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male
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*LEEDING HEART
writes: my wife and i have been together for 12 years. we love each other very much so. she loves everthing about me, well almost. we love spending time together, cuddling, just everything we do we enjoy it both together. when it comes time to make love she hates it. we fight everytime about it. she tells me that she wants to be able to enjoy it with me but she wont do anything about it.she has looked me in my eyes while having sex and has told me that she flat out hates having sex with me.what do i do? what the heck is going on here? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, jezibelinhell +, writes (17 July 2006):
 Has she changed much physically over the years? I know a few women that have gained alot of weight and lost all their self-confidence as a result. It may not be you at all.
A
female
reader, Granny +, writes (17 July 2006):
 Good grief! That must have been devastating for you to hear that! I think you should have a quiet, calm loving talk with your wife and ask her to have some therapy with you. You do not mention that she feels pain, so there may not be a physical condition behind it. It is so hard to speculate, but she may have had a rotten experience with sex before you or been conditioned by family/religion to regard sex as a bad thing, which she has buried in her memories and is far too ashamed to talk about. You need experts to help you find out why she hates sex so much, working with you both on a personal level. You have been together for 12 years, so there must be a lot of love in the relationship and it is a credit to you that you have written to us, instead of cheating on her and not giving a damn about her feelings. But you obviously do care.
However, be prepared for all possible answers before you ask the question of why she hates sex so much. Therapy might bring something like childhood abuse to light, which would explain the problem but not change her attitude to being intimate with you. Could you still love her and cherish her as you do now?
I wish the both of you all the very best wishes.
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