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Did I make a mistake when I decided to let him go? Broke up last night

Tagged as: Big Questions, Breaking up, Dating, Faded love, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 March 2016) 4 Answers - (Newest, 1 April 2016)
A female Canada age 30-35, *uman-mishra writes:

i really don't know how to express myself still i will try.

Its been 2 years since i am dating my boyfriend.

Both of us are in our late twenties and this is the 2nd relationship for both of us.

We started dating in 2014 before that we were friends for one year.

In his last relationship his ex cheated on him and she dumped him in 2012.

In my last relationship my ex got married to someone else,it was a mutual break up.

So we started dating after 2 years of that breakup.This was the first time i fell for someone but he was always aloof during the initial period of our relationship.

I thought maybe he is still not over i keep on doing my part. i was always extra loving ,caring.

I was always eager to see him.

six months passed he started opening up little bit..i was so happy but there was always some distance between us.

Sometimes he used to behave like a stranger, he never let me in completely in his life.

He never asked me anything about my life..i am not talking about general questions i mean questions which makes you close to someone .. it was me who used to tell him about my school days, my college family problem . my childhood days... not even once did he ask me any question about life.

he also did not share on his own anything about his life.

It not like we never used to talk.. but there was lack of deep connection.Still i waited that one day he will fall in love with me . one day he will see my worth,one day he will let me in his life but that day never came.

My 2 birthdays passed,on my first b'day he forgot to gift me anything when he saw me upset he bought me some flowers. i am not a materialistic person.i only wanted something from him as a token of love.. maybe a song sang by him for me, a vidoe anything.

When my second b'day came he did nothing . i couldn't hold myself and i cried but i realized you can't force someone to do anything maybe birthdays doesn't matter to him..

so i have decided from now one i will not going to treat my birthday as a special day. His birthday means a lot to me and it will always going to be.. i always planned a lot about his birthday... i want to do everything for him. i just want to see him happy.. but i am not financially strong in comparison to him. so i try to do little things just to make him happy.

Its not like that he was a bad person. he is always good to me. everyday he calls me, when i visit him sometimes he cooks for me.. when i share any problem with him he listens to me.. but when i share any problem regarding our relationship ..he avoid listening to me.

i feel alone those times. i have to deal everything on my own. he used to flirt with me a lot when we were friends..he used to say lot romantic things to me but since the day we got into relationship he never say anything romantic to me. when i dedicate him any romantic song.. after telling him so many times then only he listen it. i want to do so many romantic things for him.. but i know he will not even understand the depth of my emotions. if we see from outside my relationship is good.. but i feel emptiness in my life.. there is so much distance between us. i tried very hard to fill those spaces in our relationship. but with the time i feel day by day he is turning into a stranger for me.

so i broke up with him last night telling him everything .he said he loves me but he doesn't love me as much as i love him. he said for me he is the priority but he can;t do the same. he said i should reconsider..he said he understand very well that how much i love him..he loves me too but not to that extent .. after that he did not say anything and he excepted that.

i know one thing in my heart i can fight to the whole world for him.. but i can't fight with him for his love.He was my everything. i can do anything for his one smile. its not like i wanted to change him . i loved him the way he was.. i just wanted to feel loved.Did i make any mistake in letting him go ??

View related questions: broke up, flirt, flowers, his ex, my ex, period

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A female reader, wrathykins United Kingdom +, writes (1 April 2016):

wrathykins agony auntNo, you didn't make a mistake. It's going to be hard, as break ups are, but it would be harder to stay with him with such doubt in your mind.

And he doesn't love you as much as you love him? His loss! You deserve someone who loves you desperately.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (31 March 2016):

aunt honesty agony auntYou loved him, but he just could not love you the same way. At least he was honest with you. You see him as your future but am afraid I think he saw you as a friend who he did not want to hurt but who he didn't want to have as a life long partner either. If he wanted to be with you he would ask you questions, he would make an effort for you. Yes he may have listened but he did not show an interest.

At the moment you probably want to take him back, but you are accepting less than you deserve if you do, plus you are giving away the chance that you may meet a man who adores you and loves you. You have done the right thing, now you need to avoid all contact with him and move forward.

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A male reader, Denizen United Kingdom +, writes (31 March 2016):

Denizen agony auntSometimes you have to let things go to get something better. You can't see what that will be but it will happen. It will take time because you need to be whole again before the magic works. Be patient. Good things are on the way in ways you can't imagine.

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States + , writes (31 March 2016):

Tisha-1 agony auntI don’t think you made a mistake. You want to feel valued and loved, and he was never able to do that. I think you’ll find that once you get over the mourning period, you’ll feel much better.

I would suggest that you research the stages of grief, so that you can understand your emotions as they develop over the next few months.

Good luck, you’ll be happier in the long run, this is just short term pain.

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