A
female
age
41-50,
*yriclove
writes:i am a married 37 year old woman. my story is complicated. first of all i married my high school sweetheart 12 years after we graduated. we had two different life styles. he was a drug user. i only drank. he got off drugs with my help. we married and it has been a rocky road. i have trust issues. our sex life sux from the very beginning.he cant keep it up. i thought it would improve. it is worse. we have been married for 4 years. also we havent clicked emotionally since the 1st year of our marriage. i got tired of begging for sex and attention. i had an emotional and sexual affair with a guy from my church. he said and did everything my hubby hasnt. we texted for 2 months then it got sexual. after i slept with him he ended it. i was crushed. he has quickly moved on. i would have left my hubby for him.he didnt want me 2. he said we could be friends but nothing else. i still have feelings for him. did i get played? should i ever tell my hubby? nothing will ever change n my marriage.the other guy said he felt"convicted" over the sex.was that a line?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2014): I feel for you. I am in a bad marriage and have just been dumped after an affair. I know I shouldn't have done it but it isn't that easy when your husband takes no notice of you and them someone else does. Being heartbroken but having to pretend you aren't is the hardest thing to do.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2014): Your husband only doesn't need to know about the affair if you divorce him. If you stay with him then he does need to know the truth.
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A
female
reader, lyriclove +, writes (22 May 2014):
lyriclove is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the advice. i know i should get a divorce. we have a child tho so its a hard decision to make. also im not sure why i cannot stop thinking about my ex lover. it makes me depresssed that i cant be with him again...hopefully i can put it away in my pandora's box eventually.
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (21 May 2014):
 If your looking for a knight in shining armour to rescue you from a bad marriage - he was not the man.
You only need to confess to your husband that you are miserable and want out, nothing else
Don't wait to be rescued because you will end up both played and unhappy for years with one man after another.
Go find happiness alone and when the time is right you will meet a man to love.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (21 May 2014):
Your question here is all wrong. Who cares whether or not you tell your husband. You married the wrong guy and need to get a divorce.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (21 May 2014):
 Yeah, it sounds like you got played. It's possible that he felt guilty after the sex and withdrew, but most likely, he just wanted sex and once he got it, he was out the door.
I don't think you should tell your hubby. I think you should use this to realize that your marriage is over and you're completely miserable together. I think you need to leave him.
Normally, I wouldn't suggest that, but you seem utterly unhappy and it doesn't sound like there is anything at all to build on. And I'm not one who believes you should stay in a miserable marriage just for the sake of staying married. Life is too short to be miserable.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2014): You need a divorce, and to get your life in order.
You're living in a no-win situation; with nothing but drama and despair around you. Don't you think it's time for a change?
What good will it do telling your husband? Why is he still your husband? Why did you cheat when you should have just divorced your husband? Even if you don't have the money, you could get pro bono legal services, and file for divorce.
Don't tell us you love your husband. You cheated, and he doesn't seem to love you.
Get a divorce, and clean-up your life. Go to college, or a career school; and learn to do something you love.
Move on. What's the worst thing that could happen?
Maybe you'll be happy?
You're wasting your life, my dear.
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A
male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (21 May 2014):
 "did i get played ?" yes he got what he was wanting , used you . now you are left with guilt wondering what to do, tell your husband you cheated on him or cover it up. "should i ever tell my hubby?" a relationship is built on trust, not lie's and covering up the truth. if the cheating is bothering you now , do you not think it will bother you a month from now, a year from now ect..ect.. "the other guy said he felt (convicted ) over the sex was that a line ?" guilt over doing wrong can make a person feel convicted, but if he is convicted or not he still used you , and you cheated on your husband. what you both did was wrong. "i would have left my hubby for him, i still have feelings for him ." you have already left your husband in a since behind his back emotionally and sexually. if another guy comes along and tells you what you want to hear will your husband be at risk of you leaving also? you have pointed out your husbands bad faults, but what about your own? guys are out there can see when a woman is looking,lonely or unhappy. they will tell her what she wants to hear to get what they want.
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A
female
reader, YoungButNotNaive  +, writes (21 May 2014):
 Don't worry about the church guy anymore. He doesn't want the same thing you do, and you can't change that. Worry about what you CAN change, and what you're going to do next. You said you would have left your husband for this guy, so what is stopping you from leaving him anyway? This is what I mean by worry about things you can change, like your unhappiness. Is it that you're afraid to be alone? Because being with someone you're miserable with is NOT better than being alone. I learned this lesson the hard way, at quite a young age.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2014): yes he exploited you and took advantage of your unhappiness.Don't tell your husband because it will not serve any good purpose.leave this affair in your lessons section.If you are so unhappy in your marriage then leave.get divorce. start your life again while there is still time. you only live once, don't live it in misery.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (21 May 2014):
 I think you should "shit or get off the pot" when it comes to your marriage. If you are so unhappy you CAN walk away, cheating is NOT a very good solution. It's instant gratification, I get that - but I also get that you want more then just an itch scratched.
Did the dude from the church play you? In a way he did, but you went willingly to play games, you just didn't play the SAME game as he did. YOU wanted him to RESCUE you from a sucky marriage, HE just wanted some guilt-free sex. Once you said you were willing to LEAVE your husband he backed off. Well no wonder, he didn't WANT a relationship with you.
Talk to your pastor. Set your life straight. If the marriage is so rotten WHAT is keeping you in it? If you have NO real good reason to stay, then set yourself AND your husband free.
THEN you can pursue other men.
Having a bad sex life is no excuse to cheat.
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