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I threw myself at him, Did he lose respect for me? Is there a chance of turning this around?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating, Friends, Sex, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 April 2011) 4 Answers - (Newest, 11 April 2011)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

dated this guy I work w/ for a while, it was steady, intense and consistent. Then I pulled away bc he wasn't spending enough time w/ me. I had hoped he would try to work it out w/ me, but he didn't..he just let me go. I mean, canceled our weekend date, declined his offer to see me the following day, and ultimately ended it saying it wasn't working and we weren't right for each other. He agreed and said it was amicable and mutual. But I was heartbroken. I was too shy to put my neck on the line and ask him if he wanted to work on it, so it was over.

Fast forward a few weeks. We've been friendly and flirty inside the office. Finally Friday night I texted him, which was sort of a big deal bc we hadn't spoken through text since we broke up. at first..On Sat. night I invited him over to keep me company bc I had to cancel my Sat. night plans bc I twisted my ankle. He couldn't make it on short notice, had other plans w/ a guy friend. The next day, Sunday, he suggested coming over to take care of me, but I was that afternoon I start texting sexy stuff. For instance, he asked if I could use some TLC for the ankle and I said, "TLC...does that mean Touching, Licking cl*t?" That got him goin, lol, (bc he was a freak w/ going down on me) so he started texting all this sexy stuff and then I said:

"Despite all my explicit flirty sexting, I can't honestly imagine myself hooking up to be honest...but ya never know...can't tell the future"

then I said:

"Don't take anything I say too seriously...I don't hook up. You'd have a better chance winning the lottery...I don't mean half of what I say, I don't even listen to myself anymore."

Him: "haha all Bark and no bite"

Me: "Yesss exactly...and if you ever tried to treat me that way, there might be a bite involved."

Him: "Hahaha never. Ur too good."


3 hours later:

I said I knew it was none of my business but was just curious if he had "gotten lucky" with anyone since our breakup...he said no. [Now. I am a really nice girl--a virgin, I made him wait a a few dates before getting intimate, for a few weeks we were just kissing and nothing else before we took it to the next level...I'm RELIGIOUS, I don't drink.. but I have a really really HIGH SEX DRIVE! I'm horny. Like, masturbates in the bathroom on lunch break level of horny! I'm not even kidding.)

So he asked me if I had been w/ anyone else and this is how the rest of the convo went:

Me: Noooo that's why I've been masturbating in the bathroom at work

Him: U have a hearty sexual appetite. I love that. I liked that it matched mine

Me: haha it would be fun for us to meet halfway tonight and go down on each other in the car

Him: :-)

Me: Want to?

Him: I didn't know if you were serious after what you said earlier lol

Me: I know I'm just really horny, truth is I'd regret it and kick myself tomorrow bc like I told you-- I'm not designed for casual sex..but I am soo horny and I trust you and we have good sexual chemistry. What the heck, let's just do it, there are worse things--let's be young while we're young.

Him: Alright. Where is halfway?


After I drove home from work.

Me: I don't think this is a good idea. .. I'm sorry. Besides I'm pretty sleepy. I'll see you tomorrow at work. Don't think I was just messing w/ you bc I wasn't, but u were gonna let me do something I'd regret tomorrow, what does that say? I deserve better. It's not nice to reinforce someone's low self image or take advantage of a weak moment so think about that for a second before you crucify me for being a tease.

So he told me it's fine and that he was just going along with my idea and he didn't want to force me to do anything I wasn't comfortable with... He also said he hoped I wasn't mad at him...then I start wanting to do it again!

Me: I'm so wettt..I could use some TLC...

Then I sent him 2 pics of my butt in white panties, which I'd never done before! He kept texting sexy things but wouldn't come meet me.

Me: You're right. I'm sry, I get sooo horny and will do or say a lot of crazy things, and then the minute it's relieved I'm soo embarassed, it's like my version of drunkenness lol.

I offered a couple of more times, and he declined, telling me that I really turn him on but he doesn't want me to feel bad.

Me: Okay, I understand. Thanks.

Him: No problem babe :-) And just so you know, I reeeeeeeeally wanted to. The two of us doing that together are amazing :-)

Me: Thank you soooo much, I would've felt like crap about myself and deep down would've resented you in the aftermath. Thank you for being a thoughtful and considerate person.


The thing is, I love him and actually want to work on a relationship, but I wish he'd take charge a little. He is just like playable, he just goes along with whatever I say. I don't want to risk rejection. Do you think I have a chance? Do you think he'll ever make a move? Do you think he lost respect for me last night?

View related questions: at work, broke up, drunk, flirt, heartbroken, horny, kissing, my ex, sex drive, shy, text

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A female reader, mizz.butterflies United States +, writes (11 April 2011):

mizz.butterflies agony auntUuugh ur sending mixed signals.u want him or not?

lemme answer this for u.

U want him IF he respects u.

guess what.

he doesnt.

hes the type that would break ur heart.

he hadd the chance of dating u,but blew it off.

stop sending pics to him,stop SEXTING him,if u want stimulation flirt with a stranger online.

be careful. be safe. ur a virgin. dont give it to him.

he wont change. guys say anything to have sex.

pull urself together and start acting like the smart girl that u are.

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A female reader, YouWish United States + , writes (11 April 2011):

YouWish agony auntIf you love him and want to work on a relationship, you're going about it very wrong. You say that you don't hook up, yet your communication is nothing but sexual, and we're not talking innuendo. You're giving him mixed messages big time.

You're telling him that you're horny, but he has no chance. You're telling him that you're masturbating in the bathroom, yet want him to see you as relationship material. This guy wants sex. He's not playing around unless you're going to be action and not talk.

If you are truly religious and a virgin, then let your actions back that up. You can't say you're religious, use that to keep a guy at sexual arm's length, but then start sexting blatent, brash, in-your-face sexual come-ons. It doesn't work that way.

Also, you said you broke up with him for not spending enough time with you, but then you cancelled his weekend and the next day's spending time with you? You sound a bit confused about who you are and what you want, but I will tell you that you should not use sex to try to get a guy into a relationship. Isn't your personality enough? If you portray a message, guys will treat you like that, even though you don't want what you're projecting.

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A male reader, thomas1214 Canada +, writes (11 April 2011):

well if he goes along with whatever you say does he go along with what others say to? maybe you should take this as a sign. find someone who knows when to agree but has the b@lls to know when to disagree. sure this kind of guy maybe a ass sometimes.. but seriously what guy isn't?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2011):

Hi there. He seems like a decent guy and not willing to use you for just sex if it means he has to pretent it means more but you are playing with fire and I fear you will give in. You are desperately attempting to lure him with sex to get him to work on a relationship and it backfired and it always will. Hon, he doesn't want a relationship with you and he knows what you are doing and he's not taking the bait. It seems time to let this one go and learn your lesson.

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