A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:my question is my boyfriend called it off but claimed he still loved me as a friend. he kept calling me but a time came when i completely stopped picking up his calls because i needed to heal from pain. and he started asking his sisters why i was silent and wanted to know how i was doing.i miss him but i feel my heart tells me to call him what should i do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (1 September 2011):
 Ignore him. You are not obligated to give him friendship.
You chose the space and distance to heal. Keeping in any contact with him would make him feel better, but might reopen wounds for you.
He is an ex and your friendship is not a consolation prize.
A
female
reader, lil212 +, writes (1 September 2011):
HelloPlease do NOT contact! I had the same thing with one of my ex's he broke up with me but still wanted to contact me (especially when drunk) I used to cave all the time .... it went on for 3 years! He just used me and didnt want anyone else to have me but didn't want me either. I could have met a lovely guy in that 3 years but kept picking up my ex's calls, thinking ooh maybe this time he's realised he loves me ... never happened! 'No Pain No Gain' is a great way of putting it, had I just gone through the initial painful stage I would not have endured 3 years of it. But one day I did have enough, never ever picked up that phone again and concentrated on myself. I have met a nice caring guy who treats me equally and with respect and hey my ex is still just treating girls badly and cheating on them all the time. I urge you PLEASE DO NOT CALL HIM! He dumped you and if he really wants you back he will prove it and fight for you x
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (1 September 2011):
 I wouldn't call him either. You don't seen able to be friends with him (not yet at least) - accept that. If his sister asks, tell her that. That you still have feelings for him and in order to get over him, you need to not be around him/talk to him.
You certainly do not have to be his "friend".
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A
female
reader, iloveblue  +, writes (1 September 2011):
 You are actually on the right track of cutting all ties with him to heal yourself. Remember the saying, no pain no gain? Well, break-ups are applicable to this saying. No matter how sweet and tempting it is to speak to your ex, you do not know what suffering it will still give you later. If you endure all the pain now and forget rekindling a relationship that's not worth saving, you will gain in the future. The soonest you cut contact, the sooner you will heal.Just take a look at the people who write to dear cupid ( I did also before about my ex). The ones who did not listen and keep communicating with an ex are still writing here after months or years after the break-up. Until now, they are trapped in their situation that has become even worse than when they broke up with their exes. But look at the ones who totally cut ties, now they advise people and are in new relationships or are happy being on their own now. I am also one of them, I just gathered the courage to finally cut contact. And I really love that I did! (Wished i cut ties on day 1)Love yourself above all and save yourself from suffering. Best of luck.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (1 September 2011):
 Cindy's right. And you did the right thing by cutting off contact and moving on.
I suggest you take it a step further and not keep track of him either. He dumped you, and his interest in keeping you around as a friend isn't a hope that you two will be back together.
Right now, your ex is hedging his bets. Not that romantic, eh? He wants to keep you close in case things don't work out well with other women. That kinda sounds like you're getting a really raw deal! You are strung along by him to keep around and "love" as a friend with no strings attached, but you can bet he'll drop you if something better comes along. Why did he break up with you in the first place? And I'm not talking about the whole flowery "I need to find myself" crap, I mean the real reason?
You need to be free to get to the point of not missing him. You need to be free of the feeling of being rejected. In your case, it's in your hands whether this guy's breaking up with you will turn into a year of useless pining and wounded self-esteem, or whether you open your heart to the possibility of someone cherishing you completely. It's not your ex.
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A
female
reader, chick989 +, writes (1 September 2011):
he's being unfair to you. my ex did this to me - speaking to my sister, it's a way of him getting into your head. as long as you're in contact you'll never get over him. tell him to stop playing games and to leave you alone x
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (1 September 2011):
 Don't call him. First, if you do you'll never get over him, how are you going to heal if you are always picking at the scabs?:)
Second, HE broke up with you, he knew he was risking losing you altogether, it's not mandatory staying friends with an ex, some people can't and won't, so I bet that, regardless what he says to his sisters, he is far from surprised by your silence.
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A
female
reader, lilgirly  +, writes (1 September 2011):
 your life,your choice...
but if i were you,i wouldn't call,he broke up with you,didn't he?
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