A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone. I've been together with a girl for around 2 months now who I met online. A few months before we got together, she told me that she lived in Japan and was studying at a college to draw Japanese comics. She also told me that she grew up and lived in Ireland. I didn't believe her at the time and she eventually came clean to me (without me asking her to come clean), telling me that she lived in Connecticut. I met her later on and even bought bus tickets for her so I could meet her, proving that she did indeed live in Connecticut. She told me the reason that she lied was because she was miserable and didn't want people to worry about her.She told me that, in her past, she had been in a few mental hospitals due to having nervous breakdowns. She was beaten by her father as an adolescent and was partying hard as a high school student. She also told me that she was raped by her boyfriend.2 months after we got together, she came clean (again, with little provocation, I told her that I'd forgive her if she ever lied to me about something) that she had never grown up in Ireland and had lived in Connecticut all her life. Her boyfriend was someone she met online, and she got raped by him when she went to visit him in Ireland. She told me that her mother lived in Ireland and she lived with her aunt in Connecticut, however, she admitted that she lived with her mother all along. She went into a nervous breakdown and started crying and everything, so I had to stay up all night trying to calm her down.She even staged a phone call with her mother (yes, I heard her mother too, so it wasn't just her alone) to make me happy by telling her about me. I just don't know what to do. She's really nice and sweet and caring but I'm worried that she might be a compulsive liar.
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (27 July 2012):
 Honestly, I think if anything, this girl needs more help then you can provide and if you are looking for a real honest to goodness relationship.. that you are wasting your time with her.
I think she lies because she doesn't take her "online" life and "friendships" serious. And perhaps in the beginning to make herself look more interesting then she really is.
I would end it. Sorry, she is a time sink.
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (27 July 2012):
 I think this girl has a lot of mental health problems which is going to cause no end of pain for you both I'm afraid.
I know you are not going to want to believe this, and will probably get upset, but how can you even believe she was raped? For the majority of women who are raped, they will not talk about it unless they have known their new partner a long time and even then they will be reluctant to share this information. They definitely WOULD NOT make up a lie that they lived in Ireland, when the so called 'rapist' lives in Ireland too. If she genuinely did get raped she would never try and associate her with the place she was raped, she would mentally push herself as far away from there as possible.
Whereas your girlfriend has tried to link herself with the place she claims she was raped, which to me is a clear sign she was never raped and probably never has been to Ireland in her life.
I think she is a compulsive liar, and a compulsive drama queen that needs a lot of attention and drama in her life to keep her happy. I bet she is making up all of these stories to make her life sound more exciting, I bet she thinks that by making herself sound more exciting you will like her more, and then if she tells you she was raped you will feel sorry for her and never leave her.
The nervous breakdown style thing she did with you when she came clean about the whole never living in Ireland thing was to make you feel bad for her, and to stop you from leaving her. Girls do this all the time (well some girls anyway), it is one of the oldest tricks in the book. Been found out that you were lying? Cry and fake a panic attack to distract away from your lies and he will forget all about it and take care of you.
I think this girl is playing you and you are fooling for it. And if I'm wrong, and she genuinely has been raped and just randomly lies about things - that still makes her a compulsive liar with serious mental health problems that are not yet healed.
Either way things are not going to end well for you and this girl - she is either playing you and you are falling for it, or she has a lot of mental health problems which she needs to seek help for, and being in a relationship will make them worse.
I dont think you can trust this girl at all, and I dont think you can have a serious relationship with someone like this. It might be best to save yourself some heartache now and move on, after all you live on opposite sides of the Atlantic ocean so you cant be too attached to her after only 2 months.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe never tries to manipulate or guilt-trip me, nor does she abuse me.
I know for a fact she tells me truths often, because I've done research on some of the things she said about her and her family. I'm just wondering whether I should trust her or not.
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