A
male
age
30-35,
*arl98
writes:I apologize in advance if this is lengthy.I'm 22 years old. I dated a girl for three years who is the same age. We lived together for the majority of that time, however the last eight months of the relationship was very rocky. Sex was a rarity and I've (now) realized how much she lied to me over that time period.She was never the type of person to stay in one place for a long time. Long story short, she cheated on me and moved away to the city where this guy is from.We had agreed upon breaking up that she would still be accountable for the rent of our apartment until I could move out and find a new place. As of this moment I have only received 200 dollars from her and she still owes me upwards of 600 dollars.For a while after the break up, we were good friends. We still hung out whenever she'd come visit the city and things were alright. She always claimed to be single and that she wasn't seeing that guy anymore.After one visit she just disappeared and would only contact me if the conversation would benefit her. Anytime I'd try to strike conversation nothing would come of it. So she'd ask me to take the cats that we had (I kept them at first, she took them back, then one morning at 2 a.m. she texts me to ask me to take them back), or she talked to me to let me know that she was coming back to the apartment to pick up some of her stuff. She wanted a record player/stereo that was originally hers, but she gave to me to help make up for the pile of rent she owes me. It led to a huge argument but I gave up the stereo for $200. That was her first payment for rent and it's been over two months since we broke up. She uses the excuse that she's still trying to "get her feet on the ground" and what not.I learned through mutual friends that she went as far as hiding her relationship status on Facebook from me so that I would not see she was dating the guy who she cheated on me with. I was furious with her at this point and once I got the money and finally deleted her from Facebook and vowed to never speak with her again. I needed her out of my life and move on.About a week after this she texts me. I didn't reply right away....but eventually I caved in. I don't know why. I still really care for this girl, but I hate being used.She told me that she's pregnant with the guy that she cheated on me with. I gave her my honest opinion and told her I thought it would be a huge mistake if she kept it. I went on for a while about it. She said "It might take me a while to reply, I'm feeling emotional." and then I never heard back from her again after that.I feel so used again. I feel like a fool for even taking the time to talk to her because I should have known that she's a liar and that I shouldn't trust her and that she's only out for her own personal gain.I'm a fool, I really am.Basically....I ask to you, where do I go from here? Am I still entitled to asking her for the money she owes me? At the moment that is the only thing that is keeping ties with her. But is it right to now be asking an expectant mother for rent money?I know most people will probably just say "Dude, cut the ties and consider it a lost cause and just move on." And I wish I could. Honestly, I know I'll never see ALL Of the money that she owes me, but I would like more of a portion of it. I'm a student, living on my own, in an apartment that I can't afford because of her. I need something. Anything.Where do I go from here? I know the obvious answer is as far away from her as possible. But how do I make sure that I avoid her? And that I won't get sucked in the next time she contacts me? Because I know that I'll probably be thinking "Oh maybe this time will be different", meanwhile it will likely just be the same thing again and again.Wow. This is the first time I've written out what has happened to me over the past few months....and I feel like a fool. I was used pretty hard, wasn't I?Thank you to anyone who has input/advice on my situation. If you've been through something like this before, I'd love to hear from you.
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male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (20 December 2012):
$600? Let me give you a spoiler - if the laws of Canada are anything like the laws of the US, you will never see a single dime of that money. Never, ever, ever.
You can take her to court. Given what I know about people who do the things she does, she wont show. You will win your judgement, but then you will never be able to collect.
On of the things of our society that not many people know is that it almost impossible to collect money that is owed to you. The govt is absolutely no help, and in most cases is a hindrance. If the amount is anything under $10,000-50,000, write it off and move on. If its above that amount, you may be able to find a collections lawyer who will go after it for the cost of about 20%. $600? Forget about it, look at it as the cost of getting her out of your life. And never lend money to anyone without realizing you likely will never see it again.
A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (20 December 2012):
 It would be better to go after government assistance like food stamps as a temporary fix, and totally cut her our of your life and forget her. BLOCK HER...anything. If you NEED "something" as in money to help you pay your bills, there are healthier ways to go about getting that help without risking your emotional sanity!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2012): It might be wise to do as you said and find yourself somewhere else to live if you cant afford the rent on your apartment. There wasnt really any reason why she should keep paying it for you after she left. Keeping her cats and belongings there was your decision, you could have refused as she wasnt paying rent anymore.
It could be very difficult to get her to pay you money, especially if she is struggling financially and pregnant. I would just concentrate on finding somewhere affordable to live before you get into debt. That is the important thing. You might have to `write off` what you feel she owes you and try to move on. For your sake that would be the best thing to do.
She betrayed you terribly. That was inexcusable and you have my sympathy. But the money issue is just muddying the waters. Let it go and concentrate on getting yourself some accommodation you can afford, cut her out of your life and try to move on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2012): Talk to a lawyer to see if they can write her a letter telling her to pay up. So what if she is pregnant from her cheating, why should that immoral act let her off the hook from paying back money she owes?
You need legal advice. This is a large sum of money we're talking aboutm its not like she owes you a dollar. Your life is being ruined in more ways than one, by her. Irresponsible and immorable users like her shouldn't be let off the hook. She needs to be held accountable. She can certainly hit up her affair partner for money to pay you back with.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (20 December 2012):
I completely agree with Fatherly Advice but I want to add that there's no point in expecting her to pay for anything. It's probably a better idea to play the lottery.
She sounds manipulative, just get her out of your life and move on. Get her crap out of there and don't listen to any sob story she might give you.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (20 December 2012):
 My first thought was what kind of "Man" has his ex pay his rent for more than a month. You should be in your own place by now. Then I read more thoroughly. She wants you to care for her pets, and she hasn't moved her stuff out?
Here is the manly man solution. Move out leave her stuff. The landlord will sell it to pay the rent. I'm assuming that her name is on the lease and yours is not.
If your name is on the lease with hers, Pay the rent. Move out. Tell her what day to move her stuff.
If your name is on the lease and hers is not. Pay your own bills. Box up all of her stuff. Give her a dead line to pick it up.
I suggest you chose one of these Manly solutions.
FA
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2012): "Am I still entitled to asking her for the money she owes me? At the moment that is the only thing that is keeping ties with her."
Yes, you have a contract with her so she is obligated to fulfill it, which she won't voluntarily. Best way to end it and cut all ties without getting screwed over is by taking her to small claims court.
"But is it right to now be asking an expectant mother for rent money?"
Yes, ex's getting herself knocked up doesn't bestow the saintly glow of motherhood upon her random uterus, nor does it grant her license to default on a loan. As US TV personality Judge Judy said when a deadbeat defendant pleaded poverty because she was a single mother, "I don't care if you're a double mother or a triple mother. You owe him the money!"
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2012): Separate your resentment from the money.
You are entitled to ask for the money, but if you're giving your "honest opinion" about her being pregnant with another man (and I suspect that opinion wasn't all too glowing) don't be surprised if she's avoiding you. I get that she wronged you, but you're not going to get even and get your money at the same time.
Personally, I would contact her monthly and politely ask for the money. If you get desparate, an hour with a lawyer (or a law student) and a letter to her, will likely get her to budge. Make sure you get her to acknowledge in writing that she owes you money.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (20 December 2012):
 If you are living in a one bedroom apartment, then it's impossible to look for a roommate. You could talk to your landlord about your situation and see if you could move out and let him keep the security deposit. Then move to a place you could afford, with or without a roommate, preferably someone without emotional attachment. Either your ex girlfriend had nothing to give you, like her parents couldn't help, and she has to stop working. Or she is just cheap. With the moving there is no way she's able to save up some money. The way she treated you makes me think it won't bother her much to see you hurting and struggling alone.
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