Like what
she writes?
... Add *ndie's Thoughts to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *ndie's Thoughts a private message | | *ndie's Thoughts's Ratings | |
| | *ndie's Thoughts's profile:I'm Andie and I'm surviving life until I can really start to live it :)
Karma does happen:
My dad was a married woman's other guy for only a few weeks (about a decade before my mum met him), then realised he wasn't okay with helping her betray her husband. His friend became her other guy, husband came home while they were at it, the guy jumped out of the window and the husband knew, so grabbed a bicycle, chased him and punched him once, going 20mph, so it knocked him out. A couple of relationships later, after getting £15,000 in debt to help a woman leave her abusive husband and getting in a relationship with her, my dad came back from a holiday with his parents and found her with another guy. |
|
I don't want my ex to go back with his former ex!
Q. My ex and I split up 3 months ago. We have 2 children together that he still sees regular;y. I didnt want to split and I still love him but we argued too much and our relationship became so toxic it had to end. But now his ex-fiance, who h...
A. 16 May 2019: OP, time to take responsibility and get professional help. This is raw and you need proper support. No more drinking, especially while your kids are home - need motivation for that? Read up on the struggles of children who grew up around alcohol ... (read in full...)
I can't get over him, we had sex once but he has a girlfriend
Q. A year ago I fell in love with someone who had a girlfriend. After months of building sexual tension, we had sex once, after which he told his girlfriend. She told him never to contact me again. For a few months he didn't, then he got back in touch. ...
A. 16 May 2019: It’s not love, OP - you’re infatuated because he’s forbidden, and rightly so. He’s a cheater and he’s disrespected his girlfriend by trying to keep contacting you. Emotions are why you shouldn’t have sex with people who aren’t interested in a ... (read in full...)
I ended the affair but the man I was involved with is blackmailing me into talking to him threatening me that he'll tell my husband
Q. I’m a married woman but was going through a really bad patch with my husband and I started to get depression... while I was going through that I started chatting to a man online... we met and started an affair.... he knew I was married.... anyway he ...
A. 14 May 2019: Anonymous, it’s not “holier than thou” to say human beings DESERVE the truth from their partners. It wasn’t a one-time bad decision; it was an affair. Her husband deserves to know that and telling him will always be an option - whether the OP wants ... (read in full...)
How do I deal with an old, terminally ill dog who's pooping all around the house?
Q. Sorry if this is not the typical question for this site but I need advice. I have an 11 year old dog. I have had him since 8 weeks old. Recently he's been falling over a lot on walks and not picking his feet up properly so his nails would bleed. ...
A. 14 May 2019: You can get doggy diapers, but it can get expensive. I’m sorry you’re faced with this decision, but you need to go back to the vet and decide with them if his quality of life isn’t good enough.... (read in full...)
How do I calm down during foreplay?
Q. I'm very new to the world of sex, having never been in a relationship before. I now have a girlfriend who is equally as inexperienced. We've never actually had intercourse but I was wondering what people actually do during sex/foreplay when it comes ...
A. 14 May 2019: Towels/tissues. If you can’t have a laugh about the realities of sex, including the mess, then you shouldn’t be having sex together yet. It’s not a bad thing to prevent messes. Enjoy the foreplay, but remember to communicate in a healthy way when ... (read in full...)
Should I reconnect with an old lesbian teacher?
Q. When I was at school, there was an out teacher. We got on well but I haven't spoken to her since I left, I was 16 then but I haven't seen her since. I felt that we had a good friendship at the time however it has been 5 years since I left. I don't ...
A. 12 May 2019: Let her go. Move on. She’s a happy memory of friendship, but she’s what was good for you then, not necessarily now. She’s moved on and you need to now too.... (read in full...)
Just found out he cheated the entire relationship. Should I give him chance?
Q. I have been dating my current boyfriend for 3 years now. Our families have meshed and we've gone on many trips together, have gone through many experiences and have even told each other I love you half a year into our relationship. He lives on...
A. 12 May 2019: You will never be able to trust him again and for good reason. Let him go and find someone who won’t cheat.... (read in full...)
He hasn’t told a soul about his relationship with me and it bothers me. It’s all about respect, or is it?
Q. I’ve been seeing this guy for about 9 months off and on. We’ve hooked up a few times. I don’t want anything serious because I’m going through a divorce (been legally separated for 2 years). Anyway, I’d kind of describe our relationship as slightly ...
A. 12 May 2019: In the nicest possible way, why would he tell anyone about an on-off casual hook-up buddy?
You seem to feel more for him than he does for you. He doesn’t see you as a close friend. You put in all of the effort. He doesn’t seem to consider you as “... (read in full...)
He says he loves me but has a girlfriend. How do I get her out of the picture?
Q. I’ve been dating a friend that I have known for over 30 years. Only thing is that he has a girlfriend. He has been with her since August 2016. My husband passed away in 2017 early and he has been there for me. We started seeing each other in Late ...
A. 11 May 2019: OP, homewrecker or not, you are being selfish and cruel to his girlfriend, just like he is. Losing your husband doesn’t give you the excuse to try to ruin someone else’s relationship. What would your late husband think of who you’ve become? A cold, ... (read in full...)
I ended the affair but the man I was involved with is blackmailing me into talking to him threatening me that he'll tell my husband
Q. I’m a married woman but was going through a really bad patch with my husband and I started to get depression... while I was going through that I started chatting to a man online... we met and started an affair.... he knew I was married.... anyway he ...
A. 10 May 2019: Why on earth would you tell your husband? Because he deserves to know. You made the choice. He deserves to choose if he can forgive you for that or not. Your marriage is built on lies if you keep that from him. You *can’t* work on your marriage ... (read in full...)
He says he loves me but has a girlfriend. How do I get her out of the picture?
Q. I’ve been dating a friend that I have known for over 30 years. Only thing is that he has a girlfriend. He has been with her since August 2016. My husband passed away in 2017 early and he has been there for me. We started seeing each other in Late ...
A. 10 May 2019: OP, he doesn’t WANT her out of the picture. You can’t date someone who’s not single. You’re just his mistress. You’re old enough to know better. The reason you’re worried you’ll lose him is because you know he doesn’t love you or want to be with ... (read in full...)
I've been a mistress for a long time and am starting to get bored with it all.
Q. Hi guys. I've been a mistress for a long time. I can't really talk to people about this. But I'd like to know if it's normal to grow tired of being in a "relationship" which never grows or evolves? I am feeling tired of being a sex toy. Tired of ...
A. 10 May 2019: OP, you weren’t a victim. His wife is the victim. You are the co-conspirator. Until you accept your part and blame in this, understanding that you are not a victim, you aren’t learning anything from it. You feel no guilt, just sorry for yourself. ... (read in full...)
Why am I only drawn into these inappropriate, wrong relationships?
Q. Why am I always drawn to taboo, inappropriate or wrong kind of relationship?? Ok here is a little detail about myself. I grew up a bit of a wallflower - no confidence at school, never pushy or good with hair and makeup and so was always the l...
A. 8 May 2019: You just seem to subconsciously prefer men where the relationships couldn’t go anywhere. The number of “normal” guys you’ve liked will dilute the frequency of how often you prefer men like that. As long as you use good judgement and acknowledge, but ... (read in full...)
I'm afraid of dogs and now I'm in love with a person who has a dog
Q. I'm 33 years old male and as silly as it might sound, I've been terrified of dogs my whole life. When I was 8 years old I was attacked by pack of dogs and I was bitten so severely I had to spend weeks in hospital. I still have scars and ever since ...
A. 8 May 2019: Lots of men and women are afraid of dogs, especially after not being socialised with them or having a traumatic experience - same with any animal.
The thing is, any good pet owner (with VERY few exceptions) will ditch a partner before a pet, so ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend just stood and watched while I was struggling rather than help me. Was this mean? Selfish?
Q. I went shopping with my boyfriend and I was struggling to carry the bags so one of the bags fell on the floor and I was struggling to pick it up meanwhile my boyfriend just stood there and watched me struggle. I said thanks for helping me and he ...
A. 8 May 2019: Is this common behaviour in your relationship?
You should have asked, but it also should have been his natural response to help.
I wouldn't date someone who regularly wouldn't think to help, but I'd also (nicely) ask if someone who norm... (read in full...)
My friend lead me on, flirted a lot with me.. then ditched me for another girl forgetting that I existed. I feel hurt and embarrassed, help?
Q. So I'm 25 and I've been friends with this guy for about a year, he's in my friendship group and he previously had a girlfriend, nothing ever happened between us and previously i always just saw him as a friend. Anyway he broke up with his girlfriend ...
A. 7 May 2019: Unfortunately, it’s easy to be lead on and easy to unintentionally lead someone on. I think you misread his signals and he wasn’t aware that you were interested. Some people flirt without the intention of it going anywhere. You didn’t even really ... (read in full...)
She can’t choose between us two!
Q. I had a girlfriend who we met when she was in a relationship i won her then after few months she dumped me and went back to him,after 9 months she came back stalking me saying im the love of his life and she is still with her boyfriend when i ask ...
A. 7 May 2019: I think “stalking” may just be a poor translation of something, but I need you to understand that love and relationships are not about “winning” or “losing” someone. You have not been “defeated” and you can not “win” someone.
This girl is confused... (read in full...)
My guy friends always wind up having feelings for me!
Q. I've always enjoyed having guy friends more than girl friends, and i always have to deal with the exact same problem, which is, him ending up having feelings for me. I always try to avoid those situations by acting more casual and not giving them ...
A. 7 May 2019: I’d just like to add that there are three common types of guys in this situation: 1) Genuine - when you were just friends, but it snuck up on you. There’s no ulterior motive or anything, but sometimes it happens and sometimes it works out, but d... (read in full...)
My guy friends always wind up having feelings for me!
Q. I've always enjoyed having guy friends more than girl friends, and i always have to deal with the exact same problem, which is, him ending up having feelings for me. I always try to avoid those situations by acting more casual and not giving them ...
A. 7 May 2019: Do lesbians need to avoid having female friends? No.
Do gay men need to avoid having male friends? No.
Do bisexuals have to have no friends at all? No.
That’s why the “men and women usually can’t be friends” thing is flawed.
If a guy has ... (read in full...)
She can’t choose between us two!
Q. I had a girlfriend who we met when she was in a relationship i won her then after few months she dumped me and went back to him,after 9 months she came back stalking me saying im the love of his life and she is still with her boyfriend when i ask ...
A. 7 May 2019: Let her go. She’s not a prize to win, OP. I know it hurts, but she needs to choose for herself and you need to move on.... (read in full...)
I've lost my sex drive. How do I get it back?
Q. Hello everyone, I must say I’m a little embarrassed with this one, I’m 27 years old, been with my GF for roughly 3 years and have completely lost my sex drive. We went from having sex multiple times a day to once a week/fortnight. I just fe...
A. 6 May 2019: Speak to a doctor to have a health check. Then try to up the romance and semi-spontaneity in your relationship, but communicate it well with your girlfriend first, so you don’t end up with clashing plans :)
Once a week is still a healthy frequenc... (read in full...)
Do they really have these outrageous bills in Nigeria?
Q. I have wrote here before. I had some good advice. It was about my Nigerian husband. I mentioned his mood swings , and I’m unable to ask any questions without his temper flaring up. Ai also mentioned his spending ways and his expections that ...
A. 5 May 2019: Look for support groups for those scammed by foreign men and women. Join one. Sit there and LISTEN. You WILL spot the huge red flags that you're currently ignoring. He is NOT your husband and you ARE in denial. That's not rude, but it feels rude ... (read in full...)
How do I tell my girlfriend her bed isn't comfortable?
Q. I’ve been dating my girlfriend for a few months. So far everything has gone great. The problem I have is that I think her bed is super uncomfortable. Her mattress is a 3 inch thick piece of foam. Her blanket is 4 or 5 layers of thin blankets that ...
A. 5 May 2019: OP, you're so early on in your relationship. You're still strangers romantically. Just don't sleep over at hers often. Having said that, if you feel confident enough to sleep together, you should feel confident enough to tell her you want to pop ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend's perfectionism over grades is making me feel critisized. How can we talk about it?
Q. My girlfriend is a perfectionist and a very anxious person. She's in her 4th year of college and just submitted her dissertation this week. After submitting it, she must have cried for at least an hour, because she "knew it wasn't good enough". ...
A. 5 May 2019: First of all, perseverance is more useful in life than passing with no issues. You need to step back and not take her expectations for herself as criticism of you. It's not an easy thing to do, but you can't be together if you take her upset about ... (read in full...)
Do they really have these outrageous bills in Nigeria?
Q. I have wrote here before. I had some good advice. It was about my Nigerian husband. I mentioned his mood swings , and I’m unable to ask any questions without his temper flaring up. Ai also mentioned his spending ways and his expections that ...
A. 2 May 2019: You are being scammed. This is not a marriage. I don’t know how many times we can advise that you leave him before you wake up to what’s going on.... (read in full...)
I just want to know that I am sane. He made me feel crazy
Q. I have posted about this particular man some years back. I met this European man on a dating website. For almost 4 years of whatsapp messages, we have only video called on Skype twice, the first video call was both our ideas and the second video ...
A. 1 May 2019: OP, you can’t be friends with this 41 year old. He doesn’t want friendship; he wants an ego boost from someone in another country whom he won’t need to commit to. That’s why you should block him. No friendship attempts or you’re still on the hook. ... (read in full...)
I just want to know that I am sane. He made me feel crazy
Q. I have posted about this particular man some years back. I met this European man on a dating website. For almost 4 years of whatsapp messages, we have only video called on Skype twice, the first video call was both our ideas and the second video ...
A. 29 April 2019: OP, this is silly. He won’t even speak to you on the phone regularly, so what makes you think he’d come to visit you?! If he did, it would be for sex, nothing more.
I’m sorry that this will hurt, but you need to stop being naive and block him PERM... (read in full...)
Do you believe in reincarnation or soulmates?
Q. Do any of you believe in reincarnation or soulmates? My partner and I have such a deep connection that was so instant that it was like we've known each other for years. So I was just curious if anyone else has experienced anything similar. ...
A. 27 April 2019: “Love at first sight” - no way. You don’t know them, so it’s just attraction. I know you didn’t ask that, but it’s linked.
“Soulmates”.... to a degree. I think it’s a really lovely idea, but I don’t think there’s just one for each person. I think ... (read in full...)
Is Rimming really as risky as they say?
Q. OK so this is a bit embarrassing, which is why I'm posting this anonymously but basically me and my boyfriend have been 'experimenting' in the bedroom lately and decided to try anal sex/play. I wasn't a fan of the sex as it hurt quite a bit but what ...
A. 26 April 2019: I get that you have the coil, but two forms of contraception is more effective than one. Pleasure is only any good if it doesn’t end up with a negative consequence. Same goes for not using a dental dam. It may not be the sexiest thing, but neither ... (read in full...)
My mother threatens to cut me off over the clothes I wear
Q. I'm a 31 year old woman who lives and works away from my parents. My parents were never the overly controlling kind, although my mother is kind of very conservative when it comes to certain things. She doesn't approve of partying or wearing ...
A. 26 April 2019: OP, stop it. Either argue with your mum, put your foot down or accept that her views won't change and you need to adapt to that.
Complaining here and not listening to advice will do nothing to improve your situation.
ACCEPT YOUR MUM.
- ... (read in full...)
What happens when male and female best friends share a bed for the night?
Q. I recently moved into my own apartment. It's a one bedroom and I don't have any furniture. My long time female friend plans to stay over this weekend so that she can 1. see the place and 2. not have to go all the way home after we watch a movie ...
A. 26 April 2019: Get a camp bed or inflatable single mattress for the floor. If you "don't know what you want to happen" you can NOT share a bed with her. I've shared a bed with 2 male friends and neither of us once thought of it sexually. With one, we "top and ... (read in full...)
I know I can't trust him again but I also want to tell him let's work on it and can figure it out. What is wrong with me?
Q. I've been dating a guy for about 2.5 months who is going through a separation. He has treated me better than anyone I've been with before and I was really starting to imagine a life with him. The gestures he made, how he made me feel, our ...
A. 26 April 2019: I wish people would remember not to date people who are only "separated" and not OFFICIALLY DIVORCED. It WAS too good to be true and you shouldn't have even been thinking about a future with him yet - he's still a stranger after only 2.5 months.
... (read in full...)
How do you stop wanting something that you can never have?
Q. I guess I’ll start with a bit of a background. My cousin is the son of my aunt, my father’s sister, now he’s 18 and I’m 18. We spent a lot of time together when we were children because our families lived very close each to other. We were great ...
A. 25 April 2019: Set boundaries and accept that you’re related. It’s hard to do initially, but you treat it like any other crush you shouldn’t have. It will fade.... (read in full...)
No sex and I don't feel appreciated. How do I talk to him?
Q. Me and my OH have been together for almost 10 years and have two children 7 and 5. For the most part, it's been great, obviously ups and down but nothing really major. Sex has always been a bit of a problem with us, it's like we have never really b...
A. 23 April 2019: It sounds like therapy together may be the only way to get to the root and potentially improve it.... (read in full...)
Cock Teasing Wife
Q. Wife, with already killer body, lost 12 lbs on some diet shes doing and started wearing tighter clothes when she goes out. This was fine until she started wearing more revealing clothes and her trips out became longer and later at night. I tried to ...
A. 23 April 2019: Time for counselling. Aside from dressing up nicely for herself, people don’t generally do this teasing if they’re happy in their marriage. Maybe you’re both missing things from each other and a therapist could help you figure out what.... (read in full...)
How would you feel if your doctor hugged you?
Q. My medical doctor started giving me hugs at the end of our regular appointments. The first time he just initiated a hug; the second time he said "I hope you don't mind me hugging you. I have been working with him for about a year. How would you ...
A. 22 April 2019: I’d tell him not to. I doubt he hugs his male patients.... (read in full...)
I like a girl and I don't have any expectations of her liking me back. How do I tell her about my feelings?
Q. Hi So to cut a long story short. I really like a girl, I believed she liked me for a while but now I think she doesn't. It's mixed signals which usually means they're not into you. I can't really move on until I know for sure as I always want t...
A. 22 April 2019: How well do you know her? How much time have you spent together?
I’m with Honeypie that you should hang out a bit, then ask her on a date. Just simple: “Would you like to go out for dinner with me sometime?” This may be too subtle if you go out f... (read in full...)
How could I allow this guy to use me for sex?! I feel awful and I've lost all trust in men!
Q. I’ve recently came out of a long term relationship so I’m very new to dating.when I went out with friends I met a great guy, we chatted a lot and there was an instant spark between us, we exchanged numbers, we spoke a lot over the phone for about a ...
A. 22 April 2019: OP, you should lose trust in your drunk self, not men. Sure, some guys are jerks and users. Sadly, you came across one and were too tipsy to make smart or safe decisions (strangers house are a no-go, OP!).
This isn't heartbroken, but it is feeli... (read in full...)
He broke up with me and now I'm pregnant
Q. Hello all! I’m in a tough situation.. So last week my boyfriend broke up with me because of pressure from his family. Here’s the gist of it: We started dating a year and half ago. I’m bi-racial, half black and half Hispanic. He’s Indian. When we ...
A. 20 April 2019: You can’t not tell him. I’m sorry, but you made this choice too. Not only that, but you’re not telling him for HIS benefit, but for the future baby’s benefit - IF you keep the foetus. I won’t bash anyone who says not to tell him, but I won’t agree ... (read in full...)
What do I wear for my first time at a swingers’ party?
Q. Hi everyone So on my bucket list for the last 10 years has been to attend a private adult party. I have been recommended one and I have been checking it out quite thoroughly and it all seems legit and safe etc. My question is - as a single...
A. 19 April 2019: Check Google and YouTube for advice on parties like this. I’d suggest simple, but attractive. You may not find someone during the first party, so use it as a recon for understanding what to do next time.
A lower cut top with cardigan and nice ski... (read in full...)
My Algerian fiance wants $5000 for a student visa?
Q. Hello Thanks in advance for your help. My fiancée and myself live in different countries. I’m Canadian , he is from Algeria. We have been together over 2 years. I have went to see him 6 times in the two years. He has applied for his v...
A. 18 April 2019: This is a scam. Don’t do it. Seriously; we have plenty of posts you can look through of people who did what you’re thinking of doing and realised afterwards that they were scammed. Please don’t be naive.... (read in full...)
He broke up with me and now I'm pregnant
Q. Hello all! I’m in a tough situation.. So last week my boyfriend broke up with me because of pressure from his family. Here’s the gist of it: We started dating a year and half ago. I’m bi-racial, half black and half Hispanic. He’s Indian. When we ...
A. 18 April 2019: This is what happens when you make bad decisions. You both should have stopped sleeping together or at least used two forms of contraception. Are you (both) mature enough to be parents if you did this? I’m not so sure. Contraception can fail, but at ... (read in full...)
My mother threatens to cut me off over the clothes I wear
Q. I'm a 31 year old woman who lives and works away from my parents. My parents were never the overly controlling kind, although my mother is kind of very conservative when it comes to certain things. She doesn't approve of partying or wearing ...
A. 18 April 2019: OP, it’s not abusive. It’s a strong disagreement about core feelings. I’m sorry she disagrees with you, but you’re going to have to accept it or stand up to her.
You shouldn’t be emotionally dependent on anyone now - emotionally attached... (read in full...)
My mother threatens to cut me off over the clothes I wear
Q. I'm a 31 year old woman who lives and works away from my parents. My parents were never the overly controlling kind, although my mother is kind of very conservative when it comes to certain things. She doesn't approve of partying or wearing ...
A. 13 April 2019: Just be yourself and have better online security on who can see your photos.... (read in full...)
| *ndie's Thoughts's friends
These are mutual friends, so *ndie's Thoughts has
added them and they have added *ndie's Thoughts!
|
