A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone, Let's say my name is WD. I'm in high school at a small, preppy academy, and I'm gay, but I didn't fully come to this realization until the day before Halloween of last year. A guy, let's call him FC, came out to me; we had been flirting a lot (we both flirt with everyone all the time, though). My life was changed; I think completely differently now. That relationship was the best thing that ever happened to me. He broke up with me, however, because I was a terrible boyfriend. I have come to realize this, but, at the time, I had no idea; he just said, "I just don't like you like that anymore. ... But that doesn't mean we can't be friends." I came out to two friends (girls); I was in crisis. After a bit (about a month), I tried texting FC, but he just said he wasn't ready to be friends yet. I think about him constantly, and, to make matters worse, he has told multiple people (his brother, and his two closest friends (girls)). Everyone that knows about me goes to our extremely small preppy, private school. I feel uncomfortable with that; I still haven't come out to the community, and I don't really plan on it any time soon. And to make matters even worse, the guy who I've had a crush on since during my relationship with FC (bad boyfriend, eh?) -let's call him SM- noticed that I was extremely sad all the time, and that my excellent grades were slipping. He confronted me many, many times. Called me every night for three weeks straight. And, if he hadn't been my crush, and attractive, and very, very popular with *everyone* (I only ever found two people that disliked him, and they were both just jealous of him), and (according to FC) possibly gay, I would have turned him down and never told him anything. But he was all that, so I was so tempted to tell him, and I did after two and a half weeks. I regret that with all my heart. He isn't gay, he said everything would be normal, but it isn't; he hasn't talked to me since then. And I really dislike the idea of someone who has a connection to neither FC nor me knowing about who I really am.My question is this:What should I do? About FC? About SM? I don't know! Please, help me. Thank you.
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female
reader, Aunty Honest  +, writes (24 February 2011):
 Dear WD,
It does sound like a rather confusing situation! I would first of all suggest that you leave FC space to think and give yourself some as well. If you were so happy with him, would you have been looking at other guys? Maybe you would, everyones different. But perhaps it was a case of right people wrong time? Maybe you liked him but wasn't ready for a relationship? Or maybe you just wanted to be young and free-which is never a bad thing! You call yourself a bad boyfriend, but there was a reason you behaved badly and I imagine it stems from some dissatisfaction from the relationship.
As for SM unfortunately there is little you can do. However from what you tell me he's not going to make your life harder and will resect your privacy on the issue. I understand it's hard to share your sexuality at so young an age in a small school, but try and put your trust in him, as it's too late to change whats happened.
Don't let your grades slip because of all this either. I know this stuff is hard but it's not worth risking your education for. Do well at school and before you know it you'll be at college wondering why you were so fussed about either of them!
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