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I did the most stupid thing I've ever done. How to repair the damage? How can I make it up to him?

Tagged as: Dating, Online dating, Social Media, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 December 2016) 8 Answers - (Newest, 4 January 2017)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Im an idiot for what i did .

Theres 2 guys , one texts a lot and makes a lot of effort through texts the other could make me wait a few days for a reply . the one who texts me a lot i see a future with but he drags his feet wanting to spend time with me ( he admitted he likes me so much but i think hes scared / nervous around certain women )

well i did the most stupid thing i've ever done and i wish i hadn't and i know i cant take it back .

I told him there was another guy interested in me .Part of me did this to give him a shove to step up and grab a chance.

After a week of knowing about this other guy he just went mad saying he doesn't want to know about the other guy . ( i didn't tell him anything about him , so just knowing about him got him mad )

I understand why he got mad , no-one wants to feel like its a competition which it wasn't.

After calming down he said he still wants to see me . Is it possible ( apart from the obvious ) he got mad because he was jealous because there was someone else

I've never known him be like this before and when we would chat about dates we had been on he seemed to show more interest in me when i had dates and they failed.

I haven't spoken or seen the other guy for over 2 weeks that's how communication is with him - awful. How can i make it up to this guy ?

View related questions: jealous, text

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (4 January 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntFor someone in your age bracket this sounds like a story coming from someone much younger. I am guessing these guys are in the same age range?

You are not dating this guy therefore you have no need to feel bad, you have done nothing wrong. To me he is still showing little interest in you. He maybe enjoys the texting but am not sure if he is actually ever going to ask you out.

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A female reader, Nittynora United Kingdom +, writes (30 December 2016):

Nittynora agony auntI think you are being far too hard on yourself. You have only done what lots of people do and that is to try to make someone jealous ( its called the chase). You have not lied really, you do have two blokes interested, some people just need a kick up the bum.

I don't think there is anything to confess. You wont be the first to make someone jealous and you wont be the last. It does them good sometimes. We can all be sanctimonious but come on most of us have done it. If this chap said he wants to see you well then make yourself available, don't mention the other chap and then play it down. (Anyway It may do him good to know there is another one hovering in the background). I agree with you "cannotbeserious" he needs to get his ass in gear or naff off.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (29 December 2016):

You're running game between two guys like a player. You're going to get burnt, if you don't watch your step.

Dump the guy stringing you along. Apologize to the one you upset, but let his temper be a red-flag. You can judge a man's character on how he controls his temper.

It's okay to be jealous, as long as it's under control. He was justifiably insulted that you'd tell him to his face you're seeing someone else at the same time. Using manipulation reflects badly on you. Trust is important, and a necessary building-block to start a relationship.

When a guy drags his feet; you casually ignore him. If he doesn't contact you, or takes his time responding. Just go about your life like he doesn't exist. Never forget, you're the prize.

You don't have to play games. Either he's interested or he's not. If you decided to be the pursuer, and you find yourself chasing a rabbit. He's just not that into you.

Shyness is bullsh*t! He's a grown-man. Boys are scared.

Adulthood requires that we learn how to solve problems, make decisions, set goals, and execute them. You deal with the consequences and own your mistakes.

Playing two fellas against each other is egotistical and greedy; and will only leave you with an empty plate at the end of the game.

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A female reader, JenMck91 United Kingdom +, writes (29 December 2016):

If the first guy was that interested, him having the knowledge that someone else is interested should really make him try that bit harder to see you. It can't bother him that much when he doesn't see you...

I understand what you mean when you say he could be nervous, but at the same time you need to understand where you stand with him. At the moment it sounds like he just doesn't have the confidence.

It comes down to whether you like him enough to wait for him or whether your open to try with someone else?

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (29 December 2016):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntNot sure why this guy has any right to get mad. He has no claim on you. He has not even taken you out!

He needs to either put his money where his mouth is and start dating you, or shove off and leave the way clear for someone who is not going to just be all talk (or text).

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (29 December 2016):

N91 agony auntIt was silly of you yes, but still doesnt sound like the first guy is doing anything to increase his efforts to meet you, so he is messing you around himself to be fair.

You either need to start meeting or youre both wasting your time.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2016):

Im the op . what do you mean fess up ?. there really is 2 guys i didnt make up a 2nd guy

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A male reader, Denizen United Kingdom +, writes (29 December 2016):

Denizen agony auntJust 'fess up. 'Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive'.

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