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Hi all, I live in Europe - 3 different countries in the past 40 years. Medically qualified. I'm no longer so young and have seen a bit of life and the world. First relationship of 24 years shattered by (his) drug & alcohol problems in the rock and roll world. Two grown-up children. Married late, unbeknown to me to a gay guy. Now divorced. Suffered depression and heart problems, but am now healthy and have been working with a PR company for over 10 years. I received some great advice from this site and just want to help others. I am currently in a loving, stable relationship with a really good man.

12Next > [2 pages, 55 answers]

I want to stop obsessing over my work mate, as she is taken, but I don't know how!

Q.   I am hugely attracted to a work friend and its at the stage where I am driving myself crazy second guessing every word I've said to her and every text I've ever sent. I know it will never work out but I can't stop myself thinking about h...

A.   5 May 2007: I am so sorry for you, but truth is, it will not work out. It will hurt, but please forget her and look for love elsewhere. She is probably lapping up your attention while in a safe relationship and your colleagues obviously know. She has not shown ... (read in full...)

As a guy, all i would need is reassurance from the girl that she understand it is going to be painful for her, but she wants to do it with me and trusts me for that. Haven't really been able to find such a girl yet and all the pressure mounts on to m

Q.   I read a question earlier about the nervousness of the girl over the pain she has to face when losing virginity. Sometimes, it gets so nervous that she would constrict herself so that nothing can enter inside her. Now this are the reflexes of a ...

A.   5 May 2007: Losing virginity does not have to be painful. This is a myth. If your girlfriend is in love and /or sexually excited, she will be happy with your attentions. If she is "dry" and nervous, she is not ready for sex and you are wise to leave her alone. ... (read in full...)

Bf has anorexic porn on the computer! How do I talk to him about this?

Q.   I recently discovered pornography on my computer that I share with my boyfriend. I don't have a problem with pornography but I was shocked by the kind of porn it was. The women and men were all anorexic, skinny and emaciated. Some of the photos were ...

A.   14 February 2007: I agree with Dollparts. Just ask him straight out what that stuff is doing on your computer. As you say you share this PC, he should not be surprised that you have discovered these pics, and you have every right to be angry and shocked. You also ... (read in full...)

Wanted: Your feedback and ideas for DearCupid... !

Q.   Hi I'm looking for your feedback and ideas for DearCupid. Either reply to this thread or send me a private mail :-) Got an idea for a new feature? Want to tell me what works well? What's not up to scratch? If you're in the UK hope you're n...

A.   14 February 2007: Hi Andrew, this is a great site and you are doing a wonderful job. Keep it up! There are so many good suggestions, I have nothing new to add. Just one little vote - please no chat-rooms. Thanks.... (read in full...)

Do vitamins help with erection problems???

Q.   Lately I have been having erection problems and I am only 25. I just started taking vitamins 3 days ago and they seem to be helping. Does anyone know what vitamin might be helping me? Or if a vitamin deficiency could cause something like this?...

A.   7 February 2007: Take an honest look at your lifestyle. At 25, you may still be in studies or just starting your career - don't know, only guessing. Too much stress or too much party-life will dim your libido. Be kind to yourself. As the other posters say, get a ... (read in full...)

Worried about panic attacks when I'm flying...

Q.   hi ya can anyone help me. i suffer from bad panic attacks, and i am going away on tuesday and iam shitting myself about been closed in on my flight. dont get me wrong i have flown loads of times but since two years ago when my panic attacks started ...

A.   7 February 2007: Hi there, we don't have much time to get you sorted before you fly so I can't recommend therapy at this stage, or breathing exercises but look into it to get your attacks under your control in the future. Then get yourself plenty of BALDRIAN... (read in full...)

He left a naughty note for me, but his mum found it. Help!!

Q.   i gave my boyfriend a JOKINGLY naughty note like i totally didnt mean any of it and he knew that and he took it jokingly. because we both agreed to no sex before we're married. and he accidently left the note on his kitchen table and his mom found ...

A.   14 January 2007: Hello love, there is your first mistake. Don't be afraid to talk to your future Mum-in-law. You are very young to be thinking of marriage but if that's what you and your boy want, then go for it. But go for it in peace, take his Mum some candy or ... (read in full...)

The girl I have feelings for has a bf and is moving away! I want to tell her my feelings. What should I do?

Q.   There's a girl I've known through college for over a year now and am pretty good friends with. I realised some time ago that I liked her, but I didn't persue this as she was, and is, with another guy. In that time, she's grown on me and I've now got ...

A.   4 January 2007: So you are e-mailing us, why not e-mail her? You say you are pretty good friends with her, so just say you would like to keep in touch. Why not? That is what friends do. You know, just keep her up to date on college stuff and all that. Maybe a ... (read in full...)

I want a threesome w/ my fiance's best friend, but my fiance is jealous and possessive. Should I just get over my feelings?

Q.   My partner and I have recently got engaged, bought a house and have finally decided to settle down after many years of playing the field. We have been together for a year now and I have so far felt that this is the last man I will ever be with. ...

A.   4 January 2007: So you played the field and then wanted to settle down with the man of your dreams, bought a house, engaged etc. Now you wonder why your fiance has a problem with that? Girl, you are not ready for marriage. Jealousy at this point? No wonder, poor ... (read in full...)

My future son in law gambled all his money away. We had an argument over it, but I want to keep the peace. Help!

Q.   Please help urgently if you can.. My daughters fiance and I had a big argument today. He thinks he is in the right,and I know I am in the right.He was drinking all day at the casino and lost all his money,while my daughter went shopping.They ar...

A.   4 January 2007: I agree that you should have a quiet word with your daughter to ask if she is happy and okay to be engaged to a person like this. Try to stay as calm and controlled as you can though it may not be easy. Important thing to remember is not to say too ... (read in full...)

I'm worried to sleep with my boyfriend because I'm worried about how my labia minora's look!!

Q.   I need your advice, im 17 and thinking about sleeping with my bf for the first time. the problem is im really embarressed as i have large labia minora's that hang down outside the lips of my vagina. Im really insecure about them and i dont know what ...

A.   4 January 2007: You are confusing the labia minora with the labia majora. The majora are supposed to be big and hanging outside the body to protect the entrances to the urethra, vagina and the clitoris - they keep bacteria out. The minora are much smaller and ... (read in full...)

Why do many females, that have been raped--become sexually active after this crime agianst them?

Q.   Look Im at with young females so they ask me this question " Why does female became very sexaulity active after they been rape. So can someone please answer that question for me....

A.   30 December 2006: Dr Pete writes well. Women bind the act of intimacy, loving and being wanted probably closer to the sexual act than men do, though goodness knows that may be a stereotype dead and gone with the dinosaurs from the correspondance on this site. After... (read in full...)

My past pain with the first wife is ruining my second marriage! What can I do?

Q.   when my first wife first started seeing other men my so called best mates tried to cover things up to the point they would go out of their way to take me out so she could be with her lover the two people were my best mates or so i thought when i ...

A.   30 December 2006: Hi Alan50, Miss Irish49 has said it all so well. Forget and move on, get professional help if you must. My ex was unfaithful and for ages after the separation and divorce, friends (ha!) and neighbours would call to let me know what he was up to an... (read in full...)

My past pain with the first wife is ruining my second marriage! What can I do?

Q.   when my first wife first started seeing other men my so called best mates tried to cover things up to the point they would go out of their way to take me out so she could be with her lover the two people were my best mates or so i thought when i ...

A.   30 December 2006: Hi Alan50, Miss Irish49 has said it all so well. Forget and move on, get professional help if you must. My ex was unfaithful and for ages after the separation and divorce, friends (ha!) and neighbours would call to let me know what he was up to an... (read in full...)

He says he's gay and can't love me the way I want him to...how do I get over him?

Q.   Dear Cupid, Im in love with my best friend. He says he is gay but I think he is bisexual. He is always around me, calls me all the time, texts me everyday and when I hang out with him.. he plays with my hair and kind of flirts. He also wa...

A.   30 December 2006: Hallo dear, you poor thing. I've known gay guys like this. In his own way, he probably "loves" you but that's meant in the way of being friends. More than likely, being gay, he sees himself as your "girlfriend" but not in any romantic or sexual way. ... (read in full...)

SITE NEWS: Happy Xmas to everyone, from DearCupid!

Q.   It has been a busy year here at DearCupid! We celebrated our 2nd birthday in November and had our 20,000th question and 70,000th answer published... Thanks to everyone who contributes to the site: Those who ask questions, those who answer, and ...

A.   30 December 2006: Merry Christmas to everyone! Thanks for this site, Andrew! I have been away working so apologies when I only check in every month or so. In 2 weeks I'm off working in Berlin. Groan. I might be needing you all again soon. The bf is in Australia and ... (read in full...)

PMS problems..are bothering me! Has anyone got any ideas on how to cope?

Q.   Lately I have had a very umpleasant premenstural symdrome,before I only had a headache 2 or 3 days and felt tired now I also get swollen and suffer from a lor of breast tenderness which makes me feel very uncomfortable without my bra. I start ...

A.   29 October 2006: Hi! You have to find a maagement programme for your PMS. I suffered badly as a teenager. I have just brought my 2 daughters through this - one suffers badly, the other hardly at all. If it is really bad, you should talk to your Mom and also you... (read in full...)

I can't compliment his penis now

Q.   Help please. My partner has somehow got it in to his head that I am not satified with his male anatomy. He believes this because I haven't specifically commented on his anatomy directly over the course of our relationship. I have always told him ...

A.   29 October 2006: I agree with Jadzial, give his piece a name. I was married for 24 years and my ex never needed or expected this. Since my divorce, I have a new boyfriend for 2 years and he loves me to name his penis. When we are apart, I text or mail an extra kiss ... (read in full...)

He is very controlling!

Q.   ive got problems with my relationship - there are trust issues from my boyfriends side and he is now constantly questioning me and checking up on me by ringing my phone sometimes every hour asking the same questions - a month ago things got so bad ...

A.   5 August 2006: Hi, I can only confirm what all the others have said. This is an abusive man, whatever his reasons and he will not change unless he admits that he has a problem not you, and after 13 years and a smashed phone this is not likely, is it? You are being ... (read in full...)

My girl is just sooooo annoying!

Q.   I have been with my girlfriend for over 8 months now and after about 5 months ish i have found her more annoying than when i first met her. Just little things like how she speaks and how she acts around her mum etc make me cringe and annoy me. ...

A.   5 August 2006: Here are some suggestions. What are your hobbies? Does your GF share them, if not why not? Can you share hers? Can you find a sport you both like to follow in the newspapers, radio or TV? Play a sport together, eg basketball, frisbee or badminton. ... (read in full...)

My fiance dropped a bombshell on me. I want to talk about it, but he doesn't! What can we do?

Q.   My fiance and I have been together for 11 years (but only engaged for about 2). He's a professional athlete and travels quite a bit for his career, which I've never minded, as I've always supported him and his career. At the beginning of July, he ...

A.   5 August 2006: You poor girl, still here's my advice for what it's worth. Now is the time to take a deep breathe and step back. He has dropped his bombshell, he needs distance so please now give it to him or you will lose him. Normally I would be the first to ... (read in full...)

Should my friend's history with relationships be considered when I only want her as my child's godparent?

Q.   I have a very annoying problem and wondered if you could give me some advice anyone? My partner and I are trying to sort our baby daughters christening and are arguing over choice of godparents. I want my best friend who I have known for 26 years...

A.   3 August 2006: I think in this case the only important thing to be considered is her consistent and true friendship to you along with her obvious love of the child. I think she would be a wonderful godmother based on what you have written so far. Being a godpar... (read in full...)

I am just depressed all the time about my marriage

Q.   hi i need to talk to someone, i hate being married all i've done for the past four years is look after my father in law no one likes me. It like i'm just part of the furniture in the house. I've cried and cried to my husband but he wo'nt do ...

A.   3 August 2006: Allright! Now listen to me you girls! You have a choice: full-time care of elderly realtives is a back-breaking, emotionally-ripping job. Either you do it for love. Fine carry on. Or you do it because you are under pressure from family: thi... (read in full...)

Will I ever fall in love again?

Q.   My ex split with me for someone else over a year ago now and Im still single. This is through choice as Ive had loads of chances with different guys but for some reason I feel numb towards men and cant fancy them. At first, I expected to feel...

A.   3 August 2006: You are perfectly normal, it's all ok. You got hurt. You needed time to recover from that and people are different in how long that takes. I am so sorry that I cannot be wise or scientific but love is a strange thing. It will not come if you want it ... (read in full...)

Can he get in trouble for getting me pregnant?

Q.   I am a 17 year old who is dating a 20 year old, and I want to know if he can get in trouble if he got me pregnant, if my mom knew we were having sex?...

A.   3 August 2006: Depends on your nationality. Most countries say that sex at 16 is okay. Your mom might not agree with that though! In the Western world both of you are old enough to either buy contraception (condoms) or get a prescription from a doc. Use them. ... (read in full...)

I am just depressed all the time about my marriage

Q.   hi i need to talk to someone, i hate being married all i've done for the past four years is look after my father in law no one likes me. It like i'm just part of the furniture in the house. I've cried and cried to my husband but he wo'nt do ...

A.   3 August 2006: Hi lovely, you poor thing. As Dr. Psyche said, please talk to your doctor. Being a full-time carer is very hard. There should be a scheme available to provide your father-in-law with a part-time carer or social services to give you some time off. ... (read in full...)

He controls my life and treats me like something he scraped off his shoe, but I always come back!

Q.   Dear Cupid, I'm 18 years old and have been seeing my boyfriend on and off for two years. At the beginning of the relationship things were great but then about 10 months ago we split up as I decided to end the relationship as he started becoming ...

A.   31 July 2006: Get out of this situation as soon as he gets back from Amsterdam, if not sooner. Bev and Martini have already given you the best advice. Use it, please! Respect yourself. I too was in a similar relationship, just like Bev. You put up with it for y... (read in full...)

Just dumped by my first boyfriend. What do I do now?

Q.   Hi, I am 15 and my boyfriend has just dumped me and I don't know what to do. I am really up set about it. He was my first boyfriend as well, so can any one help me? If you can, I will be very happy. ...

A.   20 July 2006: Please don't worry or make yourself too unhappy about this. You are in your teens and this is your transition between childhood and being an adult. You will have other boyfriends I am sure. But your teen years are like a training ground for your ... (read in full...)

What are women's favourite sexual positions?

Q.   What's a womens favourite position?? I know it depends on the girl but in general what is it. Like is there better positions for different moods i.e romantic evening = missionary!! that type of thing. And also with oral, finger included yes...

A.   20 July 2006: You got it right first time. It depends on the girl. It also depends on the relationship. Is it really a loving thing or just sex-based? There really is no right answer to this question. Start with petting, try for some oral but don't try to push ... (read in full...)

Thinking about sex, or even contraception, makes me physically ill!

Q.   Hi, I have this problem and I was hoping if you guys could help me out. I'm a 14 years old girl and afraid of sex. When I have sex education at school and we are disscusing the different types of contraceptives it makes me feel physically sick. Is ...

A.   20 July 2006: You are 14 and not yet physically and mentally ready for sex. So forget it. Say NO if a bf tries something. Listen, you do not have to have sex if you don't want it. You are normal for your age. Enjoy your life and stop worrying. Your menstrual ... (read in full...)

My husband thinks i'm having it off with a Priest!!

Q.   My husband hates the fact I am friendly with our parish priest. He has gone into a rage cos he saw me talking to him in the town and accused me of sleeping with him. I like the priest as a friend and feel nothing towards him in a sexual way. In my ...

A.   20 July 2006: I have thought about this a lot before I answered your post. I think maybe your husband is just jumping to the sexual infidelity attack because he fears what you might have said to the priest. You confess to your priest too, right? I am just ... (read in full...)

I think I masturbate too much...

Q.   Hi, I'm 26 and although I've had relationships I find I seem to enjoy maturbation more than everything else. It's got to the point now where I masturbate whenever I'm alone and have an erection. I know it' normal to pleasure yourself but I would li...

A.   18 July 2006: What is your problem? It's your body. You are hurting no-one, cheating on no-one. You are capable of relationships. You are normal, perhaps with a higher sex drive than some others. Don't worry about it. In fact, if you are not in a relationship at ... (read in full...)

Even by my third try, sex still hurts!

Q.   I've had sex 3 times and every time hurt just as much as the first time but I was just as nervous as the first time also. Is this normal or is this something I should have checked out?...

A.   18 July 2006: You poor thing, sex should not be painful. First thing, do not agree to have sex unless you really want it and feel relaxed about it. Obviously, you are going to be nervous next time as it has hurt up to now. Try using a lubricating cream and be ... (read in full...)

What can I do with my pubes?

Q.   Was with my girl last week and she suggested I do something different with my pubic hair. I have never even thought of doing so. I play sport so there's showers afterwards so I can't do anything too "rad". Any suggestions from men and women on what ...

A.   18 July 2006: You could do the Brazilian, which is not too rad. This means cutting back your pubes into one thin vertical line. I do not recommend shaving. The hairs grow back too quickly and itch like mad. Use hair-removing creams but please test for allergies ... (read in full...)

I got his personal number, but he still hasn't gotten back to me!

Q.   oh, im so happy!!! I recently went to see a band, who i admire so much, they all are very talented and passionate. After the gig i got talking to the lead singer and we had a blast of a time. He's american and im british, and we talked so much. ...

A.   18 July 2006: Believe me, dear girl, this is the voice of experience in the rock'n'roll world. This man probably likes you very much. The phone number means something, but he doesn't have the phone now does he? Bands on tour are always busy and never have time. ... (read in full...)

What is he trying to say?

Q.   I've been talking to this guy for a few weeks now. And he's told me previously that he thinks I'm pretty, and that he'd like to feel me up. A local club holds an under 18's night, where he goes regularly, my friends go too and I'm planning on ...

A.   18 July 2006: Be careful, please. A lot of kids think this is a fun thing to do. If that is what you want and you like the idea, then you go for it. You can have an evening getting snogged and touched up by strange boys, none of whom want a relationship with you. ... (read in full...)

Are we moving too slow?

Q.   I have a boyfriend who I have been going out with for about 3 and a half months. We are both unexperianced and I haven't even had my first kiss. I love him so much, but are we going to slow with the relationship? Please help me....

A.   18 July 2006: It's your relationship, and take it at the pace that pleases both of you. No-one else matters. Three and a half months together shows you have things in common, can talk and enjoy being together. He may be holding back from kissing you out of ... (read in full...)

My first time and he has a big penis....Any suggestions??

Q.   I'm 16 and my boyfriend is the most amazing person in the entire world i love him so much. We've been together on and off for the past 9 months or so, and the time has finally come for us to have sex. I'm not nervous at all as we know eachother ...

A.   17 July 2006: Wait a minute, 9 inches is normal not oversized - that is point one. Second, who on earth has convinced you that your first time must be painful and that you will bleed? This is not necessarily so. Your body is built to push an 8 pound baby out - ... (read in full...)

Shall I tell him I love him?

Q.   Dear Cupid, I recently met this guy, about a month ago. And I got to know him and he's a nice, decent and funny guy. He said he's never had experience with love before. He also shuns vulgar actions and behaviour from girls and guys as well. An...

A.   17 July 2006: This sounds like a lovely, sweet relationship. Cherish this for now. I recommend you hold back on the big L word for a while longer. One month is such a short time. Keep sending him positive messages, like how kind and good he is. Some men are a bit ... (read in full...)

Why does she hate sex with me?!?!

Q.   my wife and i have been together for 12 years. we love each other very much so. she loves everthing about me, well almost. we love spending time together, cuddling, just everything we do we enjoy it both together. when it comes time to make love she ...

A.   17 July 2006: Good grief! That must have been devastating for you to hear that! I think you should have a quiet, calm loving talk with your wife and ask her to have some therapy with you. You do not mention that she feels pain, so there may not be a physical ... (read in full...)

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