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... Send *evastated2008 a private message | | | *evastated2008's profile:I am not qualified to help anyone, but God is. I can give my opinion, advice, or share my experience but its up to the receipient to decide what is useful. My experience is wide and varied... and overall I am mostly at peace (with occassional lapses) and I owe that to God and what He provides me.
I am a Christian and believe in a literal translation of the Bible as the inspired word of God. This site has many variations of beliefs so if you don't like my answer I am sure if you look you'll find the answer you want to hear.
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G/f doesn't like sex!
Q. My girlfriend of almost a year now has recently told me that she doesn't like sex. She enjoys having orgasms but is never in the mood to have sex. When I pressed her for more information she told me that she thinks instead of having sex we could be ...
A. 3 September 2009: I have been thinking about your issue and want to add to my previous post.
The reason I said it was a deal breaker is because, right now its a manageable problem, down the road after anger and bitterness sets in for you... and it will because ... (read in full...)
How do you fall out of love?
Q. This is more of a discussion question than problem, but i've been thinking about it and would like some opinions. What is love, and can you fall out of love?...
A. 3 September 2009: My opinion... romantic love has many forms.
I believe that love is a bond that is created by meeting the needs of the other person. The more needs the other person meets the stronger the bond, the bond is strengthen over time as trust and assu... (read in full...)
He changed his pet name for me -- am I overthinking this?
Q. I know that this question is ridiculous -- I'm embarrassed to ask my friends because I understand how silly it sounds. But the guy I've been dating for a little while has suddenly stopped calling me "sexy" and now calls me "baby" exclusively. We ...
A. 3 September 2009: Code Warrior is probably right... we women like to over-analyze EVERYTHING... of course I do believe men are often more driven emotionally than they think...only difference is they don't know it. Its true, they definitely do not see any subtle ... (read in full...)
G/f doesn't like sex!
Q. My girlfriend of almost a year now has recently told me that she doesn't like sex. She enjoys having orgasms but is never in the mood to have sex. When I pressed her for more information she told me that she thinks instead of having sex we could be ...
A. 3 September 2009: You can sympathize with her past history of abuse, but don't allow it to be a cop-out for dealing with the issue. You would not be doing either you or her a favor by settling. You will eventually (and probably already) resent not having your ... (read in full...)
We had an affair, he's divorcing his wife but what will others think of us?
Q. In Jan 2009 I moved across Canada to do my student teaching practicum in a small town. for the most part most of the other tacherswere really nice to me and I made alot of great friends. With in a few months of teaaching I started having an affiar ...
A. 3 September 2009: Speaking as a betrayed spouse... I disagree with many of the postings. Yes the marriage was in trouble or struggling prior to the affair or he wouldn't have been vulnerable to a relationship with you... but to say that the affair is not the cause ... (read in full...)
He changed his pet name for me -- am I overthinking this?
Q. I know that this question is ridiculous -- I'm embarrassed to ask my friends because I understand how silly it sounds. But the guy I've been dating for a little while has suddenly stopped calling me "sexy" and now calls me "baby" exclusively. We ...
A. 3 September 2009: I think it means he now sees you as a "keeper"... baby brings up images of protectiveness, caretaking, love, nurturing and committment. (Assuming it is said affectionately and not derogatorily.) In the beginning he was likely seeing you prima... (read in full...)
Will the guilt over cheating on my girlfriend ever subside?
Q. I have been with my girlfriend for 8 years now and I truly love her. She is the girl of my dreams and she feels the same about me. The thing is I cheated on her about 3 years ago with one of her friends. I really don’t know why I did it as I was ...
A. 1 September 2009: I wasn't intending to make you paranoid, but sometimes we do things before we realize our underlying motive.
In your original post I didn't pickup on the fact that so many people know... affair partner and your friends. You're walking on dangerou... (read in full...)
Will the guilt over cheating on my girlfriend ever subside?
Q. I have been with my girlfriend for 8 years now and I truly love her. She is the girl of my dreams and she feels the same about me. The thing is I cheated on her about 3 years ago with one of her friends. I really don’t know why I did it as I was ...
A. 1 September 2009: I meant to ask... you didn't post anonymously. Why? are you hoping she will discover and give you an excuse to come clean? Or does she not know you are online and this is dangerous secretive territory that you are playing with? Just wo... (read in full...)
I'm 10 weeks pregnant and very worried about childbirth! Has anyone got any advice?
Q. Hello.. This isent a relationship question but i need a little reasurance!! Im 10 weeks pregnant with my first child and all of a sudden ive become very scared/worried about childbirth! So hear are some things i want some opinions on... How do peopl...
A. 1 September 2009: I remember with every birth an almost claustrophobic feeling when the reality that there was a baby in there and IT HAD TO COME OUT SOMETIME, really set in. Its a real panicky feeling.
With my first, I really didn't want an epidural (fear of... (read in full...)
Will the guilt over cheating on my girlfriend ever subside?
Q. I have been with my girlfriend for 8 years now and I truly love her. She is the girl of my dreams and she feels the same about me. The thing is I cheated on her about 3 years ago with one of her friends. I really don’t know why I did it as I was ...
A. 1 September 2009: Your story really makes me think... I don't know if you should tell or not. If I found out later down the road I would feel like I lived a lie and question EVERYTHING... but the devastation that the betrayed feels is so painful... Anyway you ... (read in full...)
I love her but am no longer IN LOVE with her
Q. Hello, I am no longer in love with my common-law wife. She had a one night stand with someone early in our relationship during an agreed 10 day "break", and also slept with her ex a couple of times. (Although, I must admit, she left that ex for...
A. 31 August 2009: I think you have nailed it..."I have been confused about my wants and values," and I think your wife is right that you would have had this confusion regardless of the past cheating. The cheating is at this point something to blame your confusion ... (read in full...)
Missed opportunity?
Q. Hey all. Okay I met this really cute girl on a night out. Unfortunately she was drunk or at least quite merry ( she couldnt rememeber stuff that happened and hour ago). She kept on asking me any my friend back for a house party which rapidly ap...
A. 31 August 2009: I don't think you are a total idiot...
I think you are someone worth having, someone who has respect enough for himself not to need to exploit a woman for some impulsive sex.
I also think you are a real man and one who can look after a wom... (read in full...)
Should I have sex with him or just keep it at oral?
Q. im thinking about having sex with this guy who is older than me. he is like 26 and im almost 16. we have been planning on getting together soon. should i really go for it or jus keep our relationship at oral?...
A. 31 August 2009: Oral sex is sex. No you should not "go for it". I agree with everyone else... this is absolutely not a healthy okay relationship. He's a pedophile, he's knows how to play girls, and you likely are not the only one... or when you grow up some-you... (read in full...)
We sneak away to be together, shoud I end this?
Q. I started seeing a guy who was already involved with someone about a few years back. So far, He lives with her and secretly comes over to my place. Lately I feel a built guilty and worried she may find out if this persists. We have been able to ...
A. 31 August 2009: Absolutely, I agree with you, and end it quickly.
Good for you, it takes a lot of strength and courage to do the right thing... sometimes we get wrapped up into the craziest things, we know they're wrong but somehow we convince ourselve... (read in full...)
I dumped him but am having second thoughts -- should I contact him?
Q. I met a really nice guy and we 'dated' for about two weeks. He asked me out each time, paid for all dates, was a gentleman. In the two weeks I knew him all we ever did was kiss lightly, no make out, no nothing else, he didn't push my boundaries at ...
A. 31 August 2009: Yes, I think you would be using him to make yourself feel better. Sorry to be so blunt... but I think you have some emotional baggage of your own to deal with.
You latched on to Guy2 so quickly because he "wanted me so bad". You have a very big... (read in full...)
He keeps asking me what I like sexually and I don't know how to answer it!
Q. I'm dating a guy I really like, but he keeps asking a question I don't know how to answer. More than once, he has asked me what I like in bed, or what turns me on, and I really don't know. I've only slept with one guy besides the one I'm currently ...
A. 31 August 2009: He didn't ask you to make your sex life better... he asked what pleases you! You have to take his question exactly the way he said it.
He wants to please you and give you an exciting experience so that it can be mutually fulfilling and meaningf... (read in full...)
I want to be with her all the time but I don't want to stifle her
Q. I am recently married (1 year) after a divorce from a 35 year marriage. I am totally in love with this woman so much so that I am anxious when I am without her, even when she is at work(I am retired). I totally trust her, we have an unbeliev...
A. 31 August 2009: Well it doesn't sound like she is currently feeling stifled. I don't think it hurts to do things together all the time, but this compulsion... well its the compulsion that concerns me. You should be able to have a productive life when she is... (read in full...)
I love her but am no longer IN LOVE with her
Q. Hello, I am no longer in love with my common-law wife. She had a one night stand with someone early in our relationship during an agreed 10 day "break", and also slept with her ex a couple of times. (Although, I must admit, she left that ex for...
A. 30 August 2009: Don't go yet... (and stop looking at other women) I think you need to be honest with her and tell her how you are feeling. I know you don't want to hurt her, but she will be much more hurt if you just go. You say you love her but you're not ... (read in full...)
I feel like I married my father
Q. I am a 29 yr old female with two children. My husband and I have worked hard to get accomplish the American dream. We depend on each others income to maintain and if I leave everything will fall apart. What about my kids? Here’s the thing……. He's ...
A. 30 August 2009: This sounds like a very sad situation to be in... but you say you love him dearly and I admire that greatly. It takes a strong person to be able to see through the pain. You say he is very religious and his criticism has turned you off... so I ... (read in full...)
Is being with a drunk better than being alone?
Q. Hi, I have been in a relationship w/ a man off and on for 9 years. He's cheated in the past, been very emotionally and verbally abusive. Recently, he's been trying to make up for the past, however, he expects me to trust him again overnigh...
A. 29 August 2009: "Is being with a drunk better than being alone"? No, its not... emotionally and it sounds like frequently physically you're alone already. I don't support divorce...YET...but I certainly support taking action (separation). There is no need... (read in full...)
Husband hasn't done anything wrong but I want to leave him
Q. We have been married 22 years, and have three children 20, 17, and 14. I have always wondered if he was the right choice, even before we got married. I was an alcoholic in recovery when we met (I'm still struggling), and it seemed like the right ...
A. 29 August 2009: I rarely ever agree with leaving a marriage unless its the absolute last option and I really don't think you're there yet... you sound like you are discouraged, depressed... emotionally empty? exhausted? I think you need a vacation alone s... (read in full...)
How can I overcome this regret?
Q. You know how everyone goes through life saying...no regrets....well i was like that until i was dealt a regret that im not sure I'll ever be able to live down.. long story short... I became addicted to drugs 6 months after i married the girl i n...
A. 29 August 2009: I don't know if you can ever fully get rid of the regret... but you can learn to except it and forgive yourself. The future and what you do with that regret is what counts. You've been clean for 4 months and that is a wonderful accomplishment. ... (read in full...)
No intimacy in my marriage!
Q. I have been married to my wife for 5 years now. there is no intimacy in our marriage she does not want to have sex, and it is ruining our relationship what should i do, i want to ask her for divorce. or get separated...
A. 28 August 2009: I am sorry to hear that you are so unhappy. Intimacy is very important and you both deserve it. I assume by intimacy that means sex to you... but intimacy is also emotional. Its been my experience that men equate intimacy to sex and women tend to ... (read in full...)
I'm scared to have sex, but he told me there is nothing to be afraid of. Is that true?
Q. this boy i like i told him i loved him and he said he loves me too. i was like omg he loves me, and he sed that he wants sex with me all the time and i said im scaird to and he said thers nothing to be afraid of. is that true i have nothing to be ...
A. 28 August 2009: I am not going to repeat all the precautions about safe sex, although they are very true. I want you to think about how drastically sex changes a relationship. Once sex is introduced especially at your ages, that's all the relationship becomes... ... (read in full...)
She found out about us, but she's crazy, advice please?
Q. my friends girifriend and him have been together for about a 2 years and have a kid on the way. well he has not been happy for a year now, he told me last week she is not atractive and anoying, well just this weekend he and me went to a party and ...
A. 28 August 2009: Stay out of it... you had no business being in it in the first place. If he's unhappy its his responsibility to either fix it or get out... he's not a helpless victim. He obviously cares enough about her to still be with her and to create a ... (read in full...)
Why would a woman who's recently changed her appearance start going out all the time with friends instead of being at home with family?
Q. Why would a married woman of 10 years loose alot of weight and start staying out with her friends rather than come home to her family. She says she hasn't done anything wrong, but in her words "she looks so good she just wants to go out with her ...
A. 28 August 2009: I agree with the posted answers... I would hate for you to conclude she's having an affair however I think there's a distinct possibility that she is looking (or toying with the idea) if she's not already involved. If you want to save your marria... (read in full...)
What is the exact trigger point for an affair in the work place?
Q. Hello there! Just conducting a quick poll amongst those naughty rascals out there who have indulged in an office romance. Not the usual romance. I'm talking the one where both parties are married. For those of you who have experienced this, what ...
A. 28 August 2009: I don't have all the details about my ex's affair, but from what I can piece together... I found old emails from the coworker, the only female in an all male environment where she sent out dirty jokes to all the men... my guess is that she was ... (read in full...)
How can I get my ex to to stop playing with my emotions?
Q. My ex bf publically humiliated me through facebook. He wrote a message so everyone, all his friends etc, could see, making fun of me and putting me down because of my values, such as not drinking, wanting to wait for sex etc. Why would he want to ...
A. 27 August 2009: I am so sorry that your ex has done this to you. It is definitely about him and not you. You should feel proud of your morals and high standards, don't let his abuse change anything about you.
Are you a Christian or are you just making excellen... (read in full...)
I want him to be more romantic!
Q. I have been in this relationship for 8months and a bit and i feel like i do so much stuff for him. latly i have felt so unappreciated and like i dont exist around his friends. its not like him to do this. so i asked him if he could treat me better ...
A. 25 August 2009: Actions, tend to work better than criticism. Continue to be your self with him, loving, sweet and smile... but start doing less and asking for more (but not critically-no tears, whining, evil eyes, ect). If he wants to be with his friends make ... (read in full...)
His ex is a manipulator but he wishes that her and I were friends!
Q. I have been going with my guy for over a year to this day, but yet, I still feel worried about his crazy ex. Yes I know my guy would never cheat on me, but this "bitch" has tried everything in her power to break us up, and gain him back. The worst ...
A. 25 August 2009: Well there is a saying "Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer."
... (read in full...)
Threesome with her virgin friend?
Q. i have have been dating this girl for about a year that i care strongly for and she cares for me the same but i was wondering if it would be okay if we had a threesome with her friend? there is only one thing her friend is a virgin what should i do? ...
A. 25 August 2009: NO! Its not okay!
If you care deeply for your gf why would you even consider this? And the other girl deserves to be in an exclusive loving relationship... where her virginity will be valued.
They both deserve a man that wants to be with them ... (read in full...)
I'm willing to forgive his faults: can this marriage be saved?
Q. I have myself in a bit of a predicament. I have three children and have been married for 14 years. Like all marriages ours have had its ups and downs. We were married young. I was 18 and he was 19. Neither of us had been in a serious ...
A. 25 August 2009: Yeah, it sounds like a very difficult situation you are in. Your question is "I'm willing to forgive his faults; why can't he forgive mine?" In answer to that question... it sounds like he can't "forgive" yours because you are trying to change the ... (read in full...)
I'm 14 and feel like I'm breaking down looking after everyone else!
Q. im 14 and my mum suffers from depression everyonce in awhile she has a breakdown and says she wants to kill herself and cries everyday, she is like this at the moment and my sister has a boyfriend right now so is not helping me to look after her ...
A. 24 August 2009: You don't always have to be strong. I know it seems like if you break down everything will fall apart. Your in a very scary place right and you don't want things to get even worse... but sometimes things have to get a lot worse to get ALOT ... (read in full...)
My wife has been cheating A LOT and I need her to open up to me...Any advice?
Q. Me and my wife have been married 9years.... in that 9years she has cheated on me 5times that i know of... out of the 5times i have decided too get a hold of one of the guys.... me being me i wanted too see what she was acting like.... come too find ...
A. 24 August 2009: I'm not going to tell you to hang in there or to get out... I am definitely pro-marriage but your case makes me question that... But regardless as I have told others look at marriagebuilders.com it has a lot of useful material for marriage in ... (read in full...)
Why this sudden change in his behavior? Personally AND professionally?
Q. Hi all, Please I need your advice and opinion about what I have been through in the last 2 weeks. It is about me and a guy at work. I am so confused it's making me ill. So I have to get this off my chest so prepare your self for lots of details....
A. 21 August 2009: To me it sounds like he is involved in a committed relationship that he apparently values enough to give up his flirtation with you. I can understand your frustration with the situation but you said it was just flirtation not even a relationship s... (read in full...)
I'm worried that our relationship could be considered cheating!
Q. hi ya'll. there's this new guy at work, really cute and really nice + we clicked almost immediately. well we've gotten quite close over the past few weeks and i've really enjoyed getting to know him better. his marriage seems to have hit the rocks ...
A. 21 August 2009: Speaking as someone who has been devastated by a cheating spouse... I would consider it cheating or at the least playing with fire. You have some attraction and you know that he does, so in order to protect your relationship with your boyfriend and ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's parents just got divorced, and I don't have a clue what to say!
Q. my boyfriend's paretns just got divorced . i have no idea what to do or say to him i am cluless . i'll meet him tomorrow please any advice on what to do cause i\m normally the one who runs out when something like this happens cause i never know what ...
A. 21 August 2009: Relax just be there for him and be willing to listen if he wants to talk or willing to provide distraction if he wants to forget about it for a while. It's more important that you show up then anything you say, just your presence will be enough.... (read in full...)
Which of these two men is my better choice?
Q. Pls someone should tell me which of these two men is my better choice? Note: i kinda like both of them. pls dont ignore it isnt sooo long. Man A: physically, Taller than i am and moderately built. He is not handsome and not ugly. He is not workin...
A. 21 August 2009: Maybe you should consider that neither one is THE ONE. Your parents object to Man A and it sounds like some of their objections are valid, but mostly you don't seem into him. Man B, you mostly talk about his money, your parents like him better, ... (read in full...)
How or what can I do to help my friend or show support in his family problem?
Q. I have a friend who I sense is having family issues right now. I know this might be out of my business, but he is someone I care a LOT. He is in his 2nd marriage and I think for what he has told me that he´s happy. The thing is he has 2 kids of 13...
A. 21 August 2009: I am sure this is not what you want to hear but from the sound of things... you need to stay out of his issues. It sounds like you CARE ALOT about him and that sounds like your feelings are not appropriate.
I know you mean well but he's married ... (read in full...)
Should I get divorced?
Q. I've been married for over fifteen years and unhappy with my wife for most of that time. After our son was born she developed depression, and to this day she is a changed person - she's nervous, irritable, she shouts and swears, and she hates ...
A. 20 August 2009: Before you go for divorce go back to that counselling and spill it all... all the anger, resentment, hurt, humiliation, every bit of it. Tell her and your counselor about your lack of willingness to pursue the marriage. Then challenge your wife to ... (read in full...)
Now that we've set a date I'm having doubts!
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 7 years now. We started dating when we were 18 years old. We've now been engaged for about 2 years. Recently, we set our wedding date... March of next year. My problem is this: I've always had fleeting feelings of ...
A. 18 August 2009: If you're having doubts of this magnitude, you really need to separate and stop the marriage. How do you deal with the backlash from friends and family and his hurt? Well... you tell the truth, explain your doubts and let everyone know that he ... (read in full...)
Is a strong sense of love enough for a relationship?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for over a year. He is without a doubt the nicest man I have ever been with, and I think he is the only one that truly loves and cares for me. He has often said that he feels differently about me than anyone else he h...
A. 18 August 2009: I think you are acting more like his mother than his girlfriend. You are doing his work for him, worrying about his problems, and overcompensating by working too much. We women tend to think we are being loving by giving unconditionally, but men ... (read in full...)
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