A
female
age
30-35,
*annah22
writes:My boyfriend and I split up 7 months ago, but we remained close and still had a physical relationship. (not the wisest decision I know). However recently, he told me that he has slept with 10 different girls during the 7 months, one of which was a school friend of mine. He says he regrets it, but I can't stop imagining them. We decided that we were going to take things slow, but we wanted to be together again. I love him, but how can I possibly forgive him for this?
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (2 September 2012):
 *10 other women
A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (2 September 2012):
I must add one thing: if he still had feelings for you he wouldn't have slept with other girls. He isn't that into you. If he had genuine feelings for you he wouldn't even think of other women, let alone sleep with 7 of them at the same time as he had you.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (2 September 2012):
.. Nothing to forgive, you were broken up. But that isn't to say you need to be fine with it. Once he's slept with someone else, even kissed I will imagine, the close connection you and him had, the intimacy between you, was broken. Gone. No more.
If you want to be his girlfriend again you have to treat him like any other guy you've just met, as a man who had several other sexual experiences at the same time as he was having a sexual relationship with you. Not so charming. And if it had been any other man I am sure you wouldn't have accepted being treated as just one of the many who he had at the same time. It is quite honestly tacky. I hope he (and you) was smart enough to use protection!
That being said. If you want to be in a relationship with him you need to start fresh. No sex. No jumping back into old routines. Take a time out and go on dates, get to know each other again and set new rules for how this NEW relationship will be. It can not be a continuation of what you had before. Especially not now when he's had so many women in between.
I suggest you think real long and hard if this man can give you what you need in a relationship, or if you just want him because you miss him and have glorified your past relationship. You broke up for a reason, and he hasn't exactly shown you that he has been dedicated or loyal to you since the breakup. Is he the right one?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2012): So basically you became friends with benefits. How could you expect him NOT to take the opportunity to have you, and a load of other women besides you?
Really you both should have been straight with one another about the split, and either decided to go your separate ways for good, or leave the door open ajar to try and settle whatever issues you had that led to the breakup, with the condition of NO immediate sexual contact with other people during that time.
Miscommunication was to blame here I think.
As for that particular friend, well it takes two to tango, and she was obviously as willing as him to go ahead. So she is just as much responsible as he is for that happening.
If you haven't done so already, I'd get to a clinic and get checked out for any nasty infections and what not, as you don't know whether the women he's messed about with make a habit of easily handing their bodies over to guys.
As for getting back together, I'm hardly surprised you can't forgive him. Ten other females including a friend, WHILST being intimate with you, is a lot to take on board, and especially since you still love him.
I personally couldn't forgive that.
But if that's you're decision to want to and give things another go, then I could only suggest relationship counseling, that maybe your only hope of forgiving him and moving on from this...
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (2 September 2012):
 what is there to forgive him for?
you broke up and yet you still gave him your body
he had no ties to you emotionally during the break up that he owed you... he did not thing wrong.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (2 September 2012):
 You ask: "...how can I possibly forgive him for this?"
Well... you can't. He's revealed himself as quite a man-whore... and YOU - continuing to indulge him - are, approximately, enabling him in that/those pursuits....
WHAT were you thinking???? And....
... this submittal reveals that you are actually considering to take up where you left off (but, didn't REALLY "leave off", at all!!!) despite your knowing just what kind of a creep he is...
Where were the girls like you when I was your age????
P.S. It wouldn't hurt to have yourself checked for STDs!
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (2 September 2012):
 Sounds to me like he was trying to forget you, by sleeping with as many girls as possible.
Maybe it was also an ego thing, the "I still got it" sex. That kind of sex is all abut them, not the person they sleep with. The fact that he regrets sleeping with them doesn't really excuse it. BUT...... He was single at the time and so were you. Maybe he thought you two wouldn't get back together.
I think only time will tell if you can get over it. ( I don't think this is up to you to forgive, because he really didn't do anything wrong towards you) Yes, he slept with you at the same time as he slept with other girls, but you two were in a "Exes with benefits" situation.
Now sleeping with a good friend, that is kind of shady (both of him and her) - now that is what would upset me.
Don't have sex with him for a while, just date and see how you feel.
Also, I would suggest he might go get himself STD tested.. 10 girls in 7 months... kind of increases the chance to catch something.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (2 September 2012):
Sounds to me like he was trying to forget you, by sleeping with as many girls as possible.
Maybe it was also an ego thing, the "I still got it" sex. That kind of sex is all abut them, not the person they sleep with. The fact that he regrets sleeping with them doesn't really excuse it. BUT...... He was single at the time and so were you. Maybe he thought you two wouldn't get back together.
I think only time will tell if you can get over it. ( I don't think this is up to you to forgive, because he really didn't do anything wrong towards you) Yes, he slept with you at the same time as he slept with other girls, but you two were in a "Exes with benefits" situation.
Now sleeping with a good friend, that is kind of shady (both of him and her) - now that is what would upset me.
Don't have sex with him for a while, just date and see how you feel.
Also, I would suggest he might go get himself STD tested.. 10 girls in 70 months... kind of increases the chance to catch something.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (2 September 2012):
 It's almost like one girl a month. A break up is a time to evaluate the pros and cons of continuing the relationship. He obviously wasn't giving thoughts to you and how to improve your relationship. He is playing the field and had decided that you will take him back and give him more satisfaction than just pure lust. He hasn't found a better suitor so he is like saying to you, "I don't know what I am doing, but you will do for now." He only says he regrets it so you won't reject him so easily. I don't think you need to forgive this. Taking things slow, in this case only means you are postponing the reality, that you are not right for each other.
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A
male
reader, Dr.LanceMerryweather +, writes (2 September 2012):
 What's to forgive? You split up by mutual consent so don't start imposing sanctions after the event!
Live with it, or leave. But LEARN from it!
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