A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My husband and i agreed to an open relationship not too long ago after being married for 6 years. I met my friends brother at a club few days back.He was flirting with me, buying me drinks, dancing with me etc. I told him about my relationship status.He said he was ok with it wants to kiss me and make out with me. That night we made out in the car for an hour or so but didn't have sex. It was so great.He was all over me and kept telling me how beautiful i am and how much he wants me but after that night i did not hear from him. I messaged him few days later just saying how are you, i'm thinking about you but he didn't reply and he also didn't respond to my friend request on facebook. I told my husband everything that happened and he said no big deal maybe he is just uncomfortable with this lifestyle and did something in the heat of the moment but doesn't want to take things forward. But i feel so hurt, i gave him my body and then i didn't even hear anything from him later. Even if he didn't want to be part of this he could have at least replied to my message and ended it with a smile.He was the first person after my husband who i was physical with so i keep thinking about him.My husband told me not to take it personally but I feel used and rejected.Also my friend didn't know about our open relationship so she could be stopping her brother too. should i talk to my friend about it? I wonder what happened, all was great. I don't want to date him if he doesn't want to but i just want to know if it'snormal to feel this way? Am i over thinking it? Any other thoughts?
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female
reader, KittieS  +, writes (11 October 2011):
 An open relationship would never be for me, I just couldn't handle the fact my OH was sleeping with people, let alone being emotional with other people - but I always considered an open relationship to be where you just had "sex" with someone else, not dating, no emotion just sex almost like what happens in the FWB situation.
This is something for you Abd your husband to decide, but I cannot see how this will ever work out for you when your becoming emotionally involved.
I think you need to asses your marriage your in your early 20's, and have only been married for six years - maybe it's time to move on.
Sorry if that sounds harsh just an opinion.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2011): Open relationship is an occasional sex with other people while your main partner remains your husband or boyfriend doesn't mind it if you or him do it sometimes without sacrificing marriage or relationship.If you start develop any kind of feelings, and I mean it when I say ANY, it's not open relationship anymore, it's an affair which completely defeats the purpose of open relationship.That's why open relationship don't last inn general and people end up hurting each other and themselves, because we develop feelings for our sexual partner often.I ve had it when i was very young, it didn't work. That guy who never answered to you may be doesn't want to deal with this whole issue. For most people open relationship is something real unacceptable and weird. Good luck to u to figure out what is that u really want
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (11 October 2011):
 YouWish has hit the nail on the head - an open marriage/relationship is designed so that you have 1 (only 1) stable, committed parter and then you both can go out and have sex or a bit of fun without consequences. However it is not designed to allow you to have multiple relationships and fall in love with multiple people - the idea is that these 'other' people in your life are just a bit of no strings fun.
It sounds to me like you are going out looking to find another relationship which is completely wrong, you clearly had feelings for this guy hence why you are so hurt - that should not be happening in an open marriage. I mean open relationships and marriages are a joke anyway, I mean you have pretty much just thrown your marriage vows down the toilet and clearly are not mature enough to be married in the first place, but that is a different matter.
It really is quite simple - if you dont want fun sexual encounters then stop looking for other people outside of your husband. When you tell a man you are in an open relationship, their opinion will be that you are open for sex but you have your husband so it is never going to be a relatiosnhip. Therefore any man you meet will treat you the exact same way - he will have a bit of fun with you and then move on.
Why would a guy pursue a married woman? What would be the point in texting you or keeping in touch? You are married to someone else therefore can never be in a serious relationship with another person unless you get divorced, so you are never going to be the sort of woman a guy wants to pursue and keep in touch with. You will only ever be a bit of no strings fun, and that is what you have signed up to with this open marriage idea.
It really does baffle me that you can even comprehend dating another person whilst you are married - you made vows to love your husband and your husband only for the rest of your life! Dating indicates that you want to build a relationship, and if you are building relationships and developing feelings for multiple men that is just complicated, painful and could well end up being a route into polygamy which is illegal.
So you need to review what it is that you are actually doing. Why are you looking to develop relationships and feelings with other men? What is your marriage lacking that means you need to seek these things from other men? It sounds to me like there are problems in the marriage and that is why you are seeking this emotional fulfillment elsewhere, it doesnt sound like you have a grasp on what a real open marriage is and clearly you are not just looking for sex, hence why an open marriage (not that it works for anyone) wont ever work for you. Have a good hard think about if this is working and what you need to change to make yourself happy, because clearly this isnt doing it for you.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (11 October 2011):
I agree with everyone else. You don't seem to be able to grasp the principle of an open relationship, or atleast your version of it is not in line with the person you had sex with--he obviously viewed it as pure sex/no strings attached thing that didn't require any extra effort.
Like So_Very_Confused said, please figure out for yourself if you're cut out for this type of arrangement. It's not all fun and games if you bring your feelings into it. That's why open relationships almost always FAIL.
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A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (11 October 2011):
I'm going to take a stab in the dark here and suggest that it was your husbands idea to go along with an open relationship. Or it was your idea, because it was the only way you could keep him.
I say that because to me, you don't seem like the type who would ordinarily be happy to share their husband with other women, and then also have casual sex yourself outside of your marriage.
The problem here is not that the guy you were physical did not speak to you afterwards, but that you are in a marriage that is not working out and you crave and miss attention from someone you want to be close to.
I'm pretty sure when you got married that you made certain vows that you promised to keep. Something has obviously not worked out, am I right?
Truth is, no man in his right mind would want to carry on an affair with you. Most guys that you approach and tell them your status are likely to A) run a mile or B) have sex with you and then run a mile. That is because, you are basically saying "I'm a married women but I also want to have sexual and physical relationships too" how do you think that makes you seem?
You really do need to take a long hard look at yourself, and ask yourself: Are you really happy with your life right now?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (11 October 2011):
 deep sigh. An open marriage ruined my marriage. Just saying.
why in the world would you be hurt... in an open marriage extra curricular activities are all about sex and bodies... not emotional attachment. Sounds to me like you will be a very bad swinger if you need emotional attachments to make yourself happy...
I know I did. and that's why I was a terrible swinger.
I met the man I'm with now while in an open marriage... my spouse finally could not deal with the emotional attachment I had to this man... he left and I'm with the guy I was having an extra-curricular relationship with. We plan to marry and we are very clear that we have a MONGOMOUS relationship...
I was part of a BBW swingers group... lots of men think that swingers are free and easy and they treat you like meat... it's worse if you are not model thin and stunning, then they think you are desperate and treat you lower than trash....
THINK long and hard about if your emotional makeup can handle this free and easy no strings attached sex... mine could not.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (11 October 2011):
 Sounds like you're not good for the open relationship scene. The idea of an open marriage is that you have pure sex WITHOUT emotion. You are having feelings for this other guy.
You used him and he used you. If you can handle it, then it's fun! There's nothing to reject if there's no relationship. It was a simple sexual encounter.
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