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age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: Hi everyone, There is this guy I've been talking to and we have just been texting back and forth but we have never actually met. He has been coming on strong telling me that he is in love with me and that he wants me in his life. He wants to meet me but I told him that things are going way too fast. After a few conversations he tells me he has 2 sons and they are young. In the beginning I thought he was asking me for help with something called money pak and he told me he wasn't asking me for money. I got a little nervous because he messaged me saying, "You are everything to me and I will take care of you till dead apart us honey." He had also told me that he needs someone to take care of his kids while he is on a business trip. He will text me at any hour and keeps tabs on me asking what I am doing and where I am. He said that I am different from all the women he has met online because they have asked him for money. He wanted to know if I loved him too and I just told him that we need to get to know each other. He said, "I swear to God that I will never hurt you like other guys and I hope that you won't cheat on me." I don't want to hurt this guy and I do care about him but not the way he wants me to. And I am not ready to be a stepmother to his kids. Please help. What should I do? Am I worrying for nothing?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo Very Confused thank you. Yeah I am not really sure how to do that so I might need a little help.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (27 November 2013):
 it will depend on what email client you use... but if you mark all his previous mail as spam in some emails it can be set to auto delete without you even seeing it.
if you need further help in figuring out how to block in email feel free to ask me.
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female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (27 November 2013):
 I dont understand why you are still so worried that he has 'given up on you' and 'not contacted you'???
You are a normal healthy adult woman, you shouldn't be worrying about him 'giving up on you', you should be glad, joyous, relieved that he has give up...cos he's a controlling asshole and a complete nightmare.
If you were being mauled to death by lion...would you worry if the lion suddely stopped and walked away???....NO...You'd be glad that your life had been spared from such an awful fate. You wouldn't fret that the lion was no longer interested in you or paying you attention!!
Be extremely happy that you shook this idiot off, you seriously do not need that kind of attention in your life.
Set your standards a little higher, respect yourself and your baoundaries and the rest will follow.
Do not let people treat you like shit and then thank them for the abuse.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you very much and I have received emails from him and I haven't figured out how to block him on there. The cell phone isn't a problem. He has played his games with me giving up on me and then not contacting me as a way of controlling me. So it's over now.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2013): I was the anon aunty who suggested you send him a text saying that you can't give him what he wants before deleting his number.This is most definitely optional!!!!! I , personally, wouldn't bother because this guy is obviously a weirdo and I don't think you owe him anything but I suggested it as I had the feeling that you would feel bad about yourself if you didn't.As I said - this must be a TEXT - not a phone call where he can argue you or try to "discuss" it with you or try to charm you further or make you feel guilty.DON'T wait for his reply before deleting and blocking his number. You don't want or need to hear what he has to say.I have a feeling this guy may be particularly persistant though so be cautious about taking any calls from private or withheld numbers or numbers that you don't recognise as he might try calling you from different phones. (I personally wouldn't answer any calls from unknown persons if this had happened to me)Be prepared to change numbers and report harrassment to the police if he persistantly tries to contact you.And you really shouldn't feel guilty. I'm sure you didn't lead him on - he's just a nutcase.All the best and thanks for giving feedback. It is noce to know that some people do take the advice that the aunties here give.All the best xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks WiseOwlE, So Very Confused, and Aunty Em. To WiseOwlE I was advised by the anonymous person to apologize to him and
I am that type of person who does that sort of thing. And maybe I am a bit lonely. Maybe I felt like I lead this guy on in some way and I should have never let it get this far. The first time he got upset with me when I didn't text him back right away was when I should have left it alone, but he started contacting me again and apologized. Well, thanks for all the advice I can move forward now.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (25 November 2013):
you do NOT owe him any explanations and when you try to tell him you are done with him he will continue to try to draw you in...
so many BAD RED FLAGS...
don't even bother to tell him you are done, he's very used to women walking away from him trust me, he's a scammer at best and a danger at worst...
run away and do not look back.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2013): Why would you call someone you're blocking from your phone to apologize?
I think you're more into this guy then you want to admit. You owe him no explanation or apology. Just end it.
He has a picture of his sister in a bathing suit on his profile? He could have possibly hacked into her account???
This guy is totally creepy!
I think you had enough evidence from the start that you should not have continued communicating with this man. He will try to convince you not to end communication, and I sense you're weakening to his sweet-talk. You're lonely and possibly about to do something risky. Not one aunt has suggested that you continue contact. NOT ONE!!!
Block him. That's all you need to do.
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female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (25 November 2013):
He had a photo of his siter in a bathing suit on his dating profile???? JEEEESSSUUUSSS MARY AND JOSEPH!!!!
Oh my I'd like to have a conversation with that guy and put him straight on a few things.
Is there anything about this guy that relates to normal in any way shape or form???...I seriously doubt it.
Lady you have had a seriously lucky escape there. Take note of everything he has done and use it as a blueprint of how NOT to be treated by men.
It's easy to laugh about his sort of thing but all too often it leads to abuse and controlled and destroyed lives.
He's already tried to control you and blindside you and he doesn't even know you...that is seriously worrying.
I am glad we all talked you out of it.
xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for your answers. I wanted to answer some questions, shna I don't know if he is divorced or a widower. The site I was on had a picture of a girl in a bathing suit and I thought it was weird when she sent me a message. He was the one who sent a message with his name telling me that was his sister and he liked my profile. So he must have tapped into her profile. We have been talking for about 3 or 4 weeks. We have not met in person and he wants to but I haven't given him my address or home number.I don't know his last name or where he lives. He has my cell number and my email (the one I use only for dating sites) I can probably get a block on my cell with his number. I wanted to mention too that he got a little upset with me for not getting back to him right away when he texted me. Wondering why I was treating him that way. I told him basically I have a life and other people in my life. And I have to take care of myself, but I always return messages. You guys are right there are too many red flags and I will get his number blocked. And cut contact but I will apologize to him telling him I can't give him what he wants.AuntyEm thank you for waking me up to this situation and I guess I am a little too trusting in a way and I have to work on those issues. I have always been a people pleaser and not wanting to hurt someone but I should be looking out for number one, me. My safety is important. If he was a guy I met through friends and they knew he was a good guy I would feel better. But I see your point and thanks.
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (24 November 2013):
 Finds someone else to communicate with. This character has 'way too many "red flags" in your's (and his) exchanges.....
Good luck..
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (24 November 2013):
 LISTEN to your gut.
I agree this is not some whirlwind romance.. YOU don't even know the guy (and He doesn't know you) and he wants you to take care of his kids?
Just no, no, no, no.
Stop contact - I have no doubt this is a scam, I have seen it before once on DC once on a different forum.
Once he gets your personal information you are screwed.
You already know there is something REALLY off with this guy/relationship, so don't be one of those women who are so desperate for a companion that they disregard common sense.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2013): You are a mature and intelligent lady. How weird does this have to be, before you sense that this guy isn't playing with a full deck?He's looking for a free baby-sitter and bed-warmer. All that talk is so creepy, it should give you goose-bumps. It's cheesy smooth-talk that only the least-intelligent women would fall for. You're not one of them, or you wouldn't have reached out to see if your vibe is right. Yes, girlfriend!If it feels strange, you're right.Your best option, is to end all contact before you start believing those lines of bullsh*t! He's starting to get to you, and you're letting his persistence wear down your better judgement. Decent and intelligent men; do not talk to women they've never met, like he's talking to you! He's feeling you out for gullibility. That's how predators work.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2013): I totally agree with Aunty Em and I don't think I can put it any better than she did - so I'll just reinforce a few points.This guy is exhibiting controlling behaviour before he's even met you..... wanting to know where you are and what you're doing all the time. Telling you how strong his feelings are and how you are "different" to other women he's met are comments designed to make you feel special and more susceptable to his charms. But they reek of a guy with a controlling nature - especially since you told him things were moving to fast for you and he didn't tone it down.... this isn't about YOUR feelings but his.Talk of "not cheating" before you two have even met and established a proper relationship indicates that he EXPECTS women to cheat... the thought that a woman might cheat is such a great issue for him that he thinks about it all the time and his relationship behaviour will probably reflect that. He's the kind of guy who would try and prevent his g/f ever going out, wearing sexy clothes, contacting her friends etc because it might lead to cheating.Do NOT meet this guy. He's a nightmare just waiting to come true.Block his number and email and never contact him again. (I hope you haven't given your address out.) I don't think you owe this guy anything if it's only been a few weeks but, if you must, send him a short text first explaining that you cannot possibly give him what he needs in a relationship and apologise. Then delete his number straight afterwards. Don't wait for his reply, even out of curiosity - it will either be abusive or designed to groom you into continuing with the relationship.PLEASE PLEASE don't meet this guy. I'm as worried as Aunty Em. x
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female
reader, shna  +, writes (24 November 2013):
 Jesus christ (sorry) but this guy is CRAZY !! Has he gone through some form of break up recently?How long have you both been talking?How do you feel About the relationship .. I know its obvious that he is coming on way to strong but is this something you would persue if he wasnt being so in your face or are you looking to get out of this relationship now?Have you guys meet in person ?Theres no way he should be expecting you to take on the role as step mother when you too havent even bonded physically ? I would never leave children in the hands of my new partner because you dont know how intimidating it is going to be for them along with the fact that you might not have spent any time with them !! God this guy is coming on strong ... But mabye there is a game behind it all .. The references to money and women cheating and taking it off him .. And all this i love you crap could all be a game in order for you to fall for him .. We all know theres gold diggers out there ! Mabye its his way of getting u interested so he knows you are certified / guarenteed to have sex with him !!Mabye im completly in the wrong but im just looking at it from every option ! X
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (24 November 2013):
 Yeah, this is really not good. He's a scammer for starters, and possibly a danger, like AuntyEm said.
This MoneyPak thing makes it seem like one of those Nigerian scams, which is what makes me think that this guy is a con artist. Take a look at this article here:
http://www.casperjournal.com/news/article_134b1c9f-a9bd-5c2d-8458-f44fcf017e42.html
Be really careful about questions this guy asks you. Change your passwords now on all of your sensitive accounts, and like I said, it's easy to guess security questions based on what's asked of you.
Also, study on him. Do you know his first and last name? His address? I'd be willing to guess that he's not who he says he is, and that he made up an ID to get to you, pouring the love thing on quick, making up young boys to tug at your heartstrings to get your financial help. What sane father would introduce their young kids to a stranger?
Tell everyone you know about this guy. Seriously, do not hesitate out of embarrassment, because guys like this operate in secrecy. You need to protect yourself now. Save all correspondence from him including email headers. Do a background check on him including criminal. Have people with you when you tell him it's over.
He's also using a tactic called "opening the kimono". This means that to extricate personal information from you, he'll either actually share his own private info first, or he'll pretend to. This is the online equivalent of "I'll show you mine, now you show me yours". Don't feel obligated.
If you, during your background check, discover glaring falsehoods (in this age of social media, you should be able to spot a fraud FAST), get the police involved, because then you know you're being scammed. But make no mistake, you need to be done with this guy.
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (24 November 2013):
 Many scams are done through money pak, just like western union. This guy is charming women online to achieve his aim, whatever that is. Who cares about love? He only wants your name, number and address. He could be socially awkward, abusive or desperate but a guy who talks about money without having met you is a scammer.
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female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (24 November 2013):
HUGE RED FLAGS.....HUUUUGGGEEEEEE!!!!
Should you be worried???....abso-bloody-lutely!!!
This guy is keeping tabs on you and making dumb statements and you didn't even meet him yet????
His words and actions are controlling. Telling you he hopes you never cheat on him???...CONTROLLING
Telling you that you are different because you didn't ask for money like 'all the other women...CONTROLLING
Wanting to know your every move...CONTROLLING
Making wild outrageous promises and saying you will be together until death!!!!! (this worried me the most)...CONTROLLING!!!
Saying he needs someone to take care of his kids???...Objectifying and CONTROLLING (let him pay a sitter!!)
For the love of sweet Jesus, do not meet this guy cos he sounds like a complete nightmare.
Why do you care so much about him when you didnt even meet?...Because he pays you attention???...COME ON!!!
This sort of thing seriously worries me and I have worked with domestic abuse women for over 12 years...there are distinct patterns of behaviour that should not be ignored. He is trying to manipulate you to where he wants you and he probably does it before he meets women because he can scope out the vulnerable ones.
If I am worried...you should be freaking terrified.
Do not tell him where you live, lose his number and block any e-mail.
Find someone who DOES NOT behave like this, because most men don't.
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