A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm in my third year at university and this year I moved in with a new group of people as my female flatmates from last year went on years abroad. One of my friends from a sports club was looking for one last person to fill a really nice house he'd found and since I knew him quite well I decided to move in with them. I'm the only girl in a house of seven.I didn't know any of the other guys before I moved in but my friend told me they were very nice and they seemed fine with me moving in with them when we all signed for the house last year. During the first few weeks after we moved in last autumn we got along fine, but gradually it's been getting worse and worse.It started when three of them started smoking heavily indoors. In the first few days, one of them asked if I was OK with them smoking as it was a regular habit of theirs. I was surprised as I had asked the friend whom I knew if any of them smoked and he'd said no-one did, but I said I was fine with it as long as they did it outside. Within a few weeks, however, they were all smoking indoors and, when I complained, they said that their rooms were downstairs and "smoking rooms" and mine was upstairs so I had no reason to worry. This led to me hanging out with them less and less as they smoked almost every evening and I was worried about my health.After a few weeks, I realised that they were doing drugs as well (one of them would actually call a dealer round to drop them off outside our house). Again I complained but they didn't really listen.The main problem, however, isn't even that - it's that they don't seem to respect me or my work ethic (I'm doing law). Just before Christmas, I heard them complaining about the fact I never spent much time with them, and one of them said something along the lines of "She's shockingly ignorant... We have a contract with the landlord, not her, so we can just throw her out". Another of them, who's in the room next to me, was saying how I shouldn't have been coughing loudly in my room once when I had a cold because his girlfriend was around and "it was awkward."I tried talking with them and they apologised, "for whatever we've apparently done that's offended you" before we went home for Christmas - however, this term, things have just gotten worse again. Me and the guy who called me "shockingly ignorant" were the first ones back and we got along fine for about a week, but as soon as another person arrived back he was back to being sarcastic again to me. Whenever I walk into the kitchen, they're either silent or sarcastic whenever they speak to me. A few weeks ago, one of them had some friends from home over; I walked in and talked to them for a bit and we seemed to get along fine with them, but about 5 minutes after I went upstairs I heard one of them say "she said we were saying stuff about her behind her back... I mean, everyone does that." Another of them then said "at one point I was just seriously sick of it... all she ever does is go on about those ^^^king essays." I confronted him about it the next morning but he denied it to my face and sent me apologetic text messages, when I didn't talk to him any further; however, over the next few weeks I heard him laughing at me again about this or that with the rest of them.Any advice on how to deal with them/what to say? I'm definitely moving out even if I have to pay for two places, but I'm just absolutely furious (especially at my friend from the sports club, who pretended a few days ago that everything was OK and whom I then heard telling one of the others yesterday about how he'd "had a word" with me and "gotten out of her what she's been doing over the last few weeks" - as if he didn't know how fed up with their behaviour I was!). How do I confront them about this?
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (9 March 2013):
 You don't. You just move out and let them continue with what they're doing, it's no longer a concern of yours. You can't get along with everyone, and it's clear that there's a negative group mentality here that decided to freeze you out. Like you said, one on one it's all good, but as soon as they are two or more.. the group-think starts, and they all lose their logics and senses and turn into sheep, just doing what the other is doing, which is picking on you.
Just move out and don't say anything else. No need to try and end things on good terms with dumb people. Just leave them be and move on to something better.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (8 March 2013):
 What's the point of confronting them? All it will do is make you look shrill and harsh and will give them more material for drama.
End the drama, move out as soon as you can. As you aren't on the contract with the landlord, they can't come after you for money, as one of them pointed out so helpfully earlier.
You aren't going to change them by confronting them and I don't think the outcome of the confrontation will make you feel any better. The way you paint them, they're all two-faced anyway. What's the point?
Move out, as soon as possible.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2013): Just pack and leave you don't deserve this rubbish.They sound like little children in school.
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A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (8 March 2013):
 I totally agree with Honeypie. This environment sounds very toxic (smoking and emotional torture).
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (8 March 2013):
 Instead of trying to FIX these losers, I would look for another place to live.
I wouldn't put up with this crap!
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