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He will not commit but have I put up with this for too long? Should I stay or go?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Friends, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 December 2014) 3 Answers - (Newest, 31 December 2014)
A female United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

I have been friends with this guy for years I have met his mom and sisters they all know about me.

He practically shares everything with me even personal stuff like his habits bank details etc. I literally am his first point of call whenever he needs to make a decision or needs something if his stress, appointments etc but I am not his girlfriend.

He is still single he won't commit.

Recently he has said it on two occasions he has feelings and we argue like a married couple he will justify when I accuse him of talking to others.

This has been going for year I told him first I have got feelings he said needs time now he saying its mutual but he dissapears when his bored he will block me act all dodgy.

I told him i'm moving on I do that his back on my case falling asleep on the phone. I come to the point that he is use to me and needs me more than I need him this isnt friendship and I dont see this going anywhere I use to want it to so bad I am woman I get attached. I have said many times before I am leaving and the essays come out of reasons why and he's treated me like this.

Yet I always go back when he chases and tells me he cares.

Now he's like ive given you benefit of doubt with your immature behaviour you dont trust me but Im still here made me feel guilty.

I have tolerated his lack of respect calling me dumb when I do his paperwork for him or insulting me or my family.

Now I reached the goodbye time, but should I say to him you said u got feelings we sleep on the phone one day u decide you act shifty and so now I am moving on I wont wait or should I leave in silence?

View related questions: immature

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A female reader, Ginger fish Canada +, writes (31 December 2014):

Ginger fish agony auntYou need to block him on your phone, Facebook etc. He's not going to change he has no Reason to nor does he want to. If you go back to him you will live a life of misery and its not worth it. You need to get your self a journal and write down all the reasons your leaving, write down every thing you dislike about him. For instance he disrespects you and your family. Stuff like that, and when you do leave read it over and ovfer again, every day, it will remind you what he's really like and why you left in the first place. This guy sounds like user, he wants you but doesn't want to commit so he's keeping you on hold waiting giving you a little bit of the boyfriend experience to hold you there, to tease you. Then ignores you when he wants to go out and be single? This isn't how you want to live. You deserve to go out meet people and have some fun, drop this dip stick and I can guarantee you will start meeting nice people. Don't even tell him what your doing, for your own sake as he will try and manipulate you. He's not a good guy please remember that. Stay strong! You deserve better :)

Good luck

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (31 December 2014):

Honeypie agony auntI agree with SVC, I doubt you will leave, but here goes.

YOU are getting something out of this, or you would have been gone long time ago. Maybe you LIKE being needed (who doesn't?), maybe it's your maternal instincts taking over a bit, or maybe you are hoping he will eventually WAKE UP, and see what a great girl he has RIGHT in front of him. (you) and... HE won't. He already knows. He get the whole "girlfriend experience" when he WANTS it from you, and when he wants to be alone or single... he ignores you.

You have two choices, stick it out and continue to be miserable and unfulfilled...


CUT him off 100%. And then MOVE on.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (31 December 2014):

So_Very_Confused agony auntyou won't leave. you have told him this over and over and you keep going back.

that;s what he believes because that's what you have taught him.

how do you plan to stay gone from him this time?

I wouldn't say anything since you would just be setting yourself up again to essentially be a liar. (not intentionally)

just tell yourself it's over, block his email, his phone and all social media. he'll figure it out.

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