A
female
age
36-40,
*ayechris07
writes:Dear cupid, im in totally mess right now, i hope you can help me more than i can help myself, im facing such a messy situation what can i do..My story goes this way, i had a boyfriend right now, we already knew each other for about a year i think its 15 months, i met him and it happened that we fall for each other.But before i was about to continue let me tell you first that i am already a married person who had a daughter, but because i dont love this father of my daughter i dont live with them and just prefer to live on my own dear cupid its very difficult to stay together with a man that i dont even love since before weve gone married, i was just forced to take the deal to sign up a contract of our wedding is because of our child, and its my parents decision...Ive been practical to my husband because i dont want him to be hurt i understand him if he loves me but the problem is that i couldnt give back the love he wanted,that could not be happen, i tried my best but i only wanted us to be friends and i really like him to be an old brother to be because i swear he's kind but i just cant love him, and back to the situation that im in right now i had a boyfriend i love him so much,please what can i do my husband doesnt know all about this and so my boyfriend.Dear cupid do you you think im a real bad person, that i cant face my own responsibilities, would it be so unfair to live in one ceiling with a man without my feelings on him but just like a brother..And to my boyfriend im really guilty of all the things that i do he's so inoccent of all this, im afraid by the time he'll find out the truth, oh my god im really scared to loose him, i know in my mind,body and soul he also loves me.By the way i am living with him together with his family, what if his father and mother will too find out..Can you please help me and give the best advise of what can i do.Dearcupid im guilt of all the days that ive been pretending all over.Help me please :'(
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female
reader, fayechris07 +, writes (26 July 2014):
fayechris07 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks, :) i knew that from the very begening ive been so selfish, full of strenght and able to face this situation myself, its very annoying, i know its too late. I wanted to confess about it but i dont have enough courage to do it. I wanted someone to help atleast in this kind of conversation ive been lighten to all of your comments. One question ive got here?---But lets just say ill leave a long letter to him saying the whole truth and just get lost, and i cant promise if i can go back home directly maybe ill just move to a place where in i can think more deeply before going home you know that kind of alibi?would it be possible for me to move on easily, or maybe ill try to depend on myself instead of others will.My english wasnt that good enough i hope you understand thank you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2014): Sorry, but you need to grow up and take responsibility. There is NEVER a perfect time to tell someone something like this. You're only not telling him because YOU are selfish and don't want to have to face it. If you leave without telling him the WHOLE TRUTH, he will think it was all his fault - don't do that to him. HIS image won't be ruined by you being a bit of a compulsive liar. If you leave and don't tell him the truth, you are being a horrible person to him and it's not fair.If you TRULY care about him, you'll tell him the truth and then leave. If you don't want to do it to his face, write him a long letter explaining it and send it just before you go back home.
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female
reader, fayechris07 +, writes (25 July 2014):
fayechris07 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks a lot for your comment, i have a question, what if ill just forget to tell the truth and just go away from him, because the fact that i dont want to ruin his image being a decent man, hes so kind and i dont that to happen, so what if ill just go away from him and maybe when just tell him when the perfect time comes, do you think its easy for him to accept things as ive said if ill stay away from him.I actually wanted to go back to my daughter and hug him tightly but things bother me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2014): I replied earlier and I agree with the last anon poster that you have to STOP LYING. This shows you have some serious mental issues that you could do all of this and lie about it. I would go back to your daughter, move out/divorce or whatever and be open about all of this. Your daughter needs you now more than ever. My friend, brought her daughter with her for a while here and then sent her back, as a baby, to be cared for by her in laws, not a great situation. Then she came back here to go to school. I think being a good mom is the most important thing now and to get your independence too financially if you can.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2014): What you need to do, OP, is realise that there are only TWO people you should focus on now: you and your daughter. Once you have a child, you can NOT just run off to another place, let alone country, and decide to live with another man or on your own. You NEED to put your child first.
Break up with him by telling the truth because it will ruin him if you lie to him any more. You need to learn that you can't just keep lying to people!
If you weren't happy with your husband, that's fine, but you HAVE to go back to be in your daughter's life. You don't have to live with your husband; you can get a divorce, but you're not a free woman any more; you have to put your daughter's needs above your own until she's an adult.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (24 July 2014):
 It actually hurts more when a person doesn't hear the truth, and suspects that you pull out some lie. It's okay to tell him the truth. Believe me, I am good at lies, I am creative and I can get away with anything. I still think telling the truth is the best.
As for going back to your husband how do you know he's not cheating too? What if everyone is just acting and playing a role in front of parents and in-laws? Would you forgive your husband if he cheated too? Or is it a "don't ask don't tell" policy? You might have to figure out plan B in case living with your husband is miserable too. You should focus on being independent so you don't have to depend on boyfriends.
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female
reader, fayechris07 +, writes (24 July 2014):
fayechris07 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you very much for your feedbacks i highly appreciate it thanks a lot, im now here in the phillipines, i just came from china my husband and my daughter were together living with his parents.So were both in the same country we havent met yet cause i didnt get back home to where they live i went directly to my mothers house then i have decided myself to live tother with my boyfriend and that my mother didnt know all about this, i did not get back home to my husband because i followed what my heart said.But soon as i realized it was too late for me to regret. Now im still with my boyfriend maybe ill just decide for a break up and just get back to my family. Can you please give me an advice or just a good alibi to get out of this mess i dont want my boyfriend to be ruined just because of me . I knew that soon as he found out my secret it would be more painfull to him. Because hes a decent man while im a woman of another man.Or just give me a tip to reason out.Because i dont really want him to know the truth please help me thank you..
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2014): Honesty is usually the best policy. Most people really don't like or tolerate being lied to about major things like this. Tell your bf and his family. Try to work out a better arrangement for you to see your daughter more and get divorced. I know someone who was in a similar situation and never divorced. They live in separate countries and she now has another child with someone else who she also separated from. I don't think her husband's family or her husband even know about the other child but her parents do. This is all for the sake of appearances but also maybe for financial reasons. I believe she did tell the father of her second child the truth about the whole situation right away though. He is also living in another country now too.
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A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (23 July 2014):
No you are not a bad person but a confused one.There is no point in living with a man in this case your husband if you do not love him.But neither it is fair to be living with your boyfriend and his familyand leading him to think that you are single.I UNDERSTAND the situation your in right now and both your husband and boyfriend will get hurt .Would you consider coming clean and telling your boyfriend the TRUTH.Its always better to be honest because you will be found out. At this stage it might be a good idea to see a counsellor and disgust your fears with her/him.But do it sooner than later because you could wind up with no one. Remember its always the Best to be honest.Kind regards NORA B.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (23 July 2014):
Are you and your husband living in different countries? How can your husband not know where you are living? Your husband knows that you don't love him. If you tell him about your boyfriend he won't be surprised. He's kept in the dark and that's only possible if you don't see your daughter at all, like he does not have to drop her off and know where you live. When you live outside of your marital home you are like giving up your parental rights and the privilege that comes from being married. Your daughter already lost her mother. So might as well go through with the divorce. You can't say you were forced to get married, since you had the free will to just leave. Your parents want you to do the right thing. Your daughter is your responsibility you have no choice but to love your daughter. Many couples fall out of love but there is no excuse to leave your child just because you don't love your husband.
Your boyfriend will know this and you can't keep this for long. He will be upset that you kept a husband and child as a secret. You might lose him. Get the divorce and be a free woman. Get half custody of your daughter if you want any man to respect you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2014): I'm sorry, but you need to ditch the husband AND the boyfriend and face up to the fact that you are depriving your DAUGHTER!She is YOURS, YOU are her MOTHER! Please, stop being selfish and only thinking of yourself. I can understand if you don't love your husband, so get a divorce, but you can't jump in with this boyfriend you've been lying to. Own up to the WHOLE truth and see what he says, but you MUST start behaving like a mother, get yourself into counselling to help you face what you need to and then step up as a parent. Unless you were forced, to which I'm truly sorry if you were, you are fully responsible for the child you have birth to and you can no longer say you prefer living on your own; you need to find a way to at least sign over parental custody rights (if your husband is a good father), and get visitation rights.You're not a bad person, but you're an adult and need to start acting like one. Your daughter needs her mother. These men don't need you and you don't need them.
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