A
male
age
36-40,
*oomuchpain
writes:There's this girl I talked to online for a really long time. we spent forever together and i thought things were going fine. we hung out once and it seemed like it went well but she doesn't want me for some reason. she talks to me all the time and she's really nice to me but she chose another guy (he was also from online) and it's tearing me apart. we spent so much time together i love her with all of my heart and this is too much pain for me i can't take it. how do i get her to love me???
View related questions:
move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (17 February 2012):
 Definitely log off the computer for a while. You will experience the loss for a day but with some sleep and some time away from the source of the pain, you will begin to see that what you have built was based on not such a strong foundation, sorry.
You'll be fine. Tell a real life friend about the situation and have him or her distract you for a while. There's a great article on how to get over a break up here:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-to-get-over-your-ex.html
Please read this for some great ideas on how to cope.
Turn off the computer after that and work on re-connecting with the real world, okay?
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 February 2012):
 oh sweetie playing online games doesn't mean you were a couple.... we play online games too.. .board games and my fiance does an MMO... he talks to people all the time..
what you need to do is get off the computer and out of the virtual world and meet some people face to face..
if you like gaming and want to know where to find local folks to do this you can check at http://www.boardgamers.org/ to find gamers near you.
every august in the first week we all get together in Lancaster PA for over a week and play games and party all week... there are like 1500 of us from all over the world...
it's how I MET my fiance.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2012): There is a song that goes "no you can't make somebody love you if you can't make the pieces fit, so mate just get over it." The line ends a bit harshly but, you have to realise that you can't force someone to love you, and try to move on. I know this is easier said than done but you have to try. You say you spoke to her online and only met her once, I'm afraid this is not enough for a relationship to "be solid". I also think that if you are in love with her, remaining friends with her might not be a good idea, as you will be expecting more and feel frustrated of only being a friend. If you want to forget her, you must cut all ties with her. If you think you'll be fine with just being friends, there should be no issue. I'm sure you'll find someone more suitable, you just need to keep your eyes open and meet more girls. Best of luck.
...............................
A
male
reader, Toomuchpain +, writes (16 February 2012):
Toomuchpain is verified as being by the original poster of the questionjust so you guys understand better we play online games together and we share the same group of friends and stuff...
so one of her friends messaged me on valentines day and said her new bf was having a spicy fish taco for valentines day and it hurt me so bad i logged off
i wanted to tell her what happened but it was so painful i got another online friend to tell her what her friend said to me
i'm 27 i've never loved anyone as much as i love her
i want her so bad, but it hurts so much its too much pain
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (16 February 2012):
If someone knew the secret to making someone fall in love with a specific person, that person would be a bajillionaire. There is no way to do it. There are ways to turn people off, though. Being clingy, needy, or unrealistic are a few of the ways that could cause a lack of interest.
My suggestion is that you turn off the device with which you connect to the internet. Go outside and take a walk. Feel the rain, snow, sun, breeze, moonlight on your skin. Breathe real air and listen to the sounds of nature around you. Smell the aromas of the earth, the neighborhood bakery, the woods, whatever is around you. Reconnect with the real world. Open your eyes and take in what is around you, and ignore the virtual world that sucked you into its fantasy life. Sit quietly, maybe in a coffee shop and just enjoy breathing in and breathing out. Don't try to think about anything. Just be in the moment. Really savor your food, your tea, your coffee. Think about the good things in your life. Become aware of yourself and your inner life, that is so much richer than an internet connection, if only you give yourself the time and space to appreciate it.
If you can't get yourself off the computer, use the time you are on it to research some healthy things. I would recommend some meditation practice for you. I'd rather you find a real life teacher, such as on in a yoga studio, but if you are so connected to the virtual world, maybe you can find lessons on how to meditate. I think you'd find yourself feeling more peaceful and more grounded in the real world.
Good luck to you. Break ups are difficult for everyone, it's not a comfortable place to be. The good news is that you do eventually get past the pain and may even learn something from the experience. The pain you are feeling now is only fleeting. Happier feelings are not far away, if you choose to move toward those instead of swimming in the current sea of misery.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (16 February 2012):
“I talked to ONLINE for a really long time…”
Ok so she was technically virtual… not even an IRL friend.
“we spent forever together”
How did you spend forever together? Skype? Honey that’s like talking on the phone it’s just not really how to have a relationship.
“we hung out ONCE”
ONE time IRL you met… ONE TIME. I have a deeper relationship with my Starbucks Barista than you did with this woman.
“we spent so much time together I love her with all of my heart”
WHAT do you love about this person you met ONCE…
She met you once she felt no chemistry and she’s made it clear to you that she is not interested in furthering this relationship. In fact for her it’s a non-issue.
NO one can MAKE anyone love them. I once asked if Love begats love… and I think that folks become more OPEN to receiving the love someone offers them IF and only IF they have feelings for the person who loves them first… YOU CAN’T make someone love you or want you or feel something they don’t feel.
You need to let her go. IF you think you love this woman you really just love the idea of it… and I suggest some counseling to help you formulate a plan for how to move forward in life and get REAL connections with REAL people.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (16 February 2012):
 I'm sorry you two have hung out once? Conversations online are nice and they for the most part makes us feel good.
Did you two talk about being in a relationship? Did you communicate any kind of exclusivity?
I think "your" girl likes the attention she can get from guys online and she isn't thinking that YOU might actually have "bigger" feelings then she does. It makes her a bit shallow don't you think?
You can't make people love you, you can't make people change.
Maybe what you need is to NOT talk to her any more.
...............................
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (16 February 2012):
 Look - lets get this straight, you spent nearly NO time with her AT ALL!! You had a lot of conversations with her online yes, but that is totally different to spending time with someone in person.
What happened is you met up, things didnt click for her in person and she realised you were just a friend - that physical connection she was (and you were) hoping for didnt happen for her so that was the end of it.
She was clearly talking to a number of guys online at the same time, playing you all against each other until she picked the guy she liked best.
Yes it hurts now, being rejected is always very painful. At least you know that you can move on now, and find someone that isnt playing games with men online and wont hurt you like this. You can do better than her, so dont waste time trying to get her back because she is not worth it. In time the pain will go away, and then you will be able to move on. I think in order for you to move on though you need to cut contact with her and stop talking to her online, that wont help you at all.
I hope this helps and good luck!
...............................
|
