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age
30-35,
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writes: Hi everyone,I have been with my current boyfriend for about 7 months now. About a month ago, I was using his iPad to purchase Christmas presents and I found a site bookmarked called "Forgetdinner". I was curious so I entered the site and it turns out it is a casual sex site. I also found his profile and it described how he loved casual sex. It even had pictures of him in his underwear. Naturally I confronted him about this and he said it was something from his past and that it was a flash in the pan and he isn't like that. After a while I chose to believe him and ignore it. I asked him if he would politely remove any past dating sites because I didnt want to see them.A few days later I found a similar site - a second site that he was on. I was devastated. This was as graphic as the last. At this point I was very angry because I felt like he had disrespected me, having let this run into our relationship. It even said he logged in a couple of weeks ago. He denied this and said he didn't know why it said that. Again, I got over it.Then we had a conversation about dating sites - I told him I had been on a particular one in the past and he told me he'd never tried it. Turns out he was lying again as I found an email from this site on his email account (he logged in on my phone). Again, this was him offering his sexual services casually. I confronted him and he said he didn't want to raise it because it was in the past and he didn't want to ruin anything we had. I'm very much against casual sex and I thought he was too - this attracted me too him. I asked whether anything had ever come of these sites - he denied it but then later told me that he met someone off the site and slept with them over a period of two months.I dont know what to believe. We're together 6/7 days a week so I know he's not cheating on me but I don't know what to think about his past and I'm not sure why he covered this up. Please help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2014): I am glad you dug into this. I am a digger too. The evidence is there, right in front of your nose. He is lying and making up lame excuses and he may cheat, if he isn't cheating all ready.
He wants casual sex, you don't. Move on from this con artist and find yourself a real man.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (16 January 2014):
 you know.
he's LYING
he's presenting himself as something he is not.
Will you EVER believe him?
Will you EVER trust him?
I'd stop sleeping with him at bare minimum if you are not ready to face the truth.
He lies just like my ex husband did.... this guy is NOT as into you as you think...
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (16 January 2014):
You haven't been with him that long - don't wait until it's too late to do what you know you should do: break up with him.
For the sake of argument, I'll accept that he may not be physically cheating on you right now. But he's logging onto a casual sex site. How long until he gets an offer he can't refuse?
Not to mention, he's obviously into the epitome of casual sex, doing it with someone you don't know who you met online. Can you ever accept that FACT?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (15 January 2014):
 Oh stop making excuses for him.
You already KNOW he is on those dating sites and possible more then the few you found. And because you are together 6/7 days doesn't mean he doesn't engage in EMOTIONAL cheating or actual physical cheating. Just because you haven't FOUND any evidence of that, doesn't mean he isn't doing it.
Why do you THINK he is on those sites? Because he is LOOKING for the next greener grass or casual sex partner.
You don't want to end the relationship. So don't but then you are going to have to SUCK IT UP that he is on all these sites. NONE of his "excuses" are valid.
Sorry, I would walk away and let him do this dating/sex sites by himself. Trust me he will find a replacement in a jiffy.
Why would would WANT to be with a guy who does this and then tries to lie about (and lie badly) is beyond me. You already know you can't trust him, and you already know he doesn't RESPECT you. (because if he did he wouldn't BE on those sites).
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2014): He's lying. You know it.
My ex also belonged to dating sites before I met him; that he never shut down. I found out through a very talkative acquaintance of his, who was on the same sites. He spilled the beans; but I didn't let on. I figured what we had was secure enough. I was advised by another trusted friend to pursue this relationship; after being single for seven years.
There are people who don't trust themselves; and really don't have faith in commitment. They keep a secret life, and would give you up; before they give up that extra backup system. They don't want to get hurt. They don't care who THEY hurt. Better your heart, then theirs. They think they've figured out how to avoid heartbreak or disappointment.
They don't really believe in commitment for themselves; but will enter into relationships on the possibility things might work out. At least as long as they're willing to participate, and things stay in the honeymoon stage.
When things get rough, they fall back on their options. Which are always kept open and available. So, if you fight and ignore them; or,if they just feel like something different, they retreat to their online option.
Should it not work out, or should they bore with you,they always have a Plan B. When you argue, you'll notice they seem unaffected. They shrug off your concerns,and maintain an unexplained arrogance. They seem unusually calm.
They have no intention to be emotionally at anyone's mercy; and have most likely assigned you an expiration date.
Maybe over a season, six-months, or until they meet someone interesting online.
I got dumped after 10 months. However; he found my replacement within two months after we broke up.
That's how some people find someone else so quickly. I'm a resilient person, and not one to be weighed down by such things. I use my wisdom and experience to help others; and to enrich the lives of people generous enough to make me a part of theirs. I harbor no bitterness.I learned something.
You may not see it now; but you've ducked a bullet. You know what's going on now. So you can make an informed decision.
These dating/hookup sites don't always offer them what they are looking for. They still crave the feeling of being loved and desired for who they are. So they carry on both a relationship,and maintain a online presence simultaneously.
Once it is discovered that they are, it's a risk you take if you stay. If they lie about it.You must leave, for your own good.
It's a win-win proposition all the way around for them. Whether you leave or stay. Get it?
Now that you know that you can't trust him. It's your call.
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (15 January 2014):
"I don't know what to believe".
Well, I can tell you what NOT to believe- him. Pretty much anything he says, at this point.
He's manipulating you and lying to you in order to be with you. This is common-people with no integrity will pretend to have the same morals/values as someone they're interested in, in order to get sex or whatever else it is they want out of the relationship.
You will not be able to trust him- ever. His values do NOT match yours, despite what he tells you. One instance of finding one of these sites? I might let that slide, too. But you've cited numerous ones, and those are only the ones you know about!
Run, don't walk, away now, before he really hurts you-and he will.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (15 January 2014):
 If he isn't already cheating, he's planning on it. He is lying to you over and over to cover his butt, so you can be almost completely sure he is also lying about this being in the past. You know he is because there are current emails and it occupies a spot on his bookmark bar. It's time to walk away.
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