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... Send *evastated2008 a private message | | | *evastated2008's profile:I am not qualified to help anyone, but God is. I can give my opinion, advice, or share my experience but its up to the receipient to decide what is useful. My experience is wide and varied... and overall I am mostly at peace (with occassional lapses) and I owe that to God and what He provides me.
I am a Christian and believe in a literal translation of the Bible as the inspired word of God. This site has many variations of beliefs so if you don't like my answer I am sure if you look you'll find the answer you want to hear.
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I need help with ending a relationship!
Q. I will be ending an eleven-year relationship. She knows I am considering it, but she is very hopeful I will choose to stay. I care about her and she still feels very strongly for me. When the time comes, is it wrong for me to be there to comfort ...
A. 6 October 2009: I hear your words and I think that much of what you say is what my husband must have felt when he left... especially the frustration even anger ... that the change would happen now... now when you feel you've made a decision... why now?!!! and not ... (read in full...)
I'm falling in love with someone who isn't my wife!
Q. I am so confused. I am married and our sex life doesn't exist, but there is someone else that I want to be with. I am 40 she is 18 and we are very flirty with each other. I don't know if its the lack of sex at home or what but I am finding myself ...
A. 6 October 2009: You have a very real need for sexual fulfillment and meaningful sex. You want fun and excitement ... and to feel youthful again. The eighteen year old might give you that ...MIGHT... but it will be short-term. To have an affair is one of th... (read in full...)
Is is possible to build trust in a relationship again?
Q. My husband and I have been together for almost 20 years. Recently, I came to discover he likes porn a whole lot more than I realized. He looks at way more online porn than I am comfortable with. I also found out that he was having "chats" online ...
A. 6 October 2009: I don't want you to get paranoid, but honestly I think your marriage is at risk. Its not the porn itself (although I am with you on the uncomfortable issue)... its just as softtouch says its the lack of intimacy, and his loneliness. Eventually, ... (read in full...)
I need words of wisdom. I'm a girl in a dark place...
Q. I think all my problems start with the vivid memories of my childhood. I remember I must of been only four, I was pounding on the door, screaming for my mother and when the door opened, another woman was standing there - naked. It must of took us ...
A. 5 October 2009: You've had a hard life and already experienced a lot. I know its painful but as hard as it is the things we learn the most from are usually our worst mistakes or hardest experiences. I understand how easy it can be to lose faith in God... but th... (read in full...)
Was this incident sexual assault?
Q. Is this sexual assault or acquaintance rape or anything of that matter? I had a long day and one of my best guy friends were sleeping over. He always had the hormones and hots for me and I liked him, but before the incident I was never the person to ...
A. 3 October 2009: Sexual assault is never your fault. I am glad that you were saying no verbally all along that makes an entirely different picture... so based on that yes it does sound like assault.
Now having said that your boundaries are still an issue. ... (read in full...)
I need help with ending a relationship!
Q. I will be ending an eleven-year relationship. She knows I am considering it, but she is very hopeful I will choose to stay. I care about her and she still feels very strongly for me. When the time comes, is it wrong for me to be there to comfort ...
A. 3 October 2009: Being there and a soft shoulder and all sounds great, but it will also be sending her mixed signals. You are also likely to feel a lot more than you expect to once you actually break it off with her. Goodbye sex will be a big temptation and for a ... (read in full...)
Was this incident sexual assault?
Q. Is this sexual assault or acquaintance rape or anything of that matter? I had a long day and one of my best guy friends were sleeping over. He always had the hormones and hots for me and I liked him, but before the incident I was never the person to ...
A. 3 October 2009: I don't mean to sound harsh, but where are your own boundaries? I don't know if this was assault or not it sounds like you agreed every step of the way... until you cried. Then he stopped which is lucky for you. Why was he sleeping over to... (read in full...)
Should I confront her?
Q. I want to explain a situation. I have a daughter who is in fifth grade in school and is very shy. It is a small school, and there are only three other girls. The other girls are all very bouncy and outgoing. I feel that my daughter is kind of ...
A. 3 October 2009: Its a no win situation you are in.. if you confront then it could back fire on your daughter. If you don't it seems like you are giving others permission to take advantage. I don't think you are over-reacting. I would feel the same way, but I ... (read in full...)
He is friends with the girl he cheated on me with. Should I just get over it?
Q. Hi so I had been with my boyfriend for a year and a half when he cheated on me with a girl i was kinda friends with, he says its not cheating coz we werent together at the time coz we had been fighting a lot but i never knew we had actually broken ...
A. 3 October 2009: No you are not meant to just get over it. He's still cheating with her... emotionally if not physically. He has an obligation to put your needs and feelings first... whether he has a "right" or not to be friends with her. You have the "right"... (read in full...)
Is my diet good for my general health, overall?
Q. hi there. ok well for about a year now i have been going without eating lunch everyday .and eventually got use to the routine of not eating until the evening. (due to work ) i moved in to a flat 4 months ago so when i get home from work i coul...
A. 2 October 2009: Really not enough information...
Do you eat breakfast? if so what?
Any protein? Any fruit? Dairy? Whole grains?
How tall are you and how much do you weigh?
With the memory issues there might be some nutritional deficits... start ta... (read in full...)
What is PMS?
Q. Does anyone know what PMS stands for ? I hear a lot of people saying it but i don't know what it means....
A. 1 October 2009: Interesting fact... when women are PMSing their hormones drop to the level of men's all the time! We only seem sociopathic because we are normally so sweet, agreeable, and loving :)... and the shock of acting like an ass just about sends us over ... (read in full...)
If I talk to another guy, is that cheating?
Q. I have been talking to this guy for about 3 months and i finaly asked him what are we and he told em that we are dating... if i talk to another guy is that cheating ?...
A. 30 September 2009: Talk to another guy? No that's not cheating... and dating is not a committment... its an exploration, get to know you better, see if we're compatible enough to go further kinda thing.
So I am not sure what would constitute cheating when you are ... (read in full...)
Should I stay and be with number 2 or go home and be with number 1???
Q. My problem is that, About 4 years ago I was with a great man who adored me. We were together for 2 years but I really wasn't ready for the relationship at the time and made the worst mistake and cheated on him near the end of the relationship (which ...
A. 27 September 2009: I think you should say no to them both and move home if you want to... Lib is right this is a self-centered issue. Its the same issue that got you in trouble to begin with when you had the first affair. You're going to have trouble re-build... (read in full...)
I forgot to tell him about my vow of abstinance!
Q. Im a too in love with my boyrfiend and Im 16 and have taken a vow of abstinance that I would love to uphold. The problem is I kinda forgot to tell him that 6 months ago and now Im about 80% sure he thinks he's gonna get to sleep with me and Im about ...
A. 27 September 2009: Why break up with him without just telling him the truth? If he truly loves you he is going to accept your decision out of respect and love for you. If he can't accept your decision... well, he certainly does not deserve to have sex with... (read in full...)
I'm married to an alcoholic and I'm tired of being mother and nurse!
Q. I really do not know what to do. I have been married for 13 years to an alcoholic. We have two beautiful boys. I am miserable. He has been seeking help through AA on and off for the last year, but still he chooses to sneak and get drunk. Last ...
A. 27 September 2009: You're wrong, you are not stuck. I know it feels that way and you may have true financial need, but don't let that be your cop-out for staying. The kids may have to make adjustments but again you are making excuses. I am not trying to be uns... (read in full...)
His reaction to my unintended pregnancy has made me doubt him!
Q. I'm not exactly sure what i'm asking for here, but i couldn't find any 'answers' from any other source, so i thought i'd give it a go. I have just experienced a miscarriage. I think the most part came yesterday but i have been having a lot of ...
A. 25 September 2009: I think you are grieving... I know you only had your baby for a week, but as you said you were starting to plan your life and the changes you needed to make. Your hormones are probably going a little crazy right now too. A miscarriage is e... (read in full...)
Does the way I dress scare women?
Q. The reason I ask is because I often get some strange looks from women as I walk past. They often give me a look like they're scared. I'm wondering if its because of the way I dress. I often wear a black coat, usually wear black jeans, have black ...
A. 24 September 2009: Yes, it sounds like you have answered your own question. Why don't you try a different style of dressing and see what kind of response you get... add a smile. ... (read in full...)
Sex with pregnant wife?
Q. I can Have sex, when my wife is 10week of Pregnant. kindly advice me?...
A. 17 September 2009: Yes, you can have sex with your wife ALL through the pregnancy so long as it is comfortable and desirable to you both, unless you have been advised by a doctor to abstain for medical reasons. Your wife however may be experiencing a lack of desire... (read in full...)
Should I stay with him? Or is this just crazy?
Q. I met this guy on a Christian Dating site. I was sick of all the guys i had been dating, they were pressuring me into sex, i felt used and worthless. I'm a Christian, so i think - That's the problem, they don't share my faith! I had always wanted to ...
A. 17 September 2009: Listen to the little voice that said this is wrong, he's not the one. I am certain that voice came from GOD. I feel sure he's not the one for you. The situation is all wrong for Christians. That's a BIG red flag! Your story hurts to read.... (read in full...)
My sister is having an affair. Should I tell her lovers wife.
Q. My sister has been having an affair for over a year now. They are both married although only content in their marriages. I want to reveal the affair to his wife but do not want to reveal my sister's identity because she has young children in the ...
A. 15 September 2009: I can understand why you might want to tell, but your best bet in my opinion is to pray. If your objection is a moral one, and you are feeling the outrage that most people feel regarding cheating... and if you believe in God then pray. The praye... (read in full...)
How do I get rid of these good for nothing mother feelings
Q. I'm a SAHM since my son was born. He is 4 yrs old now.Every time someone asks me (what do I do all day or what I'm doing these days) I feel bad. I feel sort of guilty of not working. Its hard to maintain a good life style on 1 person's income(...
A. 15 September 2009: I think birdy is right... its a privilege to get to be a stay at home mom. You need to re-frame your thinking. When asked "what do you do all day?" say things like... "I have the privilege of taking care of my son and husband." or "I make my so... (read in full...)
Should I keep him or walk away?
Q. Well people are gonna think im a right bitch i just have to tell someone, im 17 years old, and having an afair with a man who has a gf and little boy! i feel really sick about it but i didnt know until about a week ago, i really liked this man but ...
A. 15 September 2009: Yes, please do be the better person and walk away. He is definitely high risk bf material. He's lied to you already... what right did he have to entangle you in his mess? Even if he never outright lied... he withheld valuable information that you ... (read in full...)
He makes me feel lonely
Q. I been with a married man for almost six years. He said he loves me but when we had a chance of being in the same place , i feel invisible ...i tell him what i dont like and he keep doing it , he said i fight too much , but i just want him to ...
A. 15 September 2009: Find a single man.... (read in full...)
Married have a lover but now he wants to cool it
Q. im a 24year old female and have be with my man for 8years.and married 3years...the last 2months i have been with a married man and he told me that he thinks hes falling in love with me and i feel the same but he said for to cool it for a while..im ...
A. 12 September 2009: Your affair partner is right... you need to cool it. Stop all contact- no phone calls, no emails, no secret meetings, no drive-by's to just get a peek at him. Stop it all! You say you don't want to hurt your husband but those are only words..... (read in full...)
Is love enough to keep our marriage together?
Q. My husband and i have been married since april 2008. We started talking jan 2008. Our relationship moved extremely fast. We have a baby together she was born april 2009. We have lots of issues and are trying to decide iof we should stay together. ...
A. 12 September 2009: 1. is love enough to make this absolutly crazy relationship work. No, its not, at least not what you are defining as love. Love does not do the things that you are doing to each other. You are not loving him or him you when you are hitting each... (read in full...)
Met him online 6 weeks ago, he wanted to take it slow, didn't know what he wanted and I ended it because I couldnt be just friends. Did I do the right thing?
Q. Dear all, I met this guy online six weeks ago and it went well. We dated but only once a week. We'd call almost every day or every other day. Every time I am at his house we kiss and hug and touch each other but did not have sex. He never...
A. 11 September 2009: I think you did the right thing. You were HONEST. Friendship is not what you are looking for... why compromise on something you know. He might go away and come back missing you and you might discover while he's gone that you are glad you've moved ... (read in full...)
Divorced and remarried, but I am still in love with my ex-husband
Q. I was married for 30 yrs. We divorced, and I remarried almost a year later. He has not. The problem is we still love each other, and I dont think I love my new husband like I do my first husband. I dont think it is fair to keep this marrige going ...
A. 11 September 2009: Why did you divorce to begin with? ... (read in full...)
I was raped and my boyfriend says "its really nothing to cry over"
Q. ok so i was raped 3 months ago by a guy ive known for a while. it hurt me so so much and i am definately not over it yet. but 2 months ago my current boyfriend came into my life and has made me really happy. until the subject of sex came up. we ...
A. 9 September 2009: You are so right you can't just get over it. I assume your boyfriend is the same age as you?... Neither one of you are going to be able to handle this on your own... you need help.
It's not be too late to go to the police, if he's done this to ... (read in full...)
50/50 ?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been going out for about 3 weeks. we're both a little quirky and get along so well. we're best friends, and we love eachother so much. well at least that is what i thought. we made a mistake but it was on both of our parts ...
A. 9 September 2009: There is not enough information to determine that not for you nor for me.
Don't let your imagination get carried away... try to focus on other things and give him the time to figure out his problem before he talks to you. If he's confused... (read in full...)
Am I being too cautious, or is he just a jerk using me as a plan B?
Q. I asked a question last month about a 38-year-old guy whom I had a great first date with, but he talked (near the end of the date) about a hot 24-year-old who dumped him. Yep, he talked about another chick, on our first date. I'm 35. One week...
A. 9 September 2009: I am not sure that he's a "thoughtless a**hole" but regardless of whether you are plan B... he's just not that into you (see the movie?).
Other than his looks and sense of humor... he doesn't have all the characteristics you seem to want... ... (read in full...)
I get close to orgasm, but feel pain and make him stop
Q. Alright so this is a rather embarassing topic. My boyfriend and I have had sex about 5 or 6 times. I have never orgasmed. I know this in itself is a pretty normal thing but I am feeling pain the closer I come to a climax. It feels like this ...
A. 8 September 2009: This may be due to pelvic congestion. When you become aroused and close to orgasm your pelvic structures become engorged with blood and this causes significant pressure. It is especially painful if you fear that you are not going to be able to ... (read in full...)
I'm doubting myself. Did I make the right decision?
Q. Need more advice after another question asked here... I'll sum that up. I had a one-night stand kind of thing with someone. It was an accident. I tried to stop things but he was pretty pushy and each times things progressed it kind of felt too...
A. 8 September 2009: Absolutely, you made the right decision. You are way too confused to pursue ANYTHING. It's also risky to continue with him... cold sores ARE herpes... his pushiness is a big red flag... and your lack of assertiveness is bad news. You nee... (read in full...)
I'm so guilty that I cheated on my husband. Should I tell him?
Q. A few days ago, I slept with a male friend while my husband was out of town visiting relatives. It only happened, once, i swear, and I did not intend for it to happen. I didn't set out looking to cheat, it's something that just happened. We'd had a ...
A. 8 September 2009: This is a terrible dilemna to be in... I read all the other posts and they all have great points, both for and against telling. As a devastated spouse, who knows first hand the incredible pain, confusion and temporary "insanity" that this knowle... (read in full...)
Help! I think my husband is cheating on me, I just don't trust him.
Q. I really need some help, I had found emails where my husband had been talking 2 other women, then heard message on his cell from this girl. This is a man that I trusted like I have never trusted another person on this earth, now I don't know what ...
A. 8 September 2009: Don't panic (I know its hard.) Stay calm and don't let your imagination take off. Right now, you only have a few "clues" and they could mean something or not. You say that you have trusted him like no one else, so for now continue to expect the ... (read in full...)
How to heal a broken heart while being around people who are in love
Q. I have recently been trying to get over a breakup. I have been very sensitive emotionally. My emotions become intensified when I am around my older sister. She has a relationship now with a guy who she is in love with. She thinks this may be the ...
A. 4 September 2009: I understand your plight and your pain. As much as you love her and want to be there for her you need to limit your contact with her for now. Maybe not completely but to briefer lengths of time. Your pain is the priority right now for you. Sh... (read in full...)
My mom caught us having sex after I told her nothing was going on between us! I'm hiding at a friend's house... help!
Q. PLEASE HELP!!! I am 17 yrs old and my mom just walked in on me having sex with my neighbour, he is 28. She has asked em if anythig was going on between the two of us for the last few weeks and I said no and when I went over today she waited a...
A. 4 September 2009: Unless you are really serious that he will actually harm you ...you go home and face the music. And I hope that they press charges against the 28 year old neighbor.... (read in full...)
Ladies, do I just not understand how women think? Men, am I being taken for a ride?
Q. Here goes all on a plate for the last time so I would be greatfull of honest and good advice not told how we done wrong and what we done wrong. So here it is I was seeing someone I was working with, we were so like best friends that much I woul...
A. 3 September 2009: Ok I am not going to try to reiterate any points already made... except this is not what love should look like... But it is what the fallout from an affair looks like... this is why affairs are wrong... not to deprive someone of the "love of the... (read in full...)
Recently separated and in love with friend of 15 years
Q. OK I think my best friend is in love with me. He helps me clean is supportive and loving when he thinks i am in pain. He finds reasons to bring my name into the converstion at social gatherings where i may or may not be present and he has admitted ...
A. 3 September 2009: I am not a man but I am still responding. He is right you need to finish your business in your current marriage before you even consider a new relationship. You would both be causing unnecessary pain and damage to each other and everyone inv... (read in full...)
Should I put up with the conflict for a while longer so he doesn't leave on deployment on a worse note?
Q. Im was married at 18 and gave everything for my husband. He and I had only been with each other but he wasn't happy married and I knew it. A few years ago my mom passed away and I flipped out. I left him and started just sleeping around. He found ...
A. 3 September 2009: Send him away with a nice note that you care about him and he deserves better, but you're not good for each other. Tell him you wish him the best in his life but its clearly over and you are going to focus on fixing your life and you hope he learns ... (read in full...)
What in the world should I do? My hubby suggested separation. Should I just give up?
Q. I am having a difficult time with my husband of 15 years. We've been together for 18 years, and are best friends. The last year, however, he has been going through what he calls "changes"; We have four children together, and recently, he said he ...
A. 3 September 2009: Be very careful, if ultimately you want to keep your marriage intact, because even if he is not currently involved in an affair... he is extremely vulnerable to one right now. For that matter so are you...
I'm not trying to add to your ulcer, b... (read in full...)
G/f doesn't like sex!
Q. My girlfriend of almost a year now has recently told me that she doesn't like sex. She enjoys having orgasms but is never in the mood to have sex. When I pressed her for more information she told me that she thinks instead of having sex we could be ...
A. 3 September 2009: I have been thinking about your issue and want to add to my previous post.
The reason I said it was a deal breaker is because, right now its a manageable problem, down the road after anger and bitterness sets in for you... and it will because ... (read in full...)
How do you fall out of love?
Q. This is more of a discussion question than problem, but i've been thinking about it and would like some opinions. What is love, and can you fall out of love?...
A. 3 September 2009: My opinion... romantic love has many forms.
I believe that love is a bond that is created by meeting the needs of the other person. The more needs the other person meets the stronger the bond, the bond is strengthen over time as trust and assu... (read in full...)
G/f doesn't like sex!
Q. My girlfriend of almost a year now has recently told me that she doesn't like sex. She enjoys having orgasms but is never in the mood to have sex. When I pressed her for more information she told me that she thinks instead of having sex we could be ...
A. 3 September 2009: You can sympathize with her past history of abuse, but don't allow it to be a cop-out for dealing with the issue. You would not be doing either you or her a favor by settling. You will eventually (and probably already) resent not having your ... (read in full...)
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