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... Send *loveblue a private message | | | *loveblue's profile:I first stumbled upon this website when I was having a broken heart from a failed relationship. I didn't want the people around me to sermon on me as I never listened to them but I was desperate for an advise. I'd say, this was the best that I could find when it comes to relationship problems. You know why, because our dear aunts will respond to your post based on their experiences and knowledge. I do agree that experience is the best teacher. You are free to follow their advise or not. And not everyone will give the same formula, the same answers, so imagine how much knowledge you will get.
Ofcourse some will be frank some will be nice, but that's the beauty of it, you get to be responded by people with varying personalities. You will feel there is life in this website.
Anyway, I can honestly say that this site has helped me mature so fast. When I first started here, my view of relationships are shallow, immature and I don't know how to read guys behavior. About sex too, I was so naive. I feel I know only 10% before, now I feel like I know some 60% already about relationships. I like to learn more from reading about people's posts and problems. I do give advise at some posts where I know I can relate to. It may not be the best advise but it's based on experience and based on early posts from since I became a member here. Coz I do make a lot of observations from people who post here over and over, it seems there is a pattern for exes, FWBs or some basic teen age sex questions. These stories are from different people but they are basically similar to each other.
Also, it feels nice to share your views and help people learn from your mistakes. Do not let them learn their mistake, make them learn form yours so they can avoid the mistake as early as possible.
Good luck to all of us. |
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Men & Women: How long have you gone without sex?
Q. How long have you gone without sex with another person? ...
A. 9 April 2012: Hmm I had no sex for like forever before and I even thought I will never have it in my life. But later, I somehow longed for it and tried other ways to feel satisfied sexually.
Then I met my bf and it wasn't that great at first. We'd do it about... (read in full...)
What are the boundaries of cheating?
Q. Ok so I feel like I should know this already but I don't. What are the true boundaries of cheating on ur bf/gf ??? Cause one of my friends thinks it's when u have sex with someone else, another thinks it's when u make out with someone else, so ...
A. 30 March 2012: I think it depends on what couples agree on. Remember, there are couples who allow each other to see other people, some even have extreme activities like orgies. An act is called cheating when you betray your partner's trust with regards to dealing ... (read in full...)
What do you think about death?
Q. I had many death lately in my family. Very close family members died, from different causes. So it is very difficult time for me, and I have hard time dealing with it. That got me thinking of death a lot generally. And its funny , but I can't find ...
A. 23 March 2012: I very much agree with Code Warrior.
I would say, it seems natural that as we age, more and more people we know and care will leave us behind. It's inevitable, I agree with everyone here. But also, remember that we welcome the birth of children... (read in full...)
FWB with you ex boyfriend...good idea or bad?
Q. friends with benefits?? good or bad idea with your ex boyfriend?...
A. 20 March 2012: It's a bad idea. Think of it, he is an ex for a reason...a reason why you should stay away from each other and move on. If this FWB thing starts, your reason becomes invalid. This type of relationship will only salvage what little respect and love ... (read in full...)
In a breakup why do people take the cheaters side?
Q. I was watching George Clooney's The Descendants the other day. The movie is about a character that doesn't know his wife was cheating on him. Everyone knew and didn't tell him. He never treated the wife bad or cheated on her. She screwed him over ...
A. 12 March 2012: No I think it's not because they are taking the cheater's side but it's because they feel that they don't have the right to interfere in the person's relationship and be the first one to destroy it rather than to save it. I know how it feels rea... (read in full...)
Is it true that women never forget their first sexual partners?
Q. I'm a 30 y/o male, got married when I was 28 I have a 19 month old boy. I love my wife and child. But my question is the following: "when my wife and I had intimacy for the first time she made it very clear and reinstated that she wasn't a vir...
A. 2 March 2012: For a woman, among the girls I know, no one has ever said that the first time was unforgettably enjoyable. Cerberus has described it correctly.
I do not forget the the first time, however, it was with a boyfriend who left me a year later and so I... (read in full...)
Do you remember how/why you found Dear Cupid and did it help?
Q. Not a dating/relationship question as such, but just curious...Do you remember why/how you came across Dear Cupid and do you take that into account when answering questions? E.G. When you tell someone to move on/dump their partner, do you ...
A. 28 February 2012: Well, this is indeed a good question... I discovered this site in 2009 as I was desperate to look for an online relationship advise before. At that time, I found out my bf (now my ex) was cheating on me. It was shocking and I couldn't accept ... (read in full...)
I'm married and she has a boyfriend but I cannot ignore my attraction to her, how do I ask her out?
Q. There is a new lady in office. She is 38 and I am 26. She is really very cute and hot at the same time...rare combination but yes she is. I have been wondering how to ask her out and what subjects could I talk to her on to attract her towards me. ...
A. 9 February 2012: Well, if you do not have intentions to hurt your wife later, I'd say....stay away from this woman. Believe me, all affairs start out innocently.
There is a way for you to control yourself and find out what it is if you don't want to put misery t... (read in full...)
I've been offered a year job in Asia but after a horrible experience there, I'm not sure if I should go back!
Q. Nearly a decade ago when I was still in my late teens, I was travelling in Thailand and I had an incident that has left me reeling ever since. I had been drinking so no excuses there but a Thai girl approached and started talking to me. I can't re...
A. 2 January 2012: I feel for you. And coming from a country much like Thailand, I am aware that many people from such countries do take advantage of tourists and commit crimes. They don't care at all how losing a very important document can change your life or make ... (read in full...)
Guys! What are the motivations, excuses, reasons, justification for men who are cheating?
Q. I'm trying to better understand motivations for men cheating. So all the men out there... IF your woman is very attractive, always sexually available and ready for you, gives you massages, regularly cooks meals, works and pays her own sh...
A. 16 December 2011: Times are changing and as the equality between the men and women is more recognized now, cheating is not only an issue about men but also for women nowadays. Have you noticed that a lot of movies now portray women who cheat?
Try alone reading ... (read in full...)
My depressive ex gf is really confusing me. Any opinions?
Q. Hi all. Ex and me was engaged and been together for 5 but had a LDR. ANW she left me two days after she bought her dress for the engagement. I tried everything , even showing up on her door step 3000 miles away with flowers. Nothing. I st...
A. 25 November 2011: Looks like your gf has realized what she has lost and is now going through a roller coaster of emotions accepting that you've moved on. People can't help it sometimes. It happened to me, I was starting a promising relationship when my ex started ... (read in full...)
She says I should have sex with other woman, but I only want her!
Q. I have a simple, but somewhat complicated issue I've working things out with my ex, she doesn't really view herself as someone who can fulfill my desires, we live two and a half hours from each other. She says she'll remain loving and give me the ...
A. 24 November 2011: I would have to say that your gf is not yet mature as a person. She seems confused. Who in the world would want and enforce their boyfriend to go have sex with others? She is not being honest with you, she is testing your strength or weakness.
... (read in full...)
Do I tell my g/f I've cheated on her multiple times?
Q. My girlfriend and I have been dating for just over a year now. Things were great. We even talked about and planned wedding stuff. I had no doubts the she was the one. It was truly amazing. Here's the first thing. I've cheated on her multiple...
A. 24 November 2011: Do you tell her? Yes and that would be your reason to ask for a break-up. Tell her everything? This one is tricky, but I do agree with other aunts, telling her everything would only result to her distrusting men, hating them and will scar her for ... (read in full...)
Does anyone agree with "everything happens for a reason"
Q. I was wondering, do you believe in the phrase "everything happens for a reason". I am finding it hard to believe at the moment. I applied for my dream job (a promotion), got an interview... Everything was going well. The panel knew me, gave me...
A. 23 November 2011: In my opinion, it depends. Okay, if someone meets an accident in the highway or a person's loved one died unexpectedly or a natural disaster swept a whole town...this is something none of us can control no matter how advanced we are as humans. I... (read in full...)
He was a player, should I just end things with him even though he has done nothing wrong towards me?
Q. I have been seeing a guy for the last 6 months and in the beginning it was just meant to be a bit of fun. He was considered to be quite a player and when he started to pressure me I played along because I never thought it would turn into anything. 6 ...
A. 22 November 2011: I think this is the price for people who have had a history of being a player. I am also dating a guy who has been with so many chicks and slept with..i don't know how many, I just don't bother to ask him. They will find it very hard to earn your ... (read in full...)
How to motivate myself to stay in school?
Q. I'm in high-school, grade 10. I am supposed to be in Grade 11, but I dropped out of school when I was in grade 8, so I had to re-do it over. I had 3 morning classes, but dropped out of them. So, I lost 3 easy credits. I don't know what I'm going to ...
A. 9 November 2011: Don't be the one who regrets not being able to finish school. Many people didn't think about this, but when time came, most if not all will honestly say that he/she regret that he did not finish school. Ofcourse with the exception of Steve Jobs, he ... (read in full...)
We were "together," while he had a gf, then he split, what was the story?
Q. It had taken me a long time to get over a guy that I fell hard for. We had great chemistry but never wanted to make me his girlfriend. He's 34 and has joint custody of his son with an ex. I am just thirty, independent, hard working carreer woman. I ...
A. 4 November 2011: I have known a bunch of guys and they all behave like this either with me or with a friend or someone else I know who is caught in a situation same like yours.
You know, guys whether they feel anything for you or not, will always welcome you with... (read in full...)
He moved on quickly. Did our relationship mean nothing to him?
Q. i was w/ my boyfriend in a serious relationship for 2 1/2 yrs and i recently broke up w/ him b/c i didnt see a future w/ him. he started dating someone new in only two weeks and when i found this out i was really hurt. does this mean that our ...
A. 24 September 2011: No, I don't think he has moved on that quickly. But you broke up, that's his way of coping up. It is more likely that your ex has put himself in a rebound relationship.
Anyhow, as you are not anymore together with some valid reasons, just let him ... (read in full...)
For the ladies who have been cheated on or have divorced parents: how do u deal with a new guy in your life and what is your reaction?
Q. This is directed at ladies who have been cheated on or have divorced parents. In a very broad sense, it is for those ladies who have been "broken'. I understand you ladies have a general disdain and cynicism when it comes to dating. My question is, ...
A. 23 September 2011: This is a question I would personally like to respond to as I can relate to it so much. Anyway, it was literally end of the world to me when I found out that my ex was cheating on me. He was my first serious boyfriend and I have always thought b... (read in full...)
I caught my girlfriend cheating, but I still love her
Q. I have been with my girlfriend for a little over 3 years. She was my first everything and we loved each other so much we didn't go a day without each other. we had a very strong relationship. I never talk to any girls once I met her. I didn't really ...
A. 2 September 2011: Are you willing to forgive and forget what she did to you? Yes, you do love her but be aware that what happened will leave a scar in your heart. You may not recover from what you have seen. It is basically cheating but you have seen it that mak... (read in full...)
Devastated! Husband not happy with Pregnancy
Q. I have two wonderful children and my husband and I love them very much. My husband has two brothers with schizophrenia and he watched in despair as their lives spiralled out of controlled. He always worries that one of our children could have ...
A. 2 September 2011: I can relate to your story and my heart goes out to you. Being in a situation like this is really difficult and to be honest, we cannot blame your husband too for being terrified about this. But what to do with your pregnancy now? Ask him if he co... (read in full...)
Ex wants to know I stopped contact
Q. my question is my boyfriend called it off but claimed he still loved me as a friend. he kept calling me but a time came when i completely stopped picking up his calls because i needed to heal from pain. and he started asking his sisters why i wa...
A. 1 September 2011: You are actually on the right track of cutting all ties with him to heal yourself. Remember the saying, no pain no gain? Well, break-ups are applicable to this saying. No matter how sweet and tempting it is to speak to your ex, you do not know what ... (read in full...)
Why do women often settle for the nice guy over great sex?
Q. Why do women who are very in need of a solid sex life, settle for men who are not the most sexual? I have seen so many couples lately in my circle of friends where there is a definite mismatch in sex drives, or in some cases, even sexual ...
A. 31 August 2011: Did you ever wonder if these guys left those girls that's why they did not last? If given a choice, ofcourse a woman would want one who is so great in bed. But most of the guys who are so good in this department are also players. They just had to... (read in full...)
How can I play hard to get with my steady boyfriend?
Q. Every guy and girl says they 'don't want to play games' but I've been learning more and more that everything is a game, ESPECIALLY relationships, and the moment you stop playing - you lose. Anyway, how do I do it successfully? Play hard to get...
A. 29 August 2011: Well, this is indeed a tricky question. But I will tell you one thing, playing hard to get is not all the time the answer to your need for more attention from your boyfriend. I swear I did this to my ex before and guess what? It backfired on me and ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend has gone away to college, I'm scared she will cheat with her guy friend
Q. My girlfriend has just gone off to college and we are taking a small break since we will both be at college for some time. We still love each other but when she was leaving she was so excited to go to college that she didn't seem like she would miss ...
A. 28 August 2011: I think I agree with walshie93 on this one. I don't want to put your only hope down but the chances are that you will succeed in your relationship with this girl is at best 50/50. You are still young and about to go to uni yourself. Don't ... (read in full...)
Is there anyone genuine on the internet?
Q. Has anybody met anyone genuine on the internet? I have met some really rude people and am beginning to wonder if it's me. Met one guy who sent me an email with bullet points saying why he didn't want to meet again. Another guy brought 3 con...
A. 21 August 2011: Yes there is ofcourse, but the chance that you will find one among them is difficult and will take some effort, time and luck.
You see, the internet world has made everyone believe that everyone on the net is not trustworthy, deceitful and fake... (read in full...)
Texting a guy who already has a girlfriend.....is this wrong?
Q. I know this may seem obvious and I'm sure most of you will right away say it is wrong and I shouldnt be texting him, but let me give you the full story and please reserve your judgement until then! I met a guy on Saturday night whilst out with ...
A. 17 August 2011: Actually, there is not such a problem as this one as long as you have clean intentions. However, it is more advisable that you slow down contacting this person. Friends yes, but do not text him back and forth as if you are the only person in his ... (read in full...)
I'm confused. She gave me her number and now won't answer?!
Q. So, a couple days ago at work this group comes in. I'm behind the desk so I help everyone. Consequently I sing really well so from time to time i sing to customers and at some point during the night, must have sung to this girl because she came up ...
A. 17 August 2011: I agree with most of the responses here. And Eddie's rule is better to do in this case. Most girls hate to say no to you especially if you've had already started a nice chat together so they just give their number away. I am quite guilty of this. ... (read in full...)
Ex b/f is upset because I broke up with him after finding out he was cheating
Q. I was with my bf for a year and a half he betrayed my trust decieved me emotionally abusive when he got injured I moved in with him and found reciepts he was at the motel repeatly with some woman he told me his cousin was livin with him come to find ...
A. 13 August 2011: Cheaters will never ever admit to cheating even when you have caught them in bed with their lover. But since the evidence is strong and his lies are now undeniable, I'd say, you did the right thing by saying goodbye to him. Remember, you never ... (read in full...)
What men think 30 Sec after ejaculation and how it can affect you
Q. The late great comedian Richard Pryor during his stand-up routine used to joke that directly before a man achieved orgasm you could ask and receive anything from him. Want to get married? This is the time to ask. Need a new car? This is the time to ...
A. 4 August 2011: Wow, i enjoyed reading your articles especially this one because I can say it really is true! I experienced both types of reactions from guys and as far as I have observed, you are correct.
I look forward to more of your articles. And thanks f... (read in full...)
I'm in love with my best friend's boyfriend... I need advice!
Q. For a year I'm inlove with a boy from my boodle. He lives in the same block of flats, we study in the same school, he is 16 like me. For a year he is the boyfriend of my best friend from the boodle who is 17. I told her I like her boyfriend and she ...
A. 4 August 2011: Well, if I may be allowed to give you one tip. If you want to keep your friends with you forever, never ever fall in love with their love interest. If your feelings are reciprocated by the guy, that will be the fastest way you can lose your ... (read in full...)
Does he actually love me or is he using me? how can you tell?
Q. My ex boyfriend and i broke up at the beginning of july of this year, and since he broke up with me he has still been telling me that he loves me, i am still in love with him, but hes confusing me, i dont know if hes just using me or if he actually ...
A. 4 August 2011: I have heard so many stories like this and had my own experience too. There is only one thing I can say..the no contact rule is just the best thing in all break-ups. You know why?
1. This will clear both of your minds from the break-up.
2. This c... (read in full...)
Three years together, then we have sex and he breaks up with me the next day!
Q. My partner (who is 37) left me (mid twenties) after having sex with me. I had been with my partnr for three years and last week, we finally had sex. At first I wanted to wait, as I had never had sex before and was afraid it would hurt and I wasn't ...
A. 2 August 2011: This may be a blessing in disguise coz in my opinion, it looks like you are better without this guy.
One thing is, a normal guy will never do this. All the aunts are right, how could he be with you a year and lived with you for another 2 years wi... (read in full...)
How do you tell if you really love someone?
Q. Hey, I can't figure out how I truly feel about my bf of 10 months - how do you know if you really love someone? Thanks :)...
A. 1 August 2011: I have always asked this question before as I have always doubted my feelings for my past relationships. It's like my feelings for them were of either infatuation, convenience or it's just because I got used to them being around.
But when I met my... (read in full...)
20 year old straight employee got sexually involved with me, took money and favours from me, and now his wife is pregnant and he's changed his job. I feel terribly used, betrayed and hurt
Q. OK, here's one that has to top it all. I am a boss, I met this straight man 20 years old. I am 50. This is so crazy that it is hard to believe it happened. At any rate, I told him about me, and when I did, he said, well anything is possible for ...
A. 30 July 2011: It really does seem that this guy got you based on the emotions that you are pouring here. However big or small the heartbreak is, it's still a heartbreak. And it's a heartbreak for which you cannot do anything but sulk it up and help yourself move ... (read in full...)
I cheated on my girlfriend and told her. What do I do now?
Q. Ok so Saturday evening we had a party and everyone got wasted. There were like 7 guys including me and 2 girls, one of which was a girlfriend of one of the guys. The other one is still single. So everyone of the guys tried to get her attentio...
A. 26 July 2011: Well, it's not surprising that you don't love your girlfriend yet as you've been with her for 5 months..that's really expected actually.
However, it doesn't mean that you have the right to cheat on her. You see, being in a relationship with som... (read in full...)
Should I avoid going to his house?
Q. I got invited on a date with this guy and I'm meeting him at his house. He said we could have some fun and I put my foot down, he said he wouldn't try to make me do anything I didn't wanna do. He says he doesn't want anything serious and only a bit ...
A. 25 July 2011: How long have you known this guy? Anyway, the point is, you are not ready to be going to his house so don't go. Believe me, this is a classic way of how guys lure you to bed especially if it's their house. And who knows what other things he is cap... (read in full...)
Would you remain friends with an ex who was unfaithful and disrespectful towards you?
Q. I broke up with my girlfriend about 3 months ago because I felt she was not loyal to me. She wanted to spend a lot of time with her three times ex boyfriend whom she claimed they are just friends. She was also spending a lot of time with another ...
A. 22 July 2011: If it was a mutual decision to break up bcoz you are not compatible or that you have different perspectives in life, yes, it is not that a bad idea to be friends with your ex. But then, not right after the break-up. A few months of no contact or ... (read in full...)
I caught him red-handed with another girl! How do I get over this and stop blaming myself?
Q. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for more than one year. Two days ago we spent a nice evening celebrating my birthday, and so I thought that things were just all going great between us. Until tonight, I caught him near his home being ...
A. 22 July 2011: I don't know how you feel about your boyfriend and how much you can endure because of your feelings for him. And I know right now you are still dumb and shocked about what happened. The coming days will probably be like a roller coaster of feelings ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is always afraid of pregnancy even though we use protection...how do I calm her down?
Q. My girlfriend and I are worried about a potential pregnancy. She's a little later than usual for her period. She's almost always ~3 days late, but we're getting into a day or two past that point. To the best of our knowledge, she *shouldn't* be p...
A. 16 July 2011: All women get scared of unwanted pregnancy if they are sexually active. I am also like your girlfriend, I panic every time my period don't come as expected and I stressed myself in thinking I'm pregnant and as a result, my period is delayed more coz ... (read in full...)
I am married but this other woman will not leave me alone!! Help!
Q. Hi, I'm 35 and married. In March this year, I started flirting with my female colleague. After few weeks, we realised that we both had a lot of things in common and we're sexually attracted to each other. She told me that she wanted commitment, so I ...
A. 8 July 2011: The moment you told her you have strong feelings for her, you just put more fuel into her desire to have you. And in her mind is like "it's only a matter of time and skill that I can have this man." I honestly think you should've kept your thoughts ... (read in full...)
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