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What is the exact trigger point for an affair in the work place?

Tagged as: Forbidden love<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (27 August 2009) 9 Answers - (Newest, 31 August 2009)
A male Canada age 51-59, anonymous writes:

Hello there! Just conducting a quick poll amongst those naughty rascals out there who have indulged in an office romance. Not the usual romance. I'm talking the one where both parties are married. For those of you who have experienced this, what format did the romance take: 1) Someone had the 'courage' to ask the other out for a drink and the affair continued from there

2) After working closely together for many years you had become very fond of each other and then one day you reached a pivotal moment of sexual tension and had a snog in the stationery cupboard

3) You found yourself spending time together on a one-on-one basis after others had drifted away from the office party/Friday lunchtime department trip to the pub.

So really I'm interested in finding out about that 'watershed' moment where the affair suddenly took off i.e. the point where you decided to act upon your attraction for each other rather than uphold the professional 'we are here to do a job' ethics. Also, if a woman is so friendly to all the men in the office, how does a man know whether she fancies any one in particular? Thank you for your thoughts!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2009):

i think Q you are talking about me in your post - sadly i did not post the last anon reply but i did post the one on the 27th "dear mr, male. i know you get your thrills............ the impending excitment........"

lets see, our serial womaniser/adulterer at my company is "happily" married for over 20 years. he is very senior and he would shag just about anything..........until one of his "apparent" conquests reported him to HR. to say that he toned down his sexual exploits is the understatment. i think he is just running scared! nowadays he talks about marital fidelity but we just cannot erase his infamous past from our minds.

affairs in the workplace-

- destroys your credibility.

- no one takes you seriously, no matter how professional you seem and how senior

- the jokes are endless. we all, me included, love to re tell the stories.

- destroy all lives.

i work in an industry where affairs are rife, marriages are broken, kids are destroyed. the more money people make the more they want to live dangerously. and the more it costs them. i have come across so many who have LOST EVERYTHING just for a quick f*ck in the office environment. just not worth paying the ultimate price, folks!

'Also, if a woman is so friendly to all the men in the office, how does a man know whether she fancies any one in particular? " OP , here you are fishing. you need to find out yourself whether the other woman is interested in the very married you.

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A female reader, devastated2008 United States +, writes (28 August 2009):

devastated2008 agony auntI don't have all the details about my ex's affair, but from what I can piece together...

I found old emails from the coworker, the only female in an all male environment where she sent out dirty jokes to all the men... my guess is that she was looking for takers. She sent emails to my husband saying "I had a dream about you last night..."

She was unhappy in her marriage and I believe she saw my ambitious hardworking husband as a real catch... and yes I honestly think she had very low self-esteem. Unfortunately for me I did not realize how low my ex's self-esteem was as well...

I believe they had a flirtation and friendly relationship that was mutually flattering... and when our marriage hit a vulnerable point the affair ignited because it was just right there ready to go.

I hope you are just doing research and are not contemplating an affair... an affair is a cruel, devastatingly hurtful, shattering want to die event. I have experienced a lot of very painful things in life and this has been the worst. I trusted him and loved him with all my heart and thought he loved me too. Honestly, I am left with a broken-heart.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2009):

Glad that at least one person has tried to answer your question sensibly!!!!!! I know a woman where I work who was married but eventually became divorced. She would come into work real late. Work hard but spend quite a bit of time flirting with other guys (we're talking up to half hour chats behind closed doors here!!!!!). She would leave the office real late for a long commute home. Hey presto she started shagging some bloke who had an office right next door to her......basically, mate, some women are bad news. I've been married for 15 years and never once been tempted by office colleagues. Arrive early and leave early and chat with the girls but just talk business with the boys........I would never get into personal discussions with the boys - and certainly would not work late to make up for lost time flirting earlier on in the day. My husband deserves respect - not left-overs!!!! Good luck with your affair, you loser!!!!!! Do yourself a favour and save your embarrassment - leave her alone....

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (27 August 2009):

Honeypie agony auntI don't believe in cheating, nor do I believe in "crapping" where I eat.( Meaning I have never dated a co-worker) I don't go get a job so I can extend my "dating" pool... I do, however make friends, male and females with my co-workers.

Guess I'm not much help for your question.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2009):

Just because a woman is friendly to different men doesn't mean that she is after an affair. She might just like to flirt to feel attractive. I have known a couple of woman who were flirts and I don't think they were seeking affairs. My wife was once very good friends with a woman who was a flirt and she knows that she was very faithful to her husband. That is the danger with women flirting. A lot of guys automatically think that means that she wants to jump into bed with them.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2009):

I was married to a wonderful person who loved me dearly until i had an affair with one of my workers. I have a cleaning company and I lost everything and the person I had the affair with left me.

I wish I never had that affair

you need to take a holiday with your wife get away from ´the other person´´

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (27 August 2009):

eyeswideopen agony auntC'mon all you aunts and uncles let's help this guy get his affair off the ground! Let's help him find his "watershed" moment! C'mon Guys!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2009):

dear mr, male. i know you get your thrills from affairs but really, don't you think your fetish for affairs is taking it a bit too far. seems like you will cum in any moment at the impending excitment........

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2009):

hope you not thinking about having an affair

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