A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My sister has been having an affair for over a year now. They are both married although only content in their marriages. I want to reveal the affair to his wife but do not want to reveal my sister's identity because she has young children in the local school and this could hurt the children. How can I do this without revealing who he is sleeping with?
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female
reader, devastated2008 +, writes (15 September 2009):
 I can understand why you might want to tell, but your best bet in my opinion is to pray. If your objection is a moral one, and you are feeling the outrage that most people feel regarding cheating... and if you believe in God then pray.The prayer should go something like this... "God, you know of this hurtful thing that is happening in my sister's life. I don't want to cause any more damage than is already being done by these two confused and misguided people, please forgive me for any judgemental thoughts or superiority I might be feeling, please help me to love my sister as you love me despite my sins. Please God pour your love and care on everyone involved... if it is your will for this affair to be revealed, please God provide the right people with the right information. I pray for your protection for the innocent spouses and especially for the innocent children. God please draw my sister close and show her another way... I love her and do not want harm for her or her family, please lay it on her heart to end this affair. In Christ name, I pray. AMEN."
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (10 September 2009):
 Do you want to bust your sister because she is being immoral? Or what is your motivation for telling?
And IF you are going to tell someone why not tell your brother-in-law?
I am very much against cheating, but there are things that will lead to no good. If you tell the wife, eventually your sister will be found out. Cheaters always do, sooner or later.
Seems like you are either wanting to "help" the lovers wife know the truth or you want to stir up some drama.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2009): yes tell your sisters lovers wife.
either send her a anon note, sms , perhaps email (private one). best bet is a sms, it works.
please do not listen to the others telling you that your sisters affair is none of your business. IT IS!
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (9 September 2009):
 The most you should do is talk to your sister and set a boundary that you must never be used to help lie for her to see her lover, nor protect the secret of the affair.
It is not your business, AND, for that same reason, you should not be involved in it at all.
-Frank Kermit
http://www.franktalks.com
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2009): I don't think that these kind of things should stay secret. However, I think that you are not the best person to tell your brother in law or the wife of the man your sister is sleeping with.
You should speak to your sister and tell her that you intend to tell her lovers wife/her husband about her affair. She has to decide who she wants to be with her lover or her husband she can't have both. Insist she decides within a certain period.
If she refuses, i would tell your brother in law and not her lovers wife. Her husband isn't going to do anything to hurt his own children emotionally. Whereas the lovers wife may do.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (9 September 2009):
 Exactly why do you want to reveal this?
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A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (9 September 2009):
 This is one place where you have no business interfering directly.
The only intervention you have is to address this issue with your sister. Not other people.
Even then, discretion is the better part of it.
Otherwise, when you start getting involved, she will resent you somehow, or it will come back to haunt you later.
When children are involved, its much worse because you don't know how this person will react to the news.
I would say, tread cautiously.
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A
female
reader, boo22  +, writes (9 September 2009):
 Why do you want to do this to your own sister? I cannot understand you at all. Do you think you are the morality police, or are you jealous?Its outrageous you think its ok to do this, its absolutely none of your business. Stay out of it entirely.
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