A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:The reason I ask is because I often get some strange looks from women as I walk past. They often give me a look like they're scared. I'm wondering if its because of the way I dress. I often wear a black coat, usually wear black jeans, have black shoes, short cropped hair and to top it all off I have naturally pale skin.I also have a miserable looking face. I'm not miserable, but I have really thin lips and it gives me this angry look. I've had people say " what's wrong mate? you look pissed off about something".I'm not sure if it's the clothes or maybe it's just me. I actually quite bothered about this, everytime I see an attractive women, I try to cross the road, or if I'm walking behind one I'll cross the road.Just about an hour ago, there was a schoolgirl (she looked about 15), and she looked back at me a few times, and began walking quicker. I have no intention of harming anybody, but I will admit I'm a scary looking guy, so do you think it is how I dress? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2009): Wear less black more coloured clothes xxxxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2009): Don't compromise. Wear what feels good for you.
The phenomenon of women walking faster or crossing the street to avoid perfectly normal men who appear to them to be a bit 'scary' is an intresting one. Maybe they've watched too many movies, but Old Spinstah's point about women needing to be more careful becuse of their greater vulnerability is true. Not many men ever feel a need to cross the road to avoid 'scary' women.
Without doubt, it gets out of hand sometimes - you occasionally see stunningly paranoid advice on this site from normally sensible aunts who explain why men are perceived as a potential threat always on the lookout to spike girls' drinks, to the point where girls deciding to veto or 'block' their girl friends from going off with a guy they like is presented as perfectly normal, just 'looking out for one another'.
If you don't want to scare people, walk around in a clown's costume or a fluffy-rabbit outfit. But black is cool, esp if your face betrays a gentleness or sweetness or glint of happiness that you want to share. Black combined with a miserable or angry look may not be doing you any favours.
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2009): Some good replies.I will change, to be honest I do wear some blue jeans and white T-shirts and things like. I think my black coat can be intimidating. The reason I say this, If I walk in a shop I often get looked at as if I'm suspicious, like I'm going to commit an armed robbery or something.Also, I think my face definitely scares some people. Not just women, I remember a few years ago I walked past this man with his son (he must have been only 3 years old), and the boy was terrified of me, I mean like he saw the devil or something. He was absolutely shaking, and his his father said " he's scared of you for some reason mate".I don't know why really, because I'm not covered in scars or burn marks. I just have a menacing looking face. Also I sometimes get angry looks from other men when I walk past, so now I just look on the floor to avoid trouble. And this isn't me being paranoid, I've had a lot of people ask why I'm angry, and I'm not. I'm not sure about smiling though, If somebody's already on edge with me, if I smile they might think I'm a perv or something.
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A
female
reader, old-spinstah +, writes (24 September 2009):
Everyone here is giving good advice. Don't feel to concerned about what strangers may be thinking about you - they are after all strangers and you will probably never see them again. What they think of you really doesn't matter - you know what you're really like.
And to some extent, I think it's natural for girls/women to be slightly wary any male unknown to them, especially if she is on her own or in a quiet place. I personally always cross the road when I'm walking alone to avoid a male stranger - doesn't matter if they're in a black hoodie, white tuxedo or pink tutu, I'll give them a wide berth!
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A
female
reader, HereAreMyTwoCents  +, writes (24 September 2009):
 You have two choices. Look for goth girls, who won't be scared off by the all black look or else, change the way you dress in order to make a better impression on a wider variety of people. Whether we like it or not, our physical appearance is the first impression we make on people. It is our personal physical presence, and it DOES convey a message about you, whether you want it to or not, whether your care to convey one or not. Neither choice is wrong or right, dress how you want or dress to impress, but if you want to dress to make a more normal, less threatening impression I would suggest changing either the pants or coat from black to another color. Maybe wear blue jeans instead of black jeans.
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A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (24 September 2009):
 Some people might look at you and with a cool pair of RayBan's think you're hot stuff walked off the Matrix movie trilogy.
Others might see you and think, Columbine killer.
Try wearing colorful stuff, or if not, try finding someone with some fashion sense to help you dress attractively.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2009): I think you sound pretty cool. Strange looks are ten a penny, simply because we live in a society that thrives on ignorance - people are brought up to fear the unknown. That's their problem though, not yours. Unless of course you were hoping to change the world in some way. :) x
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A
female
reader, obsticalfree +, writes (24 September 2009):
You know all that people have of anyone is their impression you said that your facial features make you look angry. If you actually avoid women by physically moving yourself elsewhere this definitely would make people think that you are not friendly or at the least not interested. And...dark clothes can look great on people but if you ALWAYS wear the same things and they are always dark than that adds to an image of distance, perhaps anger or irritation. People are attracted to other people that make them smile or relax so I suggest that you stop avoiding women and move closer SMILE even with thin lips a smile a sparkling eyes are appealing and.... wear a variety of colors choose some clothes that warm and have nice textures something that someone would like to touch or cuddle I promise smiling, looking interested , standing close and talking will remove any nervousness or fear someone might have initially
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2009): well maybe it is the way you dress, maybe try and change for a while (just to see if that is so), if that does not change things then it must deffinately be your expression. i cannot say walk around with a huge grin on your face as that would probably have the same effect, but maybe a smile and a nod of the head if they catch your eye?
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (24 September 2009):
 Hi,
Its a possibility that the way you dress has something to do with why people may glare at you in the street.
Alot of people dress in black and get away with it so I dont know why you have this problem, unless of course you come across as "goth" which may freak or scare some people out as they dont understand the principle behind it.
If your happy dressing the way you are then dont change. If other people have issues with the way you are dressed and glare thats their insecurities not yours.
However if your not happy then you can always change the way you dress. Wear brighter colours to lift your mood.
Hope this answers your question.
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (24 September 2009):
It might be. If you're walking through town looking uneasy and dressed in black, people might find that intimidating. I used to dress in a lot of dark colours and people seemed to sometimes be intimidated. So I tried lighter colours and now I don't think they're intimidated and I also feel better as well. Try lighter colours or colours that go with your pale skin.
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A
female
reader, devastated2008 +, writes (24 September 2009):
 Yes, it sounds like you have answered your own question. Why don't you try a different style of dressing and see what kind of response you get... add a smile.
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