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... Send *ildeesbg a private message | | | *ildeesbg's profile:Hi Readers
My name is Danielle and I am 25 years old. I have graduated from college with a BA in psychology and am currently in graduate school for my Masters in mental health counseling. Overall,
I am extremely down to earth and I love to have a good time enjoying the positive things in life.
My approach to responding to peoples questions is to help them see something their overlooking. In order to do so I might ask them questions that they would have to be truthful answering. Most people deep down know the right thing to do or say but their scared to be honest with themselves because fear or letting go of someone or realizing something isnt right can be scary. If we are truthful with ourselves then a positive change can occur.
I believe that communication is extremely important. That is why many of my responses suggest people to talk with the person or persons their having issues with. If you speak about your problems then you can have a more indepth sense of what the other person is feeling. I always suggest that communication comes first before any action is taken.
Overall, I feel this site is wonderful because people can get different aspects of their situation.
Feel free to contact me anytime =)just bare with me because sometimes it takes a little while for me to respond due to school work |
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| Latest articles: Fear Of The Unknown
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
27 October 2007: "You never realize what you have until its gone" Such a powerful quote, for people who have experienced this type of loss. Think about it, having something so good that you cant even appreciate it until its no longer there. Dont you think that is ...
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Am I being suspicious for nothing?
Q. Hi. I've not been the greatest wife in the world. We have had stressors way beyond the norm and I have been the primary money earner throughout those times. I escaped from personal problems by throwing myself into my work and by drinking when I was ...
A. 5 September 2007: I dont thing you are being too suspicious at all. You realized right away that something was fishy when he brought up an affair. Now what is the next step?....First of let me start by asking you, Do you think if he did have an affair will he e... (read in full...)
My older girlfriends daughter is worried I'm only using her mum for sex, even though we haven't even had sex yet!
Q. I am a 34 year old male and am dating a 41 year old woman for two weeks now everything is going great between us. we have not had sex yet as i am prepared to wait till she is ready, but the problem is she has a 21 year old daughter who is worried ...
A. 5 September 2007: Well obviously this situation had to happen to this girls mother once before. I assume this because if you are only dating each other for 2 weeks thats rather soon for someone to judge anothers persons intent. It seems as if you really like this... (read in full...)
I'm 12 and want to have sex! I'm scared but I want to. Should I???
Q. i am 12 i want to have sex with my boyfriend. what should i do? i am so scarde but i want to, so should i have sex with him ...
A. 5 September 2007: My question to you is WHY do you really want to have sex? Answer that question. Look, when i was younger i hated when older people used to tell me I am too young. But the reality right now is that you are too young to have sex. You have your entire ... (read in full...)
I either feel nothing, or pain during sex. This hasn't happened with other guys. Do i have a problem?
Q. I've had sex about fifteen times. With several different partners. I am seventeen and now have a boyfriend who i have sex with regularly. His size is not a problem, he's not massive but not miniscule either, quite perfect. He can get me to orgasm ...
A. 28 August 2007: Have you ever orgasmed during sex? If you havent that is normal 60% of women dont. However, the pain part could be a few things, your either tense when you have sex with him, your not having enough lubercation, or you can have an infection and when ... (read in full...)
Is it normal to not be able to orgasm with penetration only?
Q. I have been married a month but have known my husband for 2 years. I cant orgasm with penetration on when he fingers me, is this normal? I have always assumed it is but then he gets upset with me and says its because all i want him to do is finger ...
A. 28 August 2007: That is COMPLETELY normal...i want you to know that most woman can not orgasm by having sex...60% of women can not orgasm through sex. So do whatever works for you. However, keep trying. One major reason why women cant orgasm through intercourse is ... (read in full...)
I have been with a married man for 6 years, am I wasting my time?
Q. Hi I have been in a relationship with a married man for six years now. He and his wife were having probs when we met. Eventually he told her about us and she moved out of the house. After a year though she has now moved back in as the kids live...
A. 28 August 2007: Wow six years, that is a long time to be with someone who is not committed to you. Think about it, the wife moved back in...thats a HUGE RED flag that they must be working on things in order for her to move back with her cheating husband...wouldn't ... (read in full...)
He cheated on me when he was drunk, what should I do?
Q. I am in love with this guy and as you can see from previous posts things have been rocky at best but i am in love with him. Recently i have gotton very close to his family and i thought that things were going very well...we are just dating not going ...
A. 25 August 2007: RED flag being waved all over! Girl you gotta let this guy go. I know it is sooooo hard to do, but you have to have some self worth. Think about it what is actually going good for you two right now? You cant committ cause you are both off to ... (read in full...)
We broke up, but I'm still bothered by him seeing other girls
Q. Lived with longtime boyfriend of 6 yrs, Moved out because he did not want to take the next step, he has committment issues (at 45 yrs of age) also he wants to date other woman. But he still continues to text, email, calls to ask me out to dinner...
A. 25 August 2007: He is bothering you because he shared something with you! And for a man of his age who has committment issues you were as serious as he allowed himself to get. Even guys with the same issues as him do have a little heart and know when they lost a ... (read in full...)
He's visited masage parlours in the past and paid for sex, now I feel worried about our future!
Q. I'll start off my saying i'm very much in love with my boyfriend. He's a good guy with a lot to offer, one that i can see a future with, so far, still a lot to learn about each other. We've been dating for over year... and conversation cam...
A. 25 August 2007: Well you're not over reacting, that is a big shock! However, you can't make things an issue that happened in the past. We all at some point did things in our past that we regret, aren't proud of and can even be shocking. So don't hold it against ... (read in full...)
Living with clamidia a year, does it affect fertility and is there surgery to remedy it in this case?
Q. Oh i had clamidia for about a year. I finally got it treated and taken care of. See the problem is the std causes infertility. Do you think since i had it for so long it probably took effect on me already? Is there surgery out there to fix it or is ...
A. 25 August 2007: Well any STD that is not treated for a long time can cause infertility. My best advice is go to the gynocologist ASAP. There they can probably do some tests to determine if any damage has been done. ... (read in full...)
I have no desire for sex.
Q. i am 49,male, have no desire for sex, my wife has been patient but for how long. i am not unhappy with my wife, am just happy with everyday life. i do not look elsewhere either. ...
A. 23 August 2007: Well here is what i can address to you and maybe this can bring something to light!
First it could be that you have Sexual dysfunction. There are signs and symptoms to that. If so you would have to see a therapist about it.
However, thou... (read in full...)
What are your thoughts on a 15 year age gap online relationship?
Q. Anyone can tell me their opinion about a 15 yr old age difference relationship i.e 17, 32 (older male) views from the male side are appreciated (even female), and what if the meeting was from internet that started as a joke and then became a serious ...
A. 23 August 2007: The first question I have to ask you is this... What do you think a 32 year old MAN wants with a 17 year old girl?...Next question I have to ask is...What do you think a 17 year old teenage can give to a 32 year old MAN?
Look age CAN be nothing ... (read in full...)
I want so bad to sleep with her, I want to make love to her and tell her that I am in love with her but she's MY WIFE'S SISTER!!!
Q. I have fallen in love with my wife's sister. I love and care for my wife but not the way I feel for her sister. I want so bad to sleep with her, I want to make love to her and tell her that I am in love with her. If she asked me to sleep with her I ...
A. 23 August 2007: Well lets be real here... its not practical at all! It is one thing to fall out of love for your wife and divorce but its another thing to be with her sister. That is double/triple the pain for your wife... You cant be selfish! This is a line you ... (read in full...)
Is it worth carrying on? I can't bear the thought of life without him again.
Q. Dear all, I'm hoping for some geniune logical advice to this problem. I wrote some time ago now, of my relationship with a man, now of 3 years plus, whose wife was a friend of mine, and sadly died 4 years ago. Me and him became friends, both ver...
A. 23 August 2007: I know that he hurt you all that time ago but you said it was a month before the anniversary of his wifes death. Maybe it was the guilt that was talking at that time which ended things between you two. If it was the guilt can you understand where ... (read in full...)
She dumped me! Should I ask her for an explanation?
Q. After a Two and a half month relationship with my girlfriend she has dumped me by text, no explanation either just You're dumped in capital letters and no calls and I can't get hold of her it happened last night and we were going fine then this ...
A. 23 August 2007: I think you have EVERYYY right for an answer to why she dumped you and why she did so in such a RUDE and IMMATURE way. Unfortunately, though you might feel things were going well her actions speak otherwise. Something must have happened semi-re... (read in full...)
His close galpal makes me angry and jealous..how do I deal with this?
Q. My boyfriend of 2 years who I am extremely happy with has a close friend who is a girl who "all the guys love" I'm jealous of her and dislike her @ the same time but he doesn't know it..what do i do? everytime she is brought up i am angered....
A. 23 August 2007: It is normal to have those feelings of jealousy and dislike for a girl who is that close to your boyfriend and is so liked by other guys. However, dont focus on the other boys, there not your boyfriend and it will only increase your anger. If y... (read in full...)
I'm getting married and feel guilty about thinking about the guy I saw a few years ago.
Q. I was seeing a bloke 4 years ago for about a month, I hadnt told anyone and just kept it quiet. I really liked him but got scared and called it all off. I now realise that it was because Ive never met anyone so nice and was scared that if i let him ...
A. 23 August 2007: What your experiencing right now is extremely normal! it has nothing to do with not being really happy with the man you are about to marry. It has to do with your nerves and because Marriage is a huge committment. However, about the man you met all ... (read in full...)
Is he addicted to porn? Nor sure what to make of this. Advice?
Q. Ok, my boyfriend has a huge collection of porn - i mean thousands of images on his computer - i knew he looked at porn when i met him - but it is now bothering me that he has such a big collection. We have been together about 18mths and live ...
A. 20 January 2007: Too much of anything is NO GOOD! It is normal for anyone (especially men) to like porn and have a collection of it, but to view it everyday and have a routine about it definitely shows he is addicted...Just like when smokers need to smoke after a ... (read in full...)
He smacked me and I left! But.. I am hurting so bad. How can I stop letting my emotions get the best of me?
Q. I have been in a relationship for almost 3 years now and married for about a year. My two daughter's and I moved in with him and his son 2 years ago. I have raised his son like my own. I have tried to be a good mom to him because his mother died ...
A. 20 January 2007: Take a step back and look at what you just wrote. To me it seems that you are doing everything! Most importantly you are being a mother to his son! He needs to appreciate that. I dont know what the fight was about, but for him to raise his hand to ... (read in full...)
My partner of 5 years had "something" going on with a sales assistant he chatted up!
Q. I have lived with my partner 5 years. About 8 weeks ago, he chatted up a sales assistant - thus starting ...something. I know he sent her flowers and I know they have talked on his mobile and sent sexy, lovey messages (but there were also some fro...
A. 19 January 2007: In all honesty a person who takes there cell phone everywhere with them, has it on vibrate and has a pin for it is hiding things! TRUST ME!! The cell phone is the major theme of how he stayed connected with these other women, therefore, its a HUGE ... (read in full...)
He with this other 'perfect' girl now---so how do I get over him?
Q. Hi recently my boyfriend dumped me for another girl who is just perfect.. I've tried getting him back but he doesn't care I even once told him how I feel.. That was a mistake.. Enough said. Anyway, I'm so sick of chasing him and even though I love ...
A. 19 January 2007: First! dont think that telling him how you feel was a mistake, because even if it didnt bring you guys back together it still was something you needed to do in order to have no regrets when you move on. Please move on from this boy! you did all you ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is confused about his sexuality. How do I help him??
Q. My boyfrind of four years and has told me he thinks he is gay. We have a child together. I have told him to go and speak to someone but he wont he said he is confused. What can i do to help? I dont want to lose him but i dont want him to be unhappy. ...
A. 19 January 2007: I most commend you on how your handling this situation ! with that said, he has to speak with someone and thats it!he cant drop a bomb like that on you and leave it alone. He has a responsibility to you and his child to start dealing with his ... (read in full...)
My friend said she was fine with me and her guy friend going out, but now she's calling me names!
Q. Hmmm, right i like this lad...he likes me, pretty straight forward right? not really seen as he's my mates mate n she reli reli likes him. He asked me out n i said yes. My friend said she was fine with it but isnt and now she making me feel bad ...
A. 19 January 2007: Jealousy is the root of all evil ! with that said... its not your fault. You handled the situation like an adult when you asked her if it would be okie to date this guy. I know she is your best friend, but a person who can feel comfortable calling ... (read in full...)
I told my bf that I missed him - he said "act like it then!" What do I do?
Q. i need some help or its goin dowwwnnnn!!..uhm..me and my bf been goin out for about 4 months now..and uhm..when i talk on the phone with him, i tell him all the time that i miss him..but these couple of days..he reply back sayin..i doubt it..or "act ...
A. 19 January 2007: I dont think he is losing feelings for you, I think he thinks your losing feelings for him. I dont know how your relationship works...do you see him? or is it only phone communication? If it is only phone communication then i suggest texting him ... (read in full...)
We make each other miserable! So should I stay or go?
Q. I recently moved in with my Boyfriend, I have been with him for 5 years, Things were ok but then all of a sudden he seemed to turn. We used to talk and now we dont. We dont get on we make each other miserable. i dont want to leave him but i dont ...
A. 19 January 2007: when your with someone for five years it is really hard to break things off. I agree with the other and take some much needed space. If things were better before you guys moved in together, find out what went wrong since then. I would suggest you ... (read in full...)
Why am I always the one to arrange for us to meet?
Q. rightt iv been realy close with this lad for 2 years now! i like him more than any lad iv ever met and he feels the same! i know hes not just playing me, cause i havnt slept with him yet lol! all his mates know how close we are and that and hes a re...
A. 19 January 2007: What a guy says and how he acts is totally different. Im sure he likes you but maybe he is just not too sure how he actually likes you! Does he like you as a person he can see dating or does he like you just as a friend. IF a guy really likes you he ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is gorgeous, she makes me happy and we have so much in common. There's just that age gap...
Q. I have been seeing a girl from work for a few months now and there is a bit of an age difference, like I'm 31 and shes 18. At first I thought I was attracted to her just cause she's got a smokin' body,and that's good stuff since I've never had a gi...
A. 17 October 2005: You have to do what makes you happy. The extra good news is that your both legal !! Your not doing anything wrong. As for the people that your concerned about, For the people at work who cares, let them talk. However, her parents you need to be ... (read in full...)
After a scare in Iraq, my boyfriend is rethinking our relationship...
Q. My boyfriend is in Iraq. Things were going so good and then the other day he was hurt; not bad physicaly but emotionaly real shook up. Now he has started saying things like it's not fair for me to have to go through this and worry about him. I f...
A. 16 September 2005: Sounds like something happened and he is in shock. Reality is starting to settle in and the thought of something happening to him is alittle bit more real now and he doesnt know how to handle it.
This is when you as a girlfriend need to step up ... (read in full...)
I've never forgotten my ex, and I'd never leave my wife, so why do I regret not seeking out my ex?
Q. I have been married to my beautiful wife for the past two years and she is everything I could have asked for. I love her but before we have even met, my high school interest had always been on my mind for the past 10 years! Although we have lost ...
A. 16 September 2005: I am guessing this was your first love. If I am right you need to understand nobody ever gets over their first love. That's the relationship that you will always remember best because that person was your first everything. What is making it even ... (read in full...)
There's something missing with my boyfriend. I'm not sure I love him any more!
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for around year and a half now. He is training in the marines and I see him every Saturday night until the following Sunday morning, so not very long. I try to speak to him for about an hour a night, if he has time. It ...
A. 16 September 2005: Since you dont see your boyfriend that much I think that in your mind you already feel broken up. Which makes you feel single, hence the hooking up with other people. There is no doubt you care for him, but I think that in all other ways you have ... (read in full...)
Every time my boyfriend checks out women with big boobs, my heart sinks
Q. I am a small busted woman. I have always wanted bigger ones. My BF's exwife is petite w/ Big Boobs. His 15 yr old daughter has big boobs. When we have sex, foreplay to him is sucking my boobs and he gets aroused by that. That is what turns him on ...
A. 15 September 2005: Hun, stop stressing. Men love boobs, and butts. However, that doesnt mean he wants to be with every big busted women he sees. If this was a priority to him then he wouldnt be with you..right? Everyones man somewhere down the line checks out other ... (read in full...)
We slept together and I fell for him, but now he tells me he's got a girlfriend!
Q. I met this guy about two weeks ago, and we have hung out at his house with some of his friends a couple of times. And the last time we ended up sleeping together, so of course being a girl, I have fallen for him. He's all I think about, but when...
A. 15 September 2005: Sex definitely can complicate things, especially when your not in a relationship with a person. However, I would take this as a lesson learned and move on. He is not a type of guy you want to be with anyways, if he is cheating with on his ... (read in full...)
I ruined a blossoming relationship by picking faults... Now I'm at it again!
Q. I have Commitment issues! ive been single for over 4 years, I've had flings since then, but they have mainly been with men that havn't treated me very well. But last year I met a man that was absolutely lovely to me, was a gentleman, treated ...
A. 15 September 2005: It seems to me that since you never were in a real relationship your have fears of what to expect in the now and the future of a relationship. Relationships are scary your sharing your world with someone else. The thoughts of is this the right ... (read in full...)
My married guy says he's "not strong enough" to leave his wife...
Q. I met a guy several months ago and he is married. Recently we started seeing each other as a bit of fun. Neither of use expected it but we ended up falling for each other. He said that he would leave his wife to be with me but when it came to it he...
A. 14 September 2005: First off, why are you with a married man? Once you hear a man is married that should be your sign to walk away. Not to make you feel bad but your breaking up a family, especially if there are kids involved. Regardless, how many times he has said ... (read in full...)
If I vent my feelings to my abusive ex, would he try to find me again?
Q. I broke up from a man who was very abusive towards me about a year and a half ago. I have since entered into a healthy realtionship and have become engaged. Knowing all of this I still keep thinking about my Ex. I think it may be because I feel ...
A. 14 September 2005: Only you know how he can get. If the possibility is that he gets good and mad and try to find you, then it is best to leave that letter unsent. Dont let your anger get the best of you. Dont get me wrong, you have every reason to be angry and I can ... (read in full...)
Can't face my boyfriend since I cheated...
Q. I have been in a serious relationship for 4 years. My partner and I recently had a break because I cheated and couldn't face him. He doesn't know that I have been unfaithful. Things are not going well, although he has moved back in and we are both ...
A. 14 September 2005: First off, dont feel like you should be ashamed of yourself because thats ridiculous. Obviously, you are resentful for what you did and you know what? Thats a good sign. Seriously, from someone who was in the same shoes as you it wouldnt be crazy ... (read in full...)
My mum and dad aren't happy with each other, and they try to drag me into their morass!
Q. Dear Cupid, I want to stay away from my family but my family members want to stick with me and don't want to let go of me. I am 22 yrs of age and all my childhood, i had experienced stressful family environment with parents always fighting with ea...
A. 14 September 2005: It is obvious that your parents love you (though you dont think they do) I do see however, that for some reason they look at you as their life raft. To them you are their rescue from each other and themselves. That can be stressful and alot to ask ... (read in full...)
Is it fair that he dumped me for sleeping with someone 9 years ago?
Q. My Boyfriend of three years has dumped me. The reason he cited is that I slept with his best friend 9 years ago and he can't cope with that fact. He says I don't understand the male ego. I think that this is deeply unreasonable, what do yo...
A. 14 September 2005: I have spoke about the male ego in many of my responses to people. There isnt that much to understand if you ask my opinion. Simply, men dont want to look or feel played, especially infront of other males. They need to feel dominant and in ... (read in full...)
At 15, am I too old for my 13-year-old girlfriend?
Q. Right. I am 15 and dating a 13 yr old and we have been going out for a while and that. I really like her and she realy likes me but there are a few wee daft guys at the same age of her doing my head in, saying I'm too old, although the people the ...
A. 14 September 2005: Honestly, it is only two years difference. Does she act very immature? Probably not since your still with her. Tell the guys that are bothering you to get a hobby. Be stern WITHOUT fighting. If you really like her and she likes you than be happy ... (read in full...)
After I slept with my ex, all those old feelings came flooding back! What are our chances?
Q. I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 and a half years nearly 2 years ago. We didn't really have much contact as he had a new girlfriend! I saw him out clubbing a couple of weeks ago and we got on so well as if we had never split. I ended up going ba...
A. 14 September 2005: Here is the problem, of course there is a chance of reconcilation, however, what was the initial reason for the break up? How long ago did he end things with his last girlfriend? Or is he still with her? These questions are definitely a factor in ... (read in full...)
Sex. Should we do it drunk or sober?
Q. When me and my partner are drunk she wants to act sexually, but I would prefer to do so being sober. What's your opinion?...
A. 13 September 2005: Alchol and drugs can make a person more sexual. It makes them lose their ambitions. Now,how long have you and your partner dated? If this is a new relationship then having drunk sex isnt a good sign. If she can only be sexual if she has been ... (read in full...)
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