A
female
age
30-35,
*eganmarie
writes:So, I'm engaged to a guy I have dated previously for about a year... We were so much alike we fought all the time, nothing serious, just bickering. I was, and still am, very much in love with him! Problem is, I found out when we recently got back together that two days after our break up, he slept with my best friend! I told her everything and trusted her more than anyone... It hurts so bad because I found out she had told him lies to make him break up with me. She told him I cheated on him with someone I don't even know! She knew how torn up I was after the break up and obviously she was "sympathetic"... I had an idea they did hook up, but they lied to me for over a year. When me and my fiancé got back together almost a year ago, he told me the truth. I forgive him. It's in the past and we technically weren't together at the time. But I still feel majorly betrayed... I don't want this to come between us, but I'll have dreams about it and it makes me sick to my stomach knowing what they did! I know it's partially jealousy but I didn't deserve that. Problem is, I want to get over it completely but am having a very difficult time. Any advice to make the picture of them together out of my head? (We are very serious about each other now and from being split up for a while we actually grew up enough to get along. And I know for a fact he would never do something like that again.)
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2012): You are aware your BF/Fiance is capable of seizing an opportunity to sleep with another woman. You also are aware that he is willing to believe in a MATE POACHER and FAILED to trust in you FIRST and to talk, work out relationship issues, concerns, worries with you and NOT an outside, unreliable, untrustworthy source. You know and live that the CORRECT and HEALTHY way of dealing with trials is with the person you love and have a life with. Not shutting down, and turning to someone else for sex.So really, you are struggling to truly forgive him AND trust in him. That kind of betrayal and lack of character traits are at the root of your fears and lack of trust. Currently he is back in your life because you do love him and remember his good qualities and right now, he is operating on your good faith and hope you have in him to be A RELIABLE, TRUSTWORTHY MAN OF INTEGRITY. He has a lot of repair and hard work to get back into good standing. Even the best of marriages that suffer infidelity- the Psychologists will say that it may take YEARS for the marriage to recover and get back to where the trust and love is back to good standing.A year is a piss in the pot.Please seek individual counselling as well as couples counselling so you and your Fiance can listen to one another and learn how to heal and build up the love and trust to a healthy level.*hugs*
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (11 December 2012):
 You're getting mad at your best friend OP but it took two people to have sex and one of them was your boyfriend. Please don't tell me that he's so awfully naive that he believed all that your friend told him. Doesn't he trust you at all? And what does this mean? That any girl will come along and tell him that you're cheating on him and then he'll sleep with that girl just to get even? What nonsense!! Stop defending your B/f. No one could "make him" break up with you unless he wanted to himself.
Sure your friend was wrong but your boyfriend was equally at fault, if not more. Its great that you get along well now but you need to talk to him about this and tell him how much it still bothers you. You're engaged to him but can you truly, honestly say that you are at peace with him? You need to come to terms with your past first before venturing into the future.
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A
female
reader, fi_the_tree  +, writes (11 December 2012):
 He slept with your best friend!!! That is the worst betrayal. My ex talked me into bed, i confided in a friend, turned out that friend had feelings for him and ended up in a relationship a few days later!!!! Still makes me feel a bit sick, but i know now that i would never trust him ever again!! If he were to do it again, i wouldn't want all my other friends saying "I told you so" all the time, so i'm staying away!!!!!!!
I'm glad that you have faith in him. I had faith in my ex boyfriend, but he repeatedly betrayed me and dumped me for other women. I really hope that doesn't happen to you. As for advice on how to fully get over this, you need to stop bottling things up. Talk to him about it, tell him that it upsets you still, even after a year!
I wish you all the best :) x
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