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Why do many females, that have been raped--become sexually active after this crime agianst them?

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Question - (29 December 2006) 10 Answers - (Newest, 14 January 2010)
A male age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Look Im at with young females so they ask me this question " Why does female became very sexaulity active after they been rape. So can someone please answer that question for me.

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A female reader, p.gurl United States +, writes (14 January 2010):

To this question many rape victims may heal faster then others. Me beening a victim myself I am very timid about having sex.I guess it all just depends on the female.. I hope I answered this question good enough.

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A male reader, OwHiTeLiOnO United States +, writes (25 April 2008):

OwHiTeLiOnO agony auntThis is the deal. Young girls feel that they cannot express themselves sexually because they will be considered a whore. School & parents try to impose that they should be virgins & fear is implanted into their mind. When they get raped, besides physically being forced, mentally & spiritually it just knocks down all those walls that were put up inside of them by all these people that supposedly were protecting them, but then they feel the energy & the pleasure, its a whole new level of existence & life that they experience that was prohibited for so long, so why stop?


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A female reader, willywombat United Kingdom +, writes (20 January 2007):

willywombat agony auntFemale anon below, that is a good point and one that I had never considered before. Redressing the balance....becoming the instigator rather than a victim....

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2007):

I am a woman who has never expereinced sex being enjoyable and does not expect to. But I have given a lot of enjoyment.

I have seen that a lot of sex victims both men and women become sexually active. Unless the person has lost their sense of worth and has accepted that they are just a "f**k" and no longer a human being I would see it as redressing the balance and being the "pro-active" person in sex, instead of the passive victim. Recently a "Dungeon Sad Masochist Master" was profiled on TV. I was not surprised at the end when it turned out he had been the victim of a vicious rape when he was young. Another world reknown porn queen who held the record for the greatest number of f**ks in a row was a victim of a gang rape when a young student.

I have not been abused, but i found sex to be awful and painful and aggressive. My firtst attempts at redressing the balance was rejected and I was called "whore" and "filthy rags" at the suggestion it could be better.

I have been sexually pro=-ctive so I am in charge not them.

Recently i had a marvellous boyfriend who was interested (at the age of 44) I could not respond no matter what he did. I am totally "shut-down" I can give and give you the wildest night of your dreams. But for myself I expect and get nothing. You may as well be thumping me in the face.

But I still love and I still feel sexual. Even though I do not enjoy sex.

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A female reader, willywombat United Kingdom +, writes (30 December 2006):

willywombat agony auntPete is actually spot on. I have studied rape as both a psychologist AND as a survivor. Initially (with the benefit of hindsite) I viewed sex as a 'means to an end' and not a 'valuable' in a relationship as I had previously, although I never became highly promiscuous. I was 15 when I was assaulted and if I had not had the family and therapy that I had I would not be the normal and well balanced (?although that is an opinion not held by everyone??!!) individual that I try to be now. I also work voluntarily with rape survivors and for the Samaritans, and from anecdotal evidence find many women cannot face the sex act for a long time after being violated. It is the intimacy and fear of loss of control which is very often the worse thing, along with the 'does he blame me?' feelings.

I could go on for hours but won't for the sake of everyone's sanity. But read what Pete has said again, he is well-informed and is not inflammatory about this subject

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A female reader, Granny +, writes (30 December 2006):

Granny agony auntDr Pete writes well. Women bind the act of intimacy, loving and being wanted probably closer to the sexual act than men do, though goodness knows that may be a stereotype dead and gone with the dinosaurs from the correspondance on this site.

After such violence and aggression in rape, a girl feels dirty, hurt and blemished, abused and diminished. Her self-esteem is destroyed. She needs to feel "Am I still attractive?" or "Am I still lovable?" Sometimes, looking for sex as a means of feeling attractive again is the only way for some. This may apply equally to male rape as female rape. I have never seen any research. Has anyone else?

I can hardly imagine how a raped man must feel. However, as a victim, you see the rape itself as a violent act. Not a sex act per se. Therefore, some victims chose love-making - note the difference please, or maybe just sex for fun as turning a horror negative into a positive.

There's also the element of choice. Rape victims never choose to be victims but by being sexually active afterwards, they feel that the are asserting their personality onto their partners, thereby regaining control of something that has been horrifically taken away. Just another way of trying to build up broken self-esteem. Hope this answers your questions.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2006):

That is not quite true. I actually spent some time with a colleage 2 weeks ago who completed her PhD thesis on Rape and now has several published papers and lectures on this very subject around the world, I too have researched this subject for a number of years.

The question of a women who has been raped or sexually abused increasing in their promiscuity is a very complex one. It is true that some women do become highly premiscuious and engage in sexual activities that they would ordinarily not have chosen to do.

However, there is also a signifigant number of women who react in the opposite way, and hold sex and physical intimacy to be very special and will only ever express it within the context of a very loving relationship. There are a number of explanations that argue why a particular women will react in a particular way, but mainly it comes down to childhood development, your self-esteem the rape and your attitute towards sex and intimacy prior to the rape.

To answer your question though; nearly all women who are raped have one predominant emotion going through their minds as it is happening to them; the fear of death. They then experience consequent feelings of disgust, guilt and blame. Most people usually associate sex with love, that is why we have monogamous relationships, we're brought up by our parents and in a society, that, on the whole, supports such an ideal.

Rape however removes love and affection from the physical act, and so women who have been raped will no longer, for a time at least see that association. Their guilt also plays a big influence in the choices they make that leads them to be promiscuous. They tend to believe they "deserved" to be raped. Women who do not value themselves, nor their bodies are generally most promiscuous for this reason, if you feel dirty and used, you tend to feel that casual sex, or being used and abused by men is all you're worth. Drugs and alcohol also play a huge role in sexual promiscuity, many women who are raped use either or both that increase their chances of being in risky situations. It is an incredably sad fact that women who are emotionally or physically abused as children who grow up to lack a properly developed self-confidence are most likely to be raped as a teenager or adult; it is also tragic that many women who are raped once are actually raped again because they put themselves in such dangerous situations with regards to bad men and intoxication from drugs and alcohol. It is also true that child abuse in females also prematurely starts puberty early; similarly so does the lack of a strong father figure in a female childs life and early puberty massively increases a teenage girls chance of harmful negative experiences.

If you are asking this question because your partner or a friend has been raped I recommend "Recovering from Rape" by Linda Ledray. This book explains very clearly and well what goes through the minds of someone who is raped, it also deals with the psychology of the rapist and why the act for them is about power and not sex. It also talks about the medical implications, and also the law. It discusses ways of tackling problems that both the women who is raped has, and her partner or family.

Rape and child sexual abuse are horrifically bad but many survivors of rape become to be remarkably strong and manage to put everything that happened behind them. It's a long and difficult journey, but I've seen it done before.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2006):

It is true- if a girl is raped then the chances that she becomes sexually active at a young age or become promiscuous are higher. My best friend was raped at 13 and has, in 6yrs, slept with an excess of 40 men.To her its like kissing. And she has told me numerous amounts of times that she wants to stop b ut doesnt know how- and no she doesnt ever even enjoy the sex.

It just messes with your mind, completely destroys your feelings of self worth, and your idea of 'normality'. You begin to think that this treatment from men is normal, and therefore accept sex as a part of knowing any man: therefore not able to say no and willing to give it up to any guy who asks. Its a horrible consequence of any sexual abuse.

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A female reader, pica +, writes (30 December 2006):

Do they? Please give us your source. I'm expecting university-level research here by the way.

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A female reader, Ne'cee +, writes (29 December 2006):

Ne'cee agony auntI was molested at the age of 10-12. I became sexually active at the age of 14. I feel that is because now we feel like we want to be excepted, we want to feel needed and some way we start to feel protected by the guy while we are with them. Truly no one can answer the question why......Im now 21 and I cant explain why, I just did. Sorry If I have not been too helpful, but women who have been taken advantage of feel vulnerable and and really are looking for security in all the wrong places in all the wrong ways.

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