A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Why can't I get turned on by anything? I have a bullet vibrator and I don't get any reaction. I watch some porn of different varieties and I don't get turned on. I haven't been turned on masturbating or with any of my boyfriends. The doctors say there's nothing wrong with me, but I feel like I'm supposed to feel something, but I don't. What else am I supposed to do?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2014): Like YoungButNotNaive has mentioned already, your characteristics are common that of an asexual. I personally think you need to step back a little bit. You say you don't feel pleasure, which could mean you have the sensations to experience "pleasure", but do not find those sensations pleasurable. Or it could mean you don't get sensations at all, which would be a physiological/psychological thing. So really you need to be a little more clear on what you mean when you say you don't "feel" pleasure.Curious thing though, you claim to experience arousal. To me there's a fine line that distinguishes between being turned on and getteing sexually aroused. And I would go as far as to say either may occur without the other but both are very likely to occur simultaneously.To me being turned on is a very loose concept to use anyway and it places more emphasis on action/intention of a person, not really their feelings or emotions. In the meantime I would suggest you widen your sexual practices and expose yourself to newer things. The porn you watch is probably too familiar, maybe the vibrator just isn't your thing. I can't advise much for masturbation, not to mention I am male, but I think I am right when I say it takes work and practice to find a masturbation routine that is just to your liking. As for entertainment, personally I think what one likes, whether it be porn or erotica, is kind of hit or miss. It may be a case of you not being picky enough. Also you may want try other forms of entertainment such as erotic literature.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2014): Would you say that you are connected to your feelings generally, I mean beyond sex? It is possible for us to either suppress a lot of feelings (whether through trauma or because of the way we were brought up) or to disconnect from them entirely. Would you say that you are 'numb' to other things in life? If you are not, then what excites you?It could also be that you are the kind of person whose intelligence is interwoven into sexuality - some people really need something like a very good and interesting conversation in order for ALL of them to feel connected to the person they are having sex with. It could possible be that when you say you are relaxed you are actually bored without realising it.It's difficult to say as there's not much information given for us to 'go on'. Were you encouraged, in your upbringing, to connect to and express your needs and wants, even for small things? Have you suffered a trauma of any kind? Are you intellectual at all?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2014): Asexual? Well I've never really considered it because I have had sex, though I admittedly didn't feel the desire to. But I've always been relaxed when I've tried it and I don't think about whether I will or won't get aroused until the end. I only try it every few months or longer because I don't have the desire to masturbate or have sex with anyone but it did make me wonder if I just couldn't orgasm. My body reacts how it should in terms of lubrication, but I don't feel any pleasure or anything.
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A
male
reader, thoughtsshared  +, writes (21 May 2014):
 This advice probably won't have much practical value, but I think you should stop trying. It might be that the stress of how you should or shouldn't be feeling is affecting your natural reactions. Or it might be that you're just going through a normal period of psychological adjustment.
Try to stop all judgmental thoughts about sex and arousal for a while - even for up to a year. This will be difficult when everyone's so obsessed about it that we begin to doubt our normality. A lot of people go through non-sexual periods but would never admit it.
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A
female
reader, YoungButNotNaive  +, writes (21 May 2014):
 First of all, do you experience attraction toward others at all? If not, you might be asexual.
Another possibility is you are putting too much pressure on yourself to feel something. For example, when you use your vibrator, are you relaxed? Or do you start with the mindset that you MUST feel something right away? If you're in the wrong state of mind for sexual activity, whether it be solo or with a partner, you won't get anything out of it.
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