013):
Hi this is quite interesting. Okay you said that " oh how you wish you did not have to wait so long" My advice to you is then don't you are 20 you said and 10 years from now you would be 30 That’s just too long, however if you really want her to be the first girl that you have sex with then the wait will be worth it. Based on what I read I think fear of becoming pregnant is not an excuse, your master’s degree is also not an excuse.The fact is that there are a lot of options to choose from to avoid pregnancy.Marriage is only one option. Life goes on after marriage and you can definitely have a successful marriage have all the sex you want and still get your master’s degree with honors.It’s all about time management It may be a little hard but it is passable. But if you truly love her, I think you should respect her wishes. Having sex outside of marriage is not a crime neither is it fear, it’s more of a religious thing. I do hope everything works out fine for you. In the meantime pray that she changes her mind because waiting that long could make her frustrated and board.
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A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (13 January 2013):
 There are really only two options for you and I have been in the same situation many times before. I'm currently single and surprising bring up sex fairly early on in dating because I know that I am not willing to wait till marriage for sex due to my on beleifs (non religious) on the matter. So since you are very unlikely to change your mind to wanting to wait you can either break it off or continue the realtionship in hopes that she changes her mind. That isn't really the best choice but chances are if she is just using contraception as the excuse she will most likely give in with time. The problem is do you really want the relationship to be her giving in to something. It is a tough choice and no one can judge you for having your own beliefs of not waiting.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (13 January 2013):
 Well you're describing a problem with no solution unless one or both can compromise.
I can understand her fear of getting pregnant outside marriage, but agree it's an excuse rather than a valid reason; you could easily avoid unwanted pregnancy with the right birth control.
But you sound completely inflexible with your ten year plan. OK, the conscription is beyond your control but you could get married afterwards while you're studying. Plenty of people have done part time Masters degrees while working (myself included). If you really wanted to marry her sooner, you could. But you don't. And that's OK, just be honest with yourself and her.
So, it sounds like the problem is insurmountable. You've been with her for nearly a year - that's not a long time. If you feel you'd be wasting any more of her time - and vice versa- then end the relationship now. I know it's easier said than done, but better than years of frustration, wasted time, and possible regret at missed opportunities.
All the best.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (12 January 2013):
 Why does it have to be 10 years? Is there a law against being married before the age of 28-31 years old? Who put the 10 year limit in place?? That seems pretty absurd unless you two have a medical degree to attain.
If it was her that did, then I think she's not sure about you yet, and if it's you that's thinking it'll take 10 years, then I think you're not sure about her either and you're contemplating your early 20s to have a lot of casual sex in it.
Either way, this is a compatibility issue, because you can't pressure her to give in or change her mind, so it's either wait for her, or part ways and have sex with other women. She will resent you and regret giving in if you pressure or guilt her into it.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (12 January 2013):
 If you decide to wait 10 years, then if for whatever reason the marriage does not work out you can't go back and say you regretted wasting those 10 years. There is no way we can tell you if this girl is worth it. I don't know what religion you belong to. Just the fact that there are so many girls without this issue would make it hard to keep this commitment.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (12 January 2013):
 Believe it or not that's not all that long; I remember being young and anxious but trust me (and I can hardly believe I'm saying this but) sex is really not that important to where you can't wait for it.
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