A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I was married for 30 yrs. We divorced, and I remarried almost a year later. He has not. The problem is we still love each other, and I dont think I love my new husband like I do my first husband. I dont think it is fair to keep this marrige going when I dont feel the way I should, my new husband is very lazy but emotionally very good to me but not finacially or household helpful. I still feel married to my first husband..
View related questions:
divorce, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2009): not enough infoYou need to ask yourself why you got divorced in the first place. Had you honestly tried to work through the issues and were at an impasse? Or was divorce an easy way out to show how mad you were?How come you got remarried so soon? That isnt normal unless you were having an affair with the new guy all along. Were you acting out and trying to prove a point to your ex-husband? You say the "new husband is very lazy". Why does this matter to you? Perhaps the ex was the perfect partner to work with if you are hanging wall paper together or you want to clear out the garage but that doesnt mean that he is the right person as a marriage partner. You need to determine if you were just used to the old guys energetic, can-do ways and prefer those ways. Or do you prefer the ex as a person. Frankly the person who said you cant re-boil the cabbage is right- you can never go back to the way things were. You will always have the fact that you abandoned him and married some other guy between you. What was once unthinkable is now a possibility every time you have a fight. So you choice is not between the new marriage and the old, but between you current marriage and some kind of a new relationship you may be able to develop with your old husband that may be a bit different. You sound a bit flighty to me, so I think it would be a good idea to work with a therapist for a few months to examine how you got here and and what was behind the choices you made before you jump in or out of anything else.
A
male
reader, Your friend  +, writes (11 September 2009):
 Pain and joy from a past so long shared cannot be erased easily and for some (probably most) is imbedded deeply into their consciousness. It isn't easy to live with someone that long and forget it all in the blink of an eye, and 1-2 years isn't long enough. Once he finds someone and becomes technically unavailable to you your mind might come around and refocus on where you are now. A lazy husband today can become the joy of your life tomorrow once viewed from a different place in your mind.
...............................
A
male
reader, sf69 +, writes (11 September 2009):
I will add my two cents worth but first I need a little more information. How and why did the first marrige end. Are you happier now than you were before? Are you a christian? are there kids. Please message me and I will try to help if I can...good luck sf69
...............................
A
female
reader, devastated2008 +, writes (11 September 2009):
 Why did you divorce to begin with?
...............................
|
