A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Straight to the story, Been dating this guy for 2 months now. Everything was perfect, he is the sweetest person ever! Just one problem and i don't know if i should feel insecure or not! Or what i should even do, i feel like shit! He is very over possessive, he doesn't like me talking to a lot of guys, and doesn't like it when i talk to him about some guys either. He says it makes him jealous when i tell him for instance about a particular guy i find cute. I totally understand that!! And I've even changed my ways for him to feel better. Now the problem, he's always talking about girls he finds hot, or adorable and kids about the fact that he wishes he was dating them than me. He has this one friend in another country, who he is pretty close to, they text occasionally. He tells me how pretty she is (she is in fact very gorgeous) and how amazing she looks in a bikini. I wasn't jealous until recently when he said he thinks i'm fat and that i need to work out. I am 'healthy' and I've always accepted it. i don't want to be stick thin! but after he's said that thoughts like 'oh, he's not into you, you're fat, there are so many other girls out there who he finds hotter!' have crept into my head. I've tried telling him, but he doesn't stop talking about these other girls! Please help! And for those of you who'll tell me to dump him right away, it isn't easy for me to do that :'( i really like this guy and would love for things to work out between us.
View related questions:
insecure, jealous, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2012): There are always someone hotter than anyone. What difference does it make. I m married to a good looking man, but there are plenty of men out there who are hotter than my husband. I don't wish I was them. Though realizing that physically they are more attractive I don't find myself wanting to be with them.
The fact that you recent boyfriend starts telling you these things from the beginning are alerting to me. It's not going to get better, you know.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (14 October 2012):
 This guy is NOT sweet at all.
The reason he calls you FAT is to control you and look, it's WORKING, isn't it?
By MAKING you think you actually ARE fat, he gets the upper hand, because you are starting to feel like you aren't worthy of him.
You can't talk to other guys but he can talk to other girls? Can't you see that is wrong?
Honey, this will ONLY get worse.
Get out now. You can do a WHOLE lot better then this creep.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2012): He's started out saying these things to get back at you for saying other guys are cute. Now he's going too far. He's trying to work on knocking down your self esteem because HE'S insecure. He wants to be sure you'll never leave him by making you feel like you couldn't do any better. Calling you fat, or saying how hot other women are is supposed to make you feel you are lucky he's with you and not them. I know this, because I dated someone who did the same thing to me. He would even stare at women on the front covers of magazines while we waited in line at the grocery store, and say how he wishes my body looked like that. I would just tell him I don't wanna look like that, because they all look the same anyway, big fake boobs, too skinny, artificial tan, too much makeup, etc. He would then say I must be jealous to insult them like that, and I started to believe it. We went on like that for 3 years before I finally said I've had enough. People like this just aren't worth it.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2012): Too many red flags!!!!!
Youre holding on to him because you THINK you cant get anyone else-rubbish so if you have two heds 5 arms and so forth -then go and find someone who has three heads 9 arms etc etc -you are better than he is!!!!!
I am more than plump and believe you me I KNOW for a fact not all men do like thin women I know lots of men who actually prefer plumper women FACT!!!!!
...............................
A
female
reader, Madalo 1  +, writes (14 October 2012):
I agree with all the below posters. There's nothing to hold on to, let go now before it gets any harder. Cute,loving,considerate,sweet etc guys do exist. Dont settle for less.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 October 2012):
 Let me start with the fact that at two months out you should still be in bliss with a new guy. Red flags and complaints after a mere 8-10 WEEKS means that after 8-10 months or longer you will have an even longer list of what's wrong.
Thankfully he's showing his true colors early on so you can make your choice to go easily....
"he is the sweetest person ever... i feel like shit"
do you see a problem with the above statement? how can the sweetest person ever make you feel like shit?
"He is very over possessive, he doesn't like me talking to a lot of guys, and doesn't like it when i talk to him about some guys either."
overly possessive men who are jealous do not love you. Jealousy is NOT an emotion rooted in love... it's an emotion rooted in insecurity as is possessiveness.
YOU not speaking to guys just masks the problem it does not fix it.
OP said: "Now the problem, he's always talking about girls he finds hot, or adorable and kids about the fact that he wishes he was dating them than me."
WOW the ONLY problem is that he's got a double standard? that he insults you? that he's allowed to talk about girls he finds hot and YOU can't even TALK TO guys?
IF my man wished in front of me that he was dating someone instead of me, he would be totally FREE of me to be able to PURSUE the HOT girls.
OP said "he said he thinks i'm fat and that i need to work out."
well my response would have been "yeah and you're a moron and need to start looking for a new girl friend"
You don't want to dump him... ok.... you say you really like him.
OK i get it and that's fair... so here's my question for YOU...
tell me WHY you really like this guy....
is he kind?
is he loving?
does he give you fantastic orgasms?
My years of experience have told me that it's more about YOU being afraid to be alone... you'd rather be with an emotional abuser.... and honey that's OK as long as you accept that he's going to get worse. he will eventually beat you down and you will leave... if you are like me you will wait 10 years and be leaving with two small children....
tell me all the GOOD things about the relationship...
let's see if the pros really do outweigh the cons.
...............................
A
female
reader, babyzbird +, writes (14 October 2012):
 I couldn't have said it better then Aunty BimBim. Another thing I would like to mention is you already admit he is possessive and jealous. Those are two (huge) red flags that he can turn out to be an abuser.
Where it has only been 2 months I would dump him NOW. Your never going to be happy with him. He sounds like a horrible boyfriend!! How could things possibly work out when his behavior will only get worst over time!
Trust me, there are better guys in the world that is worth your time. He isn't one of them.
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (14 October 2012):
 You are right, the relationship sounds perfect! Apart from his making you feel like shit that is. Oh, and also apart from the fact he has you so confused you don't know if you should feel insecure or not.
Hmm, there is also the fact he is constantly putting you down by comparing you badly to some woman he tells you is better than you, but his sense of humour balances that out, what a hoot it must be for him to joke about how you are not good enough to be his girlfriend. Every woman I know wants a man with a wonderful sense of humour.
Well the relationship is perfect apart from the little issues above, but surely they can be worked through, even though you have already asked him not to do that and he is ignoring your request, I assume him having one set of rules for you and a different set for him is just another example of his wonderful sense of humour haha.
Why would I tell you to dump him, its going so well and its only been two months, he demonstrates every day in every way how much he loves you and how precious you are to him.
Seriously girl, where's your sense of self. Dump him!
...............................
A
female
reader, banditsmom1124 +, writes (14 October 2012):
 RUN AWAY AS FAST AS YOU CAN!!! things will only get worse! this guy seems like a major control freak...things will only get worse.
...............................
|
