A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have caught my boyfriend on dating sites 5 times this year. He has promised to stop doing it from now on. He said that all the other times too. I find all i do lately is look for evidence of him doing it again. Just like i have done in the past and ended up finding it. Would it be better to end this relationship now? It is not how i want to be. I just want a normal relationship where i can trust and believe. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, somewhere_between +, writes (27 December 2012):
 You are in an abusive relationship. He believes he can do what he wants because at the very worst, it will only be a bit of an argument and then it`s back to where he left off again. No one in the right mind would allow them self to have to compete against a dating site. get someone better.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2012): I'd dump them the first time they were on a dating site then again I dumped my ex boyfriend for using porn whilst dating me.
That is extremely annoying and is not normal behaviour I had an ex that I found out logged into a dating site when we were together for 11 months and the night I dumped him.... I found out he had been talking to loads of girls that very same night but before I left crocodile tears. Some men are pigs.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2012): I think you should end it and make sure you pick the next one carefully! My most recent ex and I only dated for a month. He had these dumb meeting sites before I knew him, and to help reassure me he wouldn't be sneaking behind my back, he got rid of them. Two weeks into our relationship, we had a disagreement on something small and the next day I found him on those sites again. I was stupid enough to stay with him for another unhappy two weeks, and with each day that went by came another new girl to talk to for him. I eventually found out after we broke up that he was sending/receiving dirty pictures with underage girls. Great. Don't let it happen to you and get out of it while you can! No one should have to worry about their bf/gf sketching around like that.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (27 December 2012):
 There is an old saying “fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me” this man has lied to you and cheated on you FIVE TIMES. Why are you accepting this mistreatment?
YOU do not trust him. YOU WILL NEVER trust him again. And you should not. By forgiving him 5 times you have taught him he can do it, get caught, get forgiven and keep on going.
IF you want a relationship based on trust and honesty you have to find an honest man you can trust.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2012): "It is not how i want to be. I just want a normal relationship where i can trust and believe."
That requires a boyfriens who is trustworthy and honest.
If you are foolish enough to keep believing his lies, then you will never have a "normal" relationship.
Don't believe what he SAYS (he has promised to stop going on dating sites five times this year), beleieve what he DOES (he has gone on dating sites five times this year).
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A
female
reader, thinkb4  +, writes (27 December 2012):
You aint going to get it from him, that`s for sure. I would check again if I was you.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (27 December 2012):
 Just a few days ago we had this very same question.. with the sexes reversed (She went to the dating sites)... and the concensus was: End it.....
Case closed...
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2012): Yes it would be better to end this relationship now. Of course it is not how you want it to be. I am sure you would be a very happy lady if he were an honest and faithful man but the fact is he is not and probably never will be. This person is not respecting you at all and is using your good nature and a boohoo story to get around you time and again. It is not fair because he is using up your time and attention on something he does not think is important....the relationship. While he is having a high ole time shmoozing the ladies, you are missing out on the type of relationship you deserve with a loving, loyal partner.You sound as if you are very forgiving and loyal, lovely qualities in a person. So don`t let this character spoil who you are or take advantage of you any longer. You really do deserve much better and it is all out there waiting for you once you off load this toxic person. All the best.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (27 December 2012):
 Hi
Oh he's got it made hasn't he, a licence to do as he wants with regard to dating sites.While you forgive and never forget,lose sleep,check up on him etc..
Trust and honesty isn't his style.Get rid and find a man who knows how to treat a woman with respect, give yourself a life of happiness and peace of mind...
He has had 5 chances,enough is enough,he has blown it well and truly.
Good luck xx
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (27 December 2012):
 Five times he has promised to not do it again. Five times he has lied through his back teeth. What makes you think he will not lie a sixth, seventh, twentieth time?
As long as you keep accepting his promises he will continue to break them.
If you want a relationship with trust and truth its time to give this one a miss and start looking again.
Don't fall for his lies, he isn't going to change. One second chance is fine, two acceptable at a pinch, but anything past that and you are setting yourself up for a life of disappointment.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (27 December 2012):
 Then you can't have it with this guy.
5 times is too much. It's Ok giving a second chance , ... maybe a third in some rare cases... but whoever has ever heard of a sixth chance ? Only if you like to be made fun of.
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A
female
reader, Jeanette82 +, writes (27 December 2012):
 I have been where you are. It never went away and it went on for years, and it even still goes on now. He tried getting back with me, yet was still on those dating sites. Dump him and forget that he and dating sites exist.
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A
male
reader, Jimmy.L. +, writes (27 December 2012):
What you want, you will never get from him. Of course you should end it. You should have ended it the first time you caught him.
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A
male
reader, scottmartinez2012 +, writes (27 December 2012):
 relationships are like business deals where 2 parties come together to do business which is profitable for both. i say business cause in business you want least investment and largest profit. you would always wanna be around a person with whom you can be yourself , don't need to think much.
trust and believe are the foundations on which a relationship (deal) is based. so i think you should break up with.. a dummy break up, like ringing the bell for him and then get back together after some time.
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