A
female
age
41-50,
*at308
writes:I have a Ex-boyfriend who I still have feelings for AND miss. When I first started him he was very generous AND kind as he still is. I was scared to get too close to him because we were very different with out race, religion, AND race. From past relationships it always seem to turn into an issue down the row, I was super stressed with nursing school, and my previous boyfriend I use to do so much (he ended up being emotionally abusive AND cheated on me=very painful) for but in this relationship I never bought him a gift or went out of my way. My energy was not at all in the relationship. Everything backfired in my face. I of course got attached AND things are awful. After three months of courting we finally slept together. Shortly afterwards we broke up. He asked me, “Tell me one nice thing you have done for me”. It was horrible because I could not come up with one thing. He replied, “The only nice thing you did was make me pancakes AND I had to ask you for that”. It was an awful feeling. I went to one extreme doing cute little things for my ex AND for the recent guy I did nothing. I explained to him why I did what I did AND apologized. I requested that he let me try again. He refused. The twist was he told me I was not a good girlfriend without saying it AND he wanted to sleep with other women. He said he already tried in the relationship, once had feelings but no longer did AND had already moved on emotionally. I asked if he was sleeping with someone or had a potential he said he did not. He told me a person always misses something when it is gone AND don’t let my ego get in the way. He remains friends with many of his ex’s AND many want to get back with him after the breakup but he never goes back.We talked less for a few weeks then stated talking again often. When I came into town we continued to pay for me AND we would hangout. We tried being friends however we started sleeping together again. I requested we try again. He said “no”, I was only his friend AND he wanted to sleep with other women. This hurt my feelings so badly. I could not concentrate on school AND every night I was crying myself to sleep. It was hard for me to comprehend. If I need him he will come, if I need someone to talk to he talks to me AND we get along well. So blocked him out of my life because I could not handle how I felt AND I missed him. This continued until I bumped into him again AND we started talking again. He was hurt by what I did. I explained why I did what I did. Being friends was harmful to my mental health AND I had told him this previously to me blocking him. So the pattern continued we were distant, got “close”, slept together. We had the talk he still feels how he feels AND I still feel how I feel. It was decided we are no longer “allowed” to spend time at each others places because it is too much temptation. This whole situation is really sad. This is super corny when I see him my heart is happy AND when he talks to other women I feel super jealous. I know I have no place to feel this way since I am no longer his girlfriend but that is how I feel. When he does get a girlfriend which it sounds like he is getting close to it, it will be crushing. Common sense tells me to leave him alone but I feel drawn to him.
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broke up, cheated on me, crush, emotionally abusive, get a girlfriend, his ex, jealous, my ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Atsweet1 +, writes (25 August 2012):
 Seriously we like tapping it when it's given but he make only want sex friend also friends with benefits. This includes him sleeping with you having emotions played over! yes honey let it go if you don't want to get hurt. If you can handle only sex relief friendship cause your in school do it. If it has to be more best to find some other guy cause he wants to be playboy.
A
female
reader, cat308 +, writes (24 August 2012):
cat308 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you for your post.
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (24 August 2012):
 You know you cant be friends with him because of how much it hurts you, you still have feelings for him and want to be more than friends. Until your feelings completely go away, and never come back, then you cant be friends. Simple as that.
Cut him out of your life once and for all. Friends with an ex only works when the break up was mutual and neither of you have ANY feelings for the other anymore. THis is not the case with you, this is really messy and he is now using you for sex, as well as sleeping with other women.
Delete his number, delete all ways of contacting him and if you see him in the street cross to the other side to avoid him. And get a STD test as soon as you can, he has probably given you some nasty disease from all these women he is sleeping with. You are right when you say he is bad for your mental health - listen to your own advice and STAY AWAY FROM HIM!!
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, Leykis101 +, writes (24 August 2012):
 You must've been in a hurry when you typed this? I think I got most of it though, why are you torturing yourself? that's all your doing, does he need to put it up on a billboard? he is not interested in you anymore, and it sounds like he probably never was, he was just using the name something nice you did for me as a scapegoat, sounds like he's a player, he's out for a piece of ass, and nothing long term, you on the other hand, need to put it together, i mean god listen to yourself, go back and read what you wrote, you are being effected down to your school studies, it's screwing with your school life, do you not know how important your schooling is? I mean maybe we are different, but I do not know that anything was more important then my schooling, when I was in school still, that was first and foremost the most vital and important thing in my life, and anything that screwed with it, was quickly eliminated out of my life, I would advise you to do the same, hell if it takes going out and just getting a piece of ass to move past it, for god sakes go get a piece of ass and get over it, meet somebody new, date a different guy every night, do anything, why do you mysteriously keep bumping into him? I have to think it's because you try to bump into him, if hes not in your immediate life, then there's absolutely no reason for you to not be able to stay the hell away from him, ultimately this is up to you, it sounds like your playing a little bit of a game, and not being completely straight up with us, you need to put your nose into your school, and do not take it out until you graduate, at which time, you will get hired, begin your career, and move into a whole new part of your life, in which your going to meet all sorts of new different men, I would focus on that, and stop the stupid games your playing with this guy, who obviously is going to tap the ass when you offer it to him, because he's a guy, and we enjoy tapping ass when it's offered to us, where you are offering it to him in the hopes of falling back in love, and he is excepting and tapping it in the hope of getting some ass, and nothing more, cut him off, go no contact, AND STAY NO CONTACT! focus on your school, i think we all know it's pretty much that simple at this point, and as far as being drawn towards him, that will last as long as you don't meet someone new, you meet someone new, and you'll forget who this guy is. you will, good luck.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (24 August 2012):
 This whole situation you are in has 'emotional trainwreck' all over it...you are experiencing the rather unpleasant side effects already and there is just one thing that is allowing you to continue...
Your inability to LET GO.
From what you have written, it is very clear that this guy has displayed every possible mannerism, every concievable move and spoken as clearly as he can that he:
DOES NOT WANT YOU AS A GIRLFRIEND!!
It's not confusion or lack of wanting a relationship elswhere, it's not that he's confused or secretly thinking about changing his mind...the absolute bottom line is that he sees you just as a someone to have sex with and hang out with so he never has to be bored or alone...
In short...HE IS USING YOU FOR HIS OWN REQUIREMENTS
and why is he doing this?
Because when he told you to MOVE ON because he didn't want you to be his girlfriend...YOU DIDN'T MOVE ON!!!...you stayed, hung around, allowed yourself to be deluded and used and tortured and permitted your brain to live in this 'fantasy' you have created.
Why won't he just stop contacting you? Why does he still get in touch?
Because you are a warm body with whom to have sex with and someone he likes to pass time with on occasion!!
Why does he always pay for stuff when he's with you?
Maybe because it helps him to deal with any guilt for using you.
Why does he remain friends with so many ex's?
Probably for the same reason he stays friends with you...more warm bodies, more people who adore him and boost his ego, more people to sheild him from loneliness and boredom.
Every single aunt here will give you the same advice on this one...
CUT ALL CONTACT FOREVER!!! and never see him again. Avoid the places he goes and force yourself to have a lengthy amount of time and space away from this toxic relationship.
Honest to God it will end up destroying you if you don't, you will hang on and cling forever using the tiniest scraps of attention he gives to fuel your fantasy relationship.
Sorry for being so blunt but you need your eyes opened or you will become so damaged and affected by this terrible experience, you might NEVER get over it.
There ARE other men in the world who will not only treat you with more respect, but will love you back and make you the centre of their life...but it's NOT this guy.
GET AWAY FROM HIM NOW FOR YOUR OWN SAKE.
xx
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