A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys, hope someone can help me on this one?So I've been with my GF for 11 months now and living together for 6 months. We dated on and off for 7 months owing to her going through a divorce at the time and me not wanting to commit to someone who had commitment worries (couldn't blame her as he left her and was an a^^e about it!). She was with him for 12 years, married for 10 years and is 32 now. Once we were together I found out she had sex with two other men while we were dating (and also having sex). I know that by us not being in a relationship at that point she was free to do that and am kind of ok with it - but it's still not nice for me knowing that she shared me with two other men and sometimes within a week or two of each other! (it only happened and few times though).My issue was that for the first 7 months of our relationship she decided it was ok to keep these guys phone numbers and be friends with them on facebook. One guy text her a couple of times and the other facebook messaged her. They were apparently just asking how she was but as a man I felt they were just keeping their foot in the door. I told my GF I was uncomfortable with it all and she said she would delete their numbers etc. We were both adult about it and all was fine. Then one of the guys rang her at 04.30AM one weekend, which again, as a man, only means one thing - he was horny and after something. She told him not to message her as it's not fair for him (who also has a GF himself) to contact as they were nothing more than sex buddies. He then apologised and said he wants to stay friends, although in my mind they were never friends.Am I worrying unnecessarily about this or is it ok for your partner to be in contact with/friendly with an ex shag buddy? An EX I can deal with because you had emotional ties with them, but this seems a bit weird to me?Any thoughts?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2012): OP here, those responses read well, thank you. She has said she didn't delete them original because she doesn't like to be rude to people and that you should always see the good in people! I just couldn't wrap my head around that because I see things as more cut and dry, which is where we obviously differ! She knows it wasn't right now but saw no harm in it until I found out about the guys, which makes me think that if I didn't find out she would still have their numbers etc now? That's what I don't really like about it all??
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 November 2012):
 I too don't see the point of staying in touch with an ex shag buddy- once the shagging is over , what's there left to be " friends " about ?! NOW they feel this urge to have meaningful exchanges, have deep conversations, and show an interest in each other's life ?- when they probably never did that at the time of their " friendship " ??.
I don't mean that your gf must be up to no good, though. Maybe she just likes the attention, it 's a basically just vanity. Or perhaps she is one of those not too assertive people who feel that when someone is friendly with you, you have to be friendly right back, otherwise " it's not nice ".
Anyway , I think you are legitimated in telling her that , if she cares about relationship, she should focus precisely on it, and not let her past shags interfere with it ( particularly at 4 A.M ! ). This has got nothing to do, IMO, with retroactive jealouse ( that I happen to despise )- it is just a matter of common sense, good taste and- ultimately- good manners.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2012): First off yeah I don't date girls who sleep with others at the same time. Not even as fuck buddies to be honest. But that's beside the point now.
I understand your trepidation OP but I must say she's handling this very well so far. She's not in contact with them they obviously still have her number and are trying it on.
Look the 4.30am douche needs to be gone, no ifs, buts or ands and I think she has done that? If not then that does have to be the case, she knows what he's after and she's not willing to play his game but from what it sounds like he is gone and she dealt with it pretty well.
Look OP it's not the nicest of feelings but she's shown you how she handles this kind of attention and she handles it quite well if you ask me. Don't worry about it, it's not her fault if they still have her number and try contacting her, as long as she remains resolute in not feeding their desires or keeping them around even though she knows they only want sex then you're on to a winner. You'd be surprized how many women will fight furiously to keep guys like them hanging on, they don't want to lose the attention and don't see why they should. Your girl seems different and that's a very good thing. Mine is the exact same.
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A
female
reader, megsplace +, writes (26 November 2012):
 you are entitled to have these feelings of jealousy and uncertain about how much she is commited to your relationship,she has made it quite clear that she wants no more dealings with the ex's so i would trust her judgment and if the ex's turn up again ask why she is still getting contact as you want this relationship to be exclusively you and her only and theres no room for ex boyfriends with benefits.
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