A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys. I just need to understand something from an outsiders perspective. So I met a guy before Christmas online and we got on great. Only thing was he lived over 100 miles away and I did wonder if this could be a problem. However, I went with the flow and continued chatting. We met half way and spent the whole day together then couple weeks or so later we spent two days together and I had a lovely time. Thought this is great he ticked so many boxes for me and thought he liked me too. We texted every day sometimes all evening and I got to know him quite quickly. We both shared some personal stuff as well. But just last week I started to have doubts about the distance which we spoke about and thrashed it out. He was being realistic and really leaving the ball in my court and saying it takes a lot of faith etc to be in a LDR, and thought I was ok with the distance. And I thought I was, but last Monday I woke up and thought I am kidding myself, how can a potential relationship be built from virtual interactions and only seeing each other perhaps once a month? So I was honest with him and said I think it best if I looked for someone more local as I don’t think I could cope with the distance. He understood and it didn’t sound like it came as to much of a surprise for him. I thought maybe we could stay in touch as friends. Well I hadn’t heard from him for a few days, and it seemed so strange having gone from texting loads everyday to absolute silence, I sent a message Friday evening asking how he was and maybe he may not want to hear from me. He texted next day said all ok, no worries. I did explain I put myself back online and had a date which I thought he might be pleased about as I knew he was also back online. He wished me luck etc, then the next message after that threw me. He said he didn’t think we should speak to each other anymore as trust has been compromised on both sides and it was funny as we are both not that type of people, and that online dating can be ruthless etc. I was frankly hurt by this comment and said as much and said I did not understand regards the trust thing. He then said that he wished he had not told me so much personal stuff, but I replied that I had shared some stuff too. I wished him well at the end of the message though and left it at that.I mean, surely that is what people do in order to get to know one another? Perhaps he just felt it all a waste as I didn’t want to pursue anything. I know I did get involved very quickly and threw myself in it. But I thought rather than drag it out for months having doubts, I’d be honest, and as I said it didn’t come as much of a surprise to him as he had concerns that he might have been taking away my right for a relationship in the short term as he knew that is what I wanted. But thought we might be friends if nothing else.Quite frankly I can’t quite let go of it all, I have deleted all his contact info and so I know I will never hear from him again. I just need to find peace about it all, and not take it so personally!
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female
reader, MSA  +, writes (19 January 2015):
 I understand you fears and worries, because I'm in a LDR too. All your doubts and questions, I once had them too.. actually sometimes I still do have them. So everything you were feeling is normal. You had two choices, to stay in the relationship and work on it, since as you said, he ticked so many boxes. Or, decide you want someone closer and end the relationship. You chose to end it. He respected your decision and let you go. He is hurt because he invested time and heart into this. He has no choice but to go no contact with you so he can move on.
It appears you're on the road to moving on too. Just take this as an experience learned and remember him and the good times.
Best of luck to you!
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (18 January 2015):
 I think he made sense. And he WAS being realistic, being "friends" with someone you thought you could have more with is not really something everyone wants.
If you initially said, OH the distance doesn't mean a thing and he then opens up, then you change your mind and "dump" him, but want to be friends.... Well, I understand him perfectly. I wouldn't want to be friends with you either. You basically "friend-zoned him" he didn't want to be a friend. HE was looking for someone to date, so.. all in all.. you would be a waste of time.
DON'T take it personal, but TAKE something from it. DISTANCE DOES matter to you, so if you meet another guy online who lives further from you then you think is manageable, DON'T continue chatting.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2015): Distance isnt for the faint of heart. You didn't do anything wrong and it sounds like your already on the path you need to be on but just got to believe it. Ya he might of got upset about you telling him you were dating again but you were broken up. Yes i know you did it with good intentions. Maybe it was to soon and he was still nursing himself. People have troble opening up about things and healing takes time. Some more than others. I prefer NC for a certain amount of time before bridges of friendship can be solidified. Think of it like his way of dealing with the break up. I think its best just letting it be and remembering the good times you had.
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