Is it always the guy's fault when things go wrong?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Dating, Forbidden love, Pregnancy, Sex, Troubled relationships, Trust issues

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Question - (26 April 2014)

5 Answers - (Newest, 14 May 2014)

A male age 36-40, *anonmoon writes:

Its going to be a long story so please be patient.

In Dec 2010, I met this girl in a party, we clicked instantly and hooked up in the next week itself. 2011 was a breeze, we had an amazing time, took vacations, had sex like crazy. We were a fun couple and had everything on our hands.

2012 was the year when it all started going wrong. Her parents went on a religious trip where there was an accident and her father and nephew whom she was very close to passed away tragically.

All of 2012, 2013 were a horrible mess. She went from a simple girl, fun loving girl to a crazy, paranoid, control freak, emotionally insecure girl. In between, taking care of her family and dealing with her own issues. She took it out all on me. Started abusing me verbally, later picking up fights on small issues like not picking up the phone on time, coming late to meet up etc.

I was supportive, caring all these 2 years when she was going through her lowest phase.

Mid 2013 was the year when I told her that I wanted to get married and settled down. This was the time she went from crazy to downright berserk.

She was moody and irritable at all times.... Silent and sometimes in her own zone.... it was 2 years since her father had died so it was about time I stopped attributing her behavior to be grief related.

I used to stay out of town and come down over weekends... Where she was missing or too busy to meet me. Sometimes just plainly ignoring me... Then there was an HIV test she took and I accidentally found out about it after stumbling upon the reports.

Why would any one in their right mind take an HIV test in a monogamous 2 year old relationship ?

Her reasoning (I wanted to get a doubt out of my head and look its negative)

The fights grew and we grew apart. I called off the relationship sometime in Sep 2013. During that time, we fought often and yelled at each other.

In Dec 2013, We met again and tried to reconcile our differences. In the heat of moment that day we ended up in bed. We always practiced safe sex in 3 years, but that day that moment was the first time, we just got carried away. Immediately she took a emergency contraceptive.

After 5 weeks I got a phone call, She was pregnant, I was livid but she assured me that I was the only one who could have been the father.

Toxic relationship followed by a pregnancy was too much for me to take. I asked her what she wanted to do, praying that she'd say abortion and this would all be over but much to my dismay she said she said she wanted to have the baby. She said that maybe it was a sign, that we should have it and raise it together.

I did not agree for the same, reasons,

We were not ready, emotionally, mentally, and financially to raise a child.

Our relationship of 3 years had its own share of problems, not sure if having a child was going to add them or reduce them.

We belong to different religious groups in a conservative society. That was another issue to be dealt with.

After hours of discussions she finally accepted Abortion as the only solution. Frankly I am not a heartless cold person, out there to kill a child, But I did not see a point in bringing a child to this world and then not being able to take care of the child or worst put up the child for adoption and live with the guilt that " my child is out there somewhere"

After taking first pill of abortion, she changed her mind, she wanted to have the baby now, but it was a little too late. She had already take the first pill of the two pill dosage of abortion pills. The doctor advised her against not taking the second one and she took the second one as well.

After the abortion, her behavior went from bad, to worst to horrible, she used to cry, call me everyday, abuse and blame me for the whole mess.

It was too much for me to take. My health took a beating. My BP went from 120/80 to 200/110 for a healthy 29 year old, it was too much and i was admitted in the hospital as I could not take the stress neither I could share my predicament with anyone.

I was caught between work, my girlfriend who wanted my head for killing her child and my family and friends oblivious to what is going on in my life.

Feb 2014, I called it quits, I told her that I could not take it anymore and wanted to walk away completely from all these. She cried, blamed, cursed me, but I just could not do it anymore.

I had tried many times to fix this broken relationship, but it was broken beyond repair this time and I could fix it any further. I was tiered and just could not continue.

I have been carrying this weight for some time now and there are days when I feel guilty of walking out on her. But the choice was my own mental peace, my well being and my own health.

May be some one will call me a dick , a bastard and so on...

But I feel, is it always the guys fault, is it always the guys fault if the relationship goes for a toss...

Getting pregnant was one thing that every sexual encounter carries, with or without protection or contraceptive.

In a case, if the contraceptive fails and the girl gets pregnant. Only guy is to be blamed ?

View related questions: abortion, hiv , insecure

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A male reader, RevMick +, writes (14 May 2014):

Hi manonmoon,

Unfortunately blame is normally given in the man's direction. However in reality both parties can be at fault. It depends on the problem and the situation.