A
female
age
26-29,
*ataly
writes:im 16 and me and my boyfriend have been dating for 2 months we've been sexually active for 2 months straight and well he has told me he wants to have a baby. i dont really want to have a baby right now because im going through some legal problems with my mom but then i put some thought to it and i want to have a baby. we thought i was pregnant after 3 weeks that we were dating but i got my period so it turns out i wasnt so he got really sad and disappointed and now im still wondering if its a good idea to get pregnant or not?
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female
reader, kyaleah  +, writes (4 October 2011):
It would be really hard to have a baby, especilly if you guys arent finshed school or dont have jobs. I say wait a few years, But if you think your ready go for it, But im warning you it'll be hard. You wont be able to give the baby to anyone else if you cant stop it from crying, Because its your baby. But. Goodluck!
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female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (29 September 2011):
 i am so glad that you have paid attention to the advice you have received and that you have had a re-think. please do not let your boyfriend persuade or bully you into having a baby (as it seems to me that it is primarily HIS wish, not yours!) you really have not been with him long enough to get to know whether you will even stay with him. being a single mum is not much fun, believe me! guys can up and leave, you cannot make them take their turn in looking after the child if they don't want to. my son is 13 now and me and his dad have been apart for 12 years, even now whenever i ask him to mind our son because i want to go out somewhere, he says 'no i can't, i've made plans already' or 'no i can't, i'm working a night shift that night' - and there is absolutely nothing i can do about it! he sees our son just once a month, even though he only lives in the next town, and i suppose i am lucky, some fathers don't even see their kids that often! also regarding the financial side of things, there are ways and means that a guy can wriggle out of his responsibilities - i knew a man who actually gave up work and made himself unemployed to avoid having to pay child maintenance to his ex!
please don't become just another miserable statistic. study hard so you can get a career and you don't have to go through life getting dead end jobs, working hard for rubbish money. enjoy your freedom while you are young! if you have a baby you will not have a free minute to yourself without having to ask someone to look after the child for you. enjoy that you can go where you want, when you want. i remember when my son was a young baby, even having 20 minutes to have a soak in the tub felt like a luxury to me!
imagine a life very unlike the one you have now, where you are having all your freedom to be all loved up with your new boyfriend, you can see each other and have sex with each other whenever you fancy - with a baby in tow, life is REALLY not like that.
i probably make motherhood sound like a horror story, i am just saying it is incredibly hard, even for a couple its difficult to look after a baby. on your own it is twice as hard
x
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female
reader, chula90h9 +, writes (29 September 2011):
 listen i had a child at 16 and it was no joke you need to wait finish highschool and go off to college once you have your degree and a good stable job and also a bf that you will marry and be with and you know he wont leave you then think of having a child. my baby daddy and i were together for 1 year. my pregnancy was unexpected,he eventually left me and the baby he moved on with his life and had another kid he did the same thing to the other girl just had the kid and left her. trust me you don't want that. yes i finished h.s but im not able to go to college because i have no one to care for my son. listen wait and later in in the future youll know when its time and when you mature you'll realize what guy really wnts to be with you and you'll know when its time to have your baby trust me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2011): What happened to buying a girl you like a bracelet??? You and this boy barely know eachother and he wants to have a baby? A child is not a fashion fad....WAIT untill you have a stable long term relationship and income.
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female
reader, Nataly +, writes (28 September 2011):
Nataly is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk thank you so much everyone for their advice and i see now all the responsibility i would need to take if i had a baby and from what it seems like i dont want one now maybe in the future only time will tell thank you to everyone!!!
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (28 September 2011):
 Why not wait until one or BOTH you have CAREERS not just jobs? I just heard on the news a couple of days ago that the cost of raisning a child to age 18 is estimated to be $226,920. Hard to do if you have no education and only one job earner. Forget about this nonsense and get a good education, both of you. Make a life for yourselves before you start someone else's.
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female
reader, pm17674 +, writes (28 September 2011):
Please dont have that baby. You are way too young to understand the magnitude of having a child at that age. You dont want to bring another child into this world simply because you want a child. You are young, with a bright future ahead of you.
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female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (28 September 2011):
no, still not a good idea. you are very young and have your life ahead of you, plenty of time to have babies when you have enjoyed your youth a bit longer. if you get pregnant you will regret it, i think i can guarantee that! especially when you are raising the child on your own as your boyfriend will be serving a prison sentence for sex with a minor. i am sorry to say this but the fact that you are asking this question shows that you lack common sense, and certainly not the amount of common sense that you need for looking after a child. this will come in time, give yourself the chance to mature and you will probably be a great mother. but PLEASE - not yet! did you know that studies have found teenage brains to have not developed enough to have the capacity to understand risks and consequences? that's why this idea seems ok to you and your bf but NOT to us boring adults.
its a very common thing for young women such as yourself to want to have babies. this is just your hormones talking, because physically you are in good condition for pregnancy and childbirth, but emotionally and financially and socially, you are not ready yet. less common is for young men to feel the need to have children. men are wired differently to us. there interest in baby making begins and ends with sex. if i were you i would be wary of this boyfriend. does he show signs of being jealous and insecure? it seems to me like he might be wanting you pregnant as a way of keeping you with him, but look out because in a few months/years when he tires of the relationship YOU will be left literally 'holding the baby'
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 September 2011):
 "thank you for the advice i appreciate everyones point of views but also my partner he is 18 and he has a job so is it still not agood idea??"
so he's 18.... you are NOT.
so many other things besides money we can deal with.
your body at 16 is still growing and maturing and cannot properly support a pregnancy. It would not be healthy for you or the baby physically. We won't even get into the emotionally unhealthy aspects of the pregnancy hormones on your mind....
At 18 he is working full time?
how much does he make?
so let's say he takes home generously 750 per week....
again: how much is rent? 1000 per month for a two bedroom? (because the baby will not be an infant in a crib in your room forever and adults do need privacy)
so that leaves 2000 per month....
gas and electric? 150 per month....
car and such expenses? My car just needed 1600 dollars worth of work to keep it running... there's oil changes and gas (my tiny car gets 25 mph and needs nearly 50 dollars of gas every week and MORE if I drive more places than usual...
what about car insurance... YOUNG MEN have very high car insurance... figure about 250 per month for car insurance
NO car? ok you tell me how you are going to take the baby and get on the bus and do the shopping???
oh speaking of which... HOW MUCH again do diapers cost?
what about YOUR medical care? what about his does he have health insurance? will the baby be covered? are you covered?
I'm not even getting into the aspects of NOT knowing a boy after 2 months.... seriously.... can you wait at least a year?
if not? why NOT... why is this baby so critical NOW?
I married my first husband so I had an excuse to stop going to school.... so many things i should have could have would have done differently if I had known at 21 what I know 30 yers later...
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female
reader, bunnyblueeyes +, writes (28 September 2011):
 The very fact that you are asking that question shows that you know
Now is not the right time. You have many, many years to have children.
Don't make the mistake of having a child and then resenting all that you've missed
Do not feel pressured. Your boyfriend can walk away from pregnancy. You cannot.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (28 September 2011):
 Horrible idea. Close to insane.
Illegal too- you are under age of consent , and he's not. Probably your parents would not press charges if he gets you pregnant , but, frankly , if it were me, I would. .
" He has a job " - in which world do you live ? Unless he's a teenage popstar, he can't possibly already earn enough to support decently himself, you and the baby- rent, car, insurance, doctors bills, food, utilities. CHILDCARE- very expensive,and you'll need it. Because you'd be in school, or in training for work , hopefully. I do hope that all you want from life is not just being a teen mom. With no income, no education, no independence, no life experience. If you don't build up your future now, acquiring an education or at the very least marketable skills and job experience, in 10 years you'll be virtually unemployable and who 's going to support your kid then, since there is absolutely no guarantee his father will still be around ? ( teen dads have an horrible track record for staying around ).
Or, do you plan to do your thing and have your mom/ his mom take care of the child ?... Then, should you not ASK them what do they think about your plan, before saddling them with a baby they never planned for ?
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female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (28 September 2011):
 No it makes it a very bad idea. This is an 18 year old ADULT MAN, who is trying to get a 16 year old CHILD pregnant.
No. Very bad idea. If you do this, you will regret it for the rest of your life.
Potentially he may also be commiting a crime already - what is the age of consent in your state? If you are below the legal age of consent then he has already broken the law by having sex with you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2011): No! Nothing would make this a good idea!!! Nothing!!
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male
reader, todsucht  +, writes (28 September 2011):
 in all aspects its a bad idea
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2011): Baaaaaaaaaaaad idea. You should be thinking about parties and getting a car and stuff like that, but definitely not having a baby.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2011): I don't mean to make light of your situation, but HELL NO!!! You are still a child yourself, live your life, travel, have fun. Because when you are responsible for another being for at minimum 18 years (legally an adult) and with this economy well there after there will be no spontaneous decision making you have to constantly think of yourself and child. Consider all this if you are willing and financially capable to handle this then obviously it's your decision.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (28 September 2011):
 Can you explain, precisely, what makes it a good idea? Because what you have presented is rather the opposite of a great start for a healthy happy baby.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (28 September 2011):
 Did you read the entire advise I gave you? No, still not a good idea! You've been together 2 months. In 2 years time it might be a good enough idea, because that's the amount it takes to know where your relationship is going and if it is good enough to raise a baby in. You do not know how reliable this job of his is, he could be lying about it for all you know, because 2 months really isn't enough to know him. And besides, you do not have a proper job yourself yet, do you?
You do not have any of the 3 things I wrote on the check-list. You do not have a committed man (2 months isn't enough time to prove commitment, no matter what circumstance. Only time shows commitment, and it should be at least a year before you take the relationship to the next level which is thinking of a family). 2, You do not have roof over your head as you are still dealing with your mother and you are 16 so I doubt, unless you are extremely wealthy with your own money, that you have your own place to live and 3, you do not have a good job yourself. A part time thing at the corner store isn't what I'm talking about here, I'm talking a full time job that gives you leave with pay after your child is born and that you can go back to work at once your child gets into kindergarden, OR that your boyfriend earns enough money to support 3 people, in which case he needs to marry you before I'd rely on him as any form of financial contributor.
No. Still not a good idea. You need all 3 things on the check-list. Not half of 1 of them (your boyfriend having a job, but you don't).
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2011): Do you REALLY think this is a good idea? Do you honestly believe having a baby so young with no money, no college education, and no real support is a good idea? Please tell me no. If you say yes then i will have lost all hope for this generation...
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female
reader, Nataly +, writes (28 September 2011):
Nataly is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for the advice i appreciate everyones point of views but also my partner he is 18 and he has a job so is it still not agood idea??
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (28 September 2011):
Here, this is a question from a woman who now has a 24 year old daughter. While she was older than 16 when she had her daughter, she did not have money, nor was the father involved, and it was hard. Read her question to see what you might be putting a future child through. This woman didn't intend for this to happen, and yes, plenty of fathers leave their child and offer no financial support, and there are no guarantees. But at least, you get a better shot at the father being around if you have a stable and reliable relationship before a baby comes into the picture, and if there is a marriage. Stay together and live together for more than a year (preferably 2-3 years) and commit to each other before committing to a child. This mother, like mine, did her very best. But love is sadly not all there is to it.http://www.dearcupid.org/question/should-i-create-a-bedroom-for-my-24.html
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (28 September 2011):
 This is a very, very, very, very, very, very, very... bad idea. Don't do it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2011): Let me tell you a story of my friend. She was 17 when she got pregnant for the love of her life! (You're not in love) They had a beautiful baby girl and then he left because guys don't stick around any longer than to say, "I made that!" and then they walk out forever, never to be seen again. (TEENAGE BOYS, I mean. One I assume your dating if not then it's illegal btw) He left, she couldn't get a job because she dropped out of school. They ended up living off the government, you know food stamps, salvation army clothes. By the time her little girl was 5, she had already worked as a waitress, a stripper, and at walmart. Since they had no family support eventually they ended up on the street cause let's be serious, the government can only help so much. To sum this up all of this happened because she was 17 and got pregnant because she THOUGHT she was ready.
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (27 September 2011):
Well, how old is he? And how will you pay for it? Where will you live?
Are you sure that he, after 2 months of dating, is someone you want to have in your life for the rest of your life? Because if so, why do you not wish to get married first? I do think marriage, which involves just the two of you, should be an easier thing to commit to than a baby, which involves a third person (the baby!).
Cosmopolitan (I love magazines) wrote that it takes 7 months before you actually start to get to know a person for who they truly are. And I agree. I actually think it takes longer, a year, to get to know someone for who they truly are. But 7 months, AT LEAST! 2 months just doesn't cut it, you still know nothing about the man.
It's nice if you and him both want children in your lives, but I'd be cautious, very cautious, of any man who wants a child with me after only 2 months. I'd worry he was... rushing it. And as they say, easy come easy go. If a man rushes into love, he'll soon be rushing away and falling for someone else. This means that while he is eager to have a child now, it appears he is just "in the mood" for a kid right now, regardless of with who. And then after another 2 months his "urge" for a kid might be gone. And then, if you're pregnant, you're screwed.
My dad wanted a kid with my mom after only 5 months. And she wanted a kid as well, so they went for it. Then he didn't want one after all, but she was already pregnant, with me! And he didn't want me. Yay for me. Of course, once I was born his attitude changed, but that still says a lot. My mom and dad also split up not long after and hate each other. I would so not recommend that for anyone planning to have a child.
If he wants a child with you now, and you want a child with him, and you want to commit to each other for the rest of your lives and bring up the child together (which is what is best for the child), then you can wait. Wait and see if you actually still like your boyfriend after a year and if he's still interested in having a child with you. And then get married first. If you are ready to commit to a child it should be easy breezy to commit to each other through marriage (both big ceremony or just on the paper will do).
Also, when planning for a child, it is great to have what is needed. Like money, a place to live etc. So here's your checklist for baby making:
1. you need a man. If you want to give your baby the best start in life, having a committed father is great. Now, not everyone wants marriage or living together, but I would prefer to not be a single mom and get married first. If a man can't marry me, he's not committed enough for a child, that's what I think anyway.
2. roof over your head. An apartment is nice, but rental isn't as great as owning something of your own. When you have a child, you want them to be able to have a place to call home. You can move around while the child is still little, but once it starts in kindergarden you'll want it to be able to make friends they can keep, and not have to change schools etc. and have to try and make new friends all the time. I moved around when I was little. Not fun. And I envied those who had a childhood home, that one place where they feel truly at "home", whereas I do not have such a place.
3. a steady income (from both you and the father). I grew up poor. I swore I'd never have my children grow up the same. I want to be able to give my future children things so they do not get picked at in school because they have to wear hand-me-down clothes. I also want to be able to help my children financially as they grow up, so they don't have to struggle so much. Paying for every thing yourself with no help from parents does make you tough and independent, but it can also make you (like me) quite bitter whenever you meet someone who's had an easier upbringing financially speaking.
Now, this is something I will tell anyone, not just you, and regardless of age. These are my personal choices and reasons. I grew up without my dad really being there, and without a place to call home as we moved around (we rented until I was 9, and then at 16 I moved out and my mom moved again, and now she lives in a place I never lived in, so it is not "home"), and relatively broke too. Because my mom was a single mom of two. And my dad had no income. I just really really do not want that for my own children. I promised myself, when I myself was a small child (around age 8), that I'd never put my own children through that. So please don't do it either. Sure I grew up into a functioning human.. I just want something better for my future kids.
At 16, you'll probably manage with a kid. But the risks are too high. And after 2 months you don't even know your boyfriend. See if he feels the same way after a year, and see if his financial stability is good enough for you to be dependent on it (because your child's well being will be dependent on his financial stability). Not all men are good enough to be the father of YOUR child. Pick the man you want as a father with care. This is a big decision. Make sure you do not pick the first man who wants a kid, but pick the best man you can pick for your future children.
Also, at 16, with him being more or less your first boyfriend (anything prior to 16 doesn't really mean much), it is too easy for you to think that you don't deserve better. With age you learn to expect more. So be careful before you settle with someone who you in 5 years time might think of as a complete loser.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2011): Please do not do this, not only will you destroy your life, but you will ruin your child's life as well, as you will not be able to afford to look after it properly. Do not listen to your partner, if he thinks he is ready for a child at the age of 16, he is a complete idiot.
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female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (27 September 2011):
i don't think i can add anything to the common sense answers below. just to re-iterate - no, this is definitely NOT a good idea and i hope you come to your senses - and quick! as your mother will probably be the one who would end up helping you financially and with the child care, don't you think you should involve her in the decision whether to have a child or not? go on; ask her if she thinks its a good idea!
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 September 2011):
NOT a good idea
tell me how will you support this baby?
what do diapers cost?
where will you live?
how much will the hospital cost?
how much is a visit to the pediatrician?
how will you get there? in a car? what does insurance and gas cost?
what about when your friends go out and you can't go? why can't you go? because you have a baby to take care of and
a. sitters cost money
b. you're tired
c. you have no money
NOT a good idea.
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female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (27 September 2011):
ok.... so let me get this straight.
You have known this guy for 2 months and slept with him straight away. And you are only 16. And you think this is a good idea?
You are in no way mature enough to have a baby. Period.
If you were old enough then you would realise 2 months is NO time to get to know someone. You barely know the boy (and he is still a boy). You have no idea of his intentions, or his commitment. He could run off tomorrow. Neither of you are adults.
You have no education, no income, no secure home. No Car. No prospects. How do you plan to support yourselves, let alone a baby.
How would you pay for a baby? They are expensive. Food, clothes, medical fees. Toys. Equipment.
Also, you have only known him for 2 months. How do you know you will even still be dating in another 2 months.
Babies are for life, not just for christmas.
Always use two methods of contraception, a condom and pill/shot/patch.
You are far too young and irresponsible to be having sex, let alone having a baby.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2011): No. It is not a good idea to have a baby at 16. Life is very hard as it is, and the more you can do to make it less hard is best.
Babies are not easy. They don't solve problems. They are 100% selfish and need you to do everything for them. Getting a job and paying for daycare is expensive. Daycare runs about $600-$1000 and even more depending where you live. That's monthly. Also, the food, clothes, toys, etc that you need on top of that. Plus any rent. And you struggle to get through school to better yourself as well.
It is better to wait than to have a baby at 16. It is good you know you want to be a mom. But just say "Someday I will be a mom and I will be the best mom I can. Today I will continue to grow and prepare myself for that goal."
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