A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok so a week ago I had a miscarriage, and well depression is on my side, actually I've been depressed ever since I found out I was prego. Im 18 years old and I just graduated high school, and I now go to uc davis, going into the dentist field. So the problem here is that I cheated on my boyfriend of 4years with my brothers best friend on my graduation party. This took place exactly 2 months ago, and well I was 2 months pregnant. So as u can see I wasn't sure of who the dad was. I feel like such a whore. And well I cheated as if that wasn't a big deal, my boyfriend was actually at the party but no one realized. I hadn't seen him since my brothers graduation which was in 2003 and I always had a crush on him but I was little. He came down to my party and I was happy to see him but things went down the hill from there. Of course my boyfriend didn't know who he was and he saw me talking to him, I didn't introduce them cause my boyfriend was drunk and he was with his friends, didn't seem important.I was conversating with (we'll call him X) X about my life after highschool and how he has a career because he went straight to college. We agreed on much and I felt a bond, he was around the family often back in the day. He was still cute to me perhaps more than I realized. He just made me smile, and I did feel a little flirt going on between us.Ok staright to the point, this house belongs to my parents but its empty because they are renting it out because they purchased a new one. So im on my way to the master bedroom where the is a 2nd bathroom due to the fact there was a line for the other bathroom, I open the door to the room and I feel X grabing my waist from behind. He followed me. I turned around and it was X, I was shocked but happy, just a bunch of mixed feelings going on. He told me he was leaving already and so I thanked him for coming by, and all of a sudden we started making out, it so happens that there is still a matress in this room my parents never took. What a coinsidence huh. I was scared at first because I've only been with one guy whom I love so much. But he had a way of just making me want it. So sweet, careful and satisfying. I can honestly say I made love. Other times I just have sex, or in other words fuck, but never had I encountered a love making session. I felt comfortable with him. And afterwards he held me and asked me if I was intrested in getting to know each other. He didn't know I had a boyfriend and that was my fault. He said he broke up with his ex like 6 months ago and hadn't had sex since then, and he wasn't looking for just sex, but for a relationship. He likes realtionships. I didn't say anything and finally went to the bathroom, he got my phone to put his numer in my phonebook and realized I had a boyfriend. He knocked on the door and said "I recorded my number on ur phone, I put it under X since BABE was already taken" making me feel more guilty than I already felt. That same morning I had just had sex with my boyfriend. We always wear a condom and I am on the pill. X also wore a condom so im just screwed.X came by the house the next day, we had several encounters but no more sex. A month later I told him I was prego and he was ok with it and willing to be responsible, my boyfriend was actually very excited. I had a strong feeling the baby belonged to X because I've had unsafe sex with my boyfriend plenty of times, and there had been accidents also and we never had any problems. Every day I felt more and more guilty cause my boyfriend was excited and he made me feel like everything was going to be ok. He's the best. I took X to one of the ultrasounds because he also wanted to be there for me. Both these guys are great.Just last week I had a misscarriage, the doc says it was due to the birthcontrol and that it happens often. I was in pain, and I believe in karma. So everyone found out I was pregnant and my mom was there for me. When my boyfriend found out he was heartbroken, he really wanted a baby and he made me want to be a mommy. And when X found out he felt guilty and sorry for some reason. I want to tell my boyfriend the thruth but I just don't know how. And im so scared that he won't give me a chance because there really isn't a good explanation to this. I actually gave him a 2nd chance cause he cheated on me with his roommate once a year ago, he no longer lives with her. But I forgave, just hoping he can forgive me to. And as for X, he still wants to be around, but he agreed on just leaving it behind. I truely love my boyfriend. I don't want to lose him. I see a future with him, we both go to the same university and we enjoy each other so much.I really need some advice. Sorry for the long story. I feel the more detail the better u can help me.
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best friend, broke up, cheated on me, cheated on my boyfriend, condom, crush, depressed, drunk, flirt, heartbroken, his ex, roommate, the pill, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Flowerkitty66 +, writes (15 January 2011):
Maybe u should just b single for a while. I know it's hard and lonely but then u might get some clarity about what u want from a man. U said itself that the sex with x was lovemaking and b4 was just fucking. I think x may be worth another look, it takes a real man to show up to support u when u told bf.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo I've told the truth, and honestly I feel like I got this huge burden off my back. I didn't know what to expect at first, so I called X so he could help me out on this. I called my bf and he was confused as why X was there. And I let it out, there's no nice way to say it, simply "I cheated on you". It was quiet for about 2 mins. Or so.
I let him ask the questions and I would surely answer. His 1st question, do u still love me? was the question I asked him when he cheated on me. And well "of course" was my answer.
Then he asked why I cheated, and I said that I didn't know, and that I had no real reasons.
Then he asked when, and well X answered that one as I began to cry, he told him the day, and my bf just looked at me, as I looked back at him. X apologized and said that if he would have known I had a bf, he probably would have still done it. that he was here because he cares and because he doesn't regret what happened between us. But that he understood I love my bf, so he wanted to let my bf know that he was going to back off and respect us only if my bf forgave me, but if not, then he was going to try his best at making things work with me.
I told my bf that I didnt know who the baby would have belonged to and that's when he lost it completely. He left. I asked X to leave and that I honestly didn't want anything to do with him, and he left as well.
I haven't seen my bf, but he did send me a messege today asking me if I cheated just to get back at him. Well I can't blame him for thinking that way. I replied that that my intentions were never to hurt him, I did it because im human, and I make mistakes. I also let him know that I felt nothing for X, that I am truely very sorry, and all I could hope for is forgivness. With I love u at the end. Haven't gotten back a response. But im sure he will come around, maybe not to forgive me, but to tell me what how he feels.
I don't feel any less guilty, but I feel true to myself now. I've messed things up, and im hoping there's a fix somehow.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank u so much for ur answers. It was just lust, and I feel incredibly childish about it. I was actually thinking about never bringing it up to him but This secret is eating me alive,
and X is leaving in a week back to colorado, if I decide to tell my boyfriend, I rather do it now before X leaves. X has been real supportive about this and he thinks I should tell my boyfriend, but he supports me 100% if I don't tell.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (11 August 2008):
 If the situation were reversed would you want to know? Once you have that answer, you will know what to do.
Also consider that as long as this exists as a secret, it will be a secret that will have the power to blackmail you and destroy everything you try to build as a future with him.
My bet is that the other guy told somebody...it is only a matter of time before your bf eventually finds out anyways.
-Frank B Kermit
http://www.frankadviceforwomen.com
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (11 August 2008):
 Oops... got yourself into a bit of an awkward spot there! Okay.. I suggest first of all, get some contraceptives so that you dont fall pregnant again and secondly, if you really and truely want to spend the future with your boyfriend, forget what happened that night. It was a case of pure lust. Personally, I wouldnt advise telling your bf because this will destroy his trust in you... I have noticed that women and quicker to forgive their man if he has cheated, no so for men... they dont seem to be able to forgive as easily....
Honeygirl
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