A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm really confused right and now and need some advice please!So background : I was with my ex for 5 months when he asked me to move in with him. I know it was too soon but I was stupid and said yes. We lived together happily for over a year, and I then found out I was pregnant. Sadly I lost our baby and it took a long time for me to get over it. A few months later everything seemed to be back on track and we were going to spend Christmas (just gone) with his family but at our home. Everything was perfect, and my ex didn't show any signs of being unhappy.Then the day after boxing day, totally out of the blue he told me that he wanted to break up and it wasn't fair on me if he didn't tell me. No actual reason, so obviously I was very upset. He refused to even explain why he wanted to break up, he just kept saying it wa was for the best. We have still been living in the same house, but I plan on moving out soon. We haven't talk much and even though he claimed he wanted to break up, yesterday he asked me if I'd give him another chance to make up for hurting me and take him back. Confusing much?!He still refuses to tell me why he broke up with me in the first place and yesterday was the first time he had really talked to me since we broke up. I've been racking my brains trying to think of why he would end our relationship when we had just got back on track, and the only thing I can even think of is my miscarriage. The worst part of all this is I still love him beyond doubt and I never wanted to end our relationship. It's kind of why I have been putting off moving out. I just don't see how it will work unless he explains why he did it in the first place but he won't. He just changes the subject suddenly.Is it worth trying again or should I just let my head rule my heart and tell him it's not good enough?
View related questions:
broke up, christmas, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (19 January 2015):
Personally I wouldnt get back with him without a definitive reason why he wanted you to break up. Unless he is ridiculously immature, he had to have a reason for suggesting this in the first place. Im not saying you did anything wrong, I just mean that surely there was in his mind some reason why he thought breaking up was a good idea since it isnt generally something that is done in the spur of the moment. Not telling you or saying "forget about it" isnt good enough, there cant be a relationship without communication. Best of luck with whatever happens x
A
female
reader, jls022 +, writes (18 January 2015):
He absolutely must tell you why he broke up with you before you can ever consider giving him another chance. Otherwise, you will forever be terrified that this unknown reason might come up again and he'll once again blindside you and break your heart.
However, if it were me I'd consider whether I want someone who is so unwilling and/or unable to communicate. Even now, after realising what he's lost, he's still not willing to have a frank conversation with you. That would be a deal breaker to me.
Only you can decide whether you think it's worth it, but if you do think it is, be forceful when you explain to him that there will be no second chance unless he lays everything out and explains to you how the reason he had for breaking up is something you no longer need to worry about.
All the best.
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (18 January 2015):
 It has been 3 weeks since boxing day. You don't know what broke you up and why he'd want to take you back. Your head should say why give him another chance if he doesn't communicate properly. If you try to link the miscarriage with the break up, maybe he feels he doesn't love you enough to support you and have empathy for you. He feels that he's too young, too immature to deal with that kind of stress and you deserve someone better. Then it took the thought of losing your forever to realize he loves you. Well then, that line of thinking just proves you deserve someone better. Now do you see how he has a hard time expressing this?
Guys who break up after the formalities and seriousness of meeting family members do so because of the fear of being stuck forever. The fear of losing freedom and privacy. When he asked you to move in with him, it was the impulse. He wanted to capture the perfect romance, but be able to pull out and withdraw when they need to. Similar to storing you favorite food in the fridge to keep it fresh. Within a serious relationship they aren't able to do that. It requires maturity and commitment to make a woman happy when life is not always positive, when you feel tired and want the world to disappear.
Taking him back means you are allowing him to take "vacations" from you, 3 weeks at a time. You've known each other more than half a year. So his tolerance for anything serious did not even last a year. Of course people grow up and change. I can't tell you the percentage of a 20+ year old males who do this. You need someone more mature and honest because you don't want to do the trial and error thing too many times until you are too old to conceive.
It could be, his family members don't like you or said something like he could do better. Or, basing on his facial expressions and body language they could see through that he doesn't love you. Then they told him, "Are you serious about her? You made her pregnant. If you don't have marriage intentions then let this poor girl go instead of wasting her time." If he wanted you back it's because he thought you were desperate enough to engage in no strings sex. After all it had been 3 weeks. That's the time when exes suddenly declare undying love. That's the kind of reckless passion that got you agree to move in with him.
...............................
|
