A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I met a woman online in a chat room. It wasn't any sort of "Adult" chat room. It was just casual. She lives one state over from me, but we have never met. At first we were just friends, but over time our conversations became more intimate and sexual. She morphed from being very guarded and somewhat critical of me if I flirted too much to almost always wanting to engage in sexually-charged chats. She told me she is 26 years old (I am 38) and a medical student. Later, she said that she's also a stripper. Then, she said she quit that job (afraid of ruining her medical career) and became just a regular waitress while still a med student. Her income is down as a result and she is struggling a bit. She says she is toying with the idea of returning to stripping while also determined not to go back to that if she doesn't have to.I am not an idiot. I have regarded her with a great deal of skepticism from the beginning. She is incredibly smart, incredibly beautiful, very sexy, and a great conversationalist. If it's too good to be true, then it probably is, right? On the other hand, we have talked a lot (at least 3-4 nights per week for 4-6 hours each time) and if she is perpetrating a ruse it is a good one. We have now been chatting for over 2 years and she has never said anything which makes me doubt her veracity. We sent photos back and forth and otherwise became familiar with even the mundane aspects of our lives (although never revealing our names), but recently she dropped a bombshell on me revealing she is married to a 32 year old man who lives out of the country while she attends school here. She had sort of hinted at that before in retrospect. That was not a deterrent to me, however, and I told her I didn't care. That's her personal life and I haven't even met her.Once she knew I didn't care if she was married that seemed to stimulate her. In the past week she has asked me for my real name and things have become a lot more real, a lot more intimate in many ways. This is exciting for me, but it also raises a lot of red flags. How much of what she has told me is the truth? What happens from here? Am I a convenient fantasy or a genuine love interest? I would say that I don't care too much either way at the moment, but I do want to know where I stand. I would hate to fall for her and find out she is playing. I would also hate for her to expect more from me than I am willing to give. Should I just come out and ask her? Should I believe her answers?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2011):
OP here:
"no med student has that kind of time..... seriously."
People say this, but unless they are med students why do they think it is true? I have a grad degree in engineering from a respected (Top 25) university and as a student I still had a lot of downtime and I also worked 20 hours per week. Did I study as much as some? No. Was as smarter than some? Yes. In fact, the smarter the student, the less time spend studying.
I am not saying I discredit all of the advice given, but having time to chat 4 nights per week is hardly damning evidence she's a liar. I worked full-time while taking some grad classes and still had time for a relationship.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 November 2011):
 "(at least 3-4 nights per week for 4-6 hours each time)"
no med student has that kind of time..... seriously.
and it's common internet lore that girls put themselves through school stripping... school yes.. but not elevated school like law school or medical school there just isn't time to work and study enough....
have fun with the fantasy DO NOT SEND her ANY MONEY EVER.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2011): OP here:Thanks for the warnings. I guess I am more naive than I figured. Would a person really conduct a con over TWO YEARS (or more) ? Our relationship evolved over time and the details have come slowly. If it is a con, then I guess it is a long, slow con. I will be more careful about that, but so far I haven't sent her a dime nor has she asked. Point taken about a jealous husband lurking.We usually talk at night as she studies - usually Thursday through Sunday nights after she gets off work. She did tell me where she went to undergrad, where she goes to medical school, and even where she works. Based on my conversations with her, I believe she is a medical or nursing student. She knows too much about the process and medicine. (My sister and mother are both nurses, so I have a good feel for it.) This is her last year of medical school and she is in the process of applying to specialty programs.However, I do agree that there must be some messy details somewhere. She says that she is a foreigner herself and she intends to go back to her country of origin (in Western Europe) after obtaining her MD in the US. She hasn't talked at all about divorce, nor have I yet asked her.Should I confront her with some harsh questions? Sounds like I am being told to do just that.
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A
male
reader, asap09marc  +, writes (12 November 2011):
 Oh dear,you have fell for an internet troll. I myself have been taken once or twice. Get back online and get another.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (12 November 2011):
 I have to agree with the other two posters. If she is a Med student she doesn't have time to both be a waitress and talk to you as much as she does.
The fact that she keeps talking about how hard it is to make ends meet without stripping... seems like a "hint" to have to help her out so she doesn't have to strip. Her husband ought to help her out, not some "stranger" she flirts with online. So watch out for that.
Not only that but she is married. Now you might be ok with being her fantasy on the side, but I highly doubt the husband appriciate it.
If you have her name and town she lives in you could run a background check.. see if she really is who she claims to be, however, I think you are wasting your time on this one.
You are a fantasy to her. She can be whomever she wants to be with you. Even the pictures she provided could be someone else. You just never know.
Watch your back.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (11 November 2011):
 correction: "suckered in BY a confidence trickster"
sorry about the typo error on my part.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (11 November 2011):
First I do not believe she is a Med student. No Med student can attend to all their study and talk 4-6 hours for 3-4 times a week.
And I hate to be the bearer of negative tidings but I just hate seeing a man suckered in my confidence trickster.
It is likely that there is a male partner in the wings (not the one overseas) and I suggest you do please take care. I think she is setting you up to scam you financially.
It is not cheap studying to be a Doctor, she should have qualified by now. And in any case Doctors work such insane hours that I think it unlikely she could do all the other things, and keep up her focus on medicine, study, attend classes, talk to you and do some part time work.
You might be safer if you used some self control and broke with her competely. But I expect you will not.
Or certainly let her know that you will be happy to talk again after her divorce is through.
Or is it that she scammed an ex husband and he's walked out, poorer, in disgust?
If you still want to believe her then find out where she studies medicine - watch her back-peddle.
If you made inquiries it is unlikely the medical school has even heard of her, unless she is a waitress serving at an establishment near the Med school?
How long before she shares more about her messy life?
She is already hinting that finances are tough. The hints on that will become more strident soon, as she reels you in.
Please do take care.
And yes you are right:
"If it's too good to be true, then it probably is, right?"
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