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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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My wife doesn't want to tell me that I am not her best lover. Why does she lie?
Q. I met my wife when she was 40 (now she is 46). She told me that, among almost 30 previous sex partners, I am her best lover. I can not believe her. My penis is only 5 inches and normal thickness. I am not bad in bed, but I know I am not the best. ...
A. 16 August 2013: OP you are correct both foreplay and afterplay are important for good lovemaking.
Where you fail is your belief that your wife screaming and having orgasms makes you a good lover. It does not. Some women do not orgasm from intercourse and fewe... (read in full...)
My wife doesn't want to tell me that I am not her best lover. Why does she lie?
Q. I met my wife when she was 40 (now she is 46). She told me that, among almost 30 previous sex partners, I am her best lover. I can not believe her. My penis is only 5 inches and normal thickness. I am not bad in bed, but I know I am not the best. ...
A. 15 August 2013: I can't help but wonder why you think she is not giving you her body and soul and how you even can begin to think you know what went on in her life before you came into it.... (read in full...)
Boyfriend is careless and thoughtless when it comes to our relationship!
Q. I feel as though my boyfriend is thoughtless, conceited, forgetful, and more importantly careless when it comes to our relationship. To make a long story short, he forgot about me last Christmas and my birthday this year. He promised me several ...
A. 13 August 2013: if he gifts others on special occasions and not you, why are you even still with him?
do you think that talking to him will fix this?
clearly he can remember others on their birthdays and other events but he CHOOSES to not think about you.... (read in full...)
My 14 year old daughter gets attention from older guys
Q. Hi, I have a 14 year old daughter and if you looked at her (the way she dresses her makeup and how she acts) you would think she's at least 16. This doesn't worry me, she's very mature and beautiful and most people can't believe she's just 14. She's ...
A. 13 August 2013: As rare as this is, I totally disagree with WiseOwlE. FWIW I had my first child at 24 after 2+ years of marriage so that comment about having her in your teens was uncalled for.
Secondly it sounds very much like you have a GREAT relation... (read in full...)
We dated for 4 years, broke up and now 3 months later he's getting married! Why didn't he marry me?
Q. Hurt and angry about that my ex is about to marry his new girlfriend! Ex and I dated for 4 years. We had talked about marriage-it was a bit of a rocky relationship. He broke up with me, and less than two weeks later, he is already with someone new...
A. 12 August 2013: I am going to give you my POV
I don't think he was cheating... I think he just didn't want to get married TO YOU....
the problem is that we will as humans seek the path of least resistance and that often means staying in a relationship that ... (read in full...)
If someone likes you does it show in their eyes?
Q. Hi all, Hope you are all enjoying your weekend! My question might sound really dumb to many of you who are from countries with races with blue and green eyes, but for me who is from a country of people with black eyes is a new thing. I would l...
A. 12 August 2013: my husband had LIGHT blue eyes.. sometimes they look dark gray.. it has nothing to do with how he feels about me.... (read in full...)
Why do these women want to stay friends after we stop dating?
Q. Hi, Why do many girls I have dated, and we both like each other a lot, go cold, all stops, but want to stay in touch as friends? ...
A. 12 August 2013: because staying "friends" means you did not FAIL at a relationship.... "see we like each other but there was no sexual chemistry so we parted on good terms as friends"
it's the way to ease their guilt.
just say NO when they say "we can sti... (read in full...)
While visiting my LDR boyfriend he talked on the phone to a girl friend and left me in a store alone. Do I have a right to be upset?
Q. I am in long distance relationship with my boyfriend.. This time when we were at a store picking things up for the house,he got a call even before we entered the store from a friend who is a girl who happens to be in the same place and she wanted t...
A. 12 August 2013: did you ask him why he spent 20 minutes talking to a local friend instead of being with his LDR gf?... (read in full...)
I have put my trust in certain people who I'm am sadly finding out are hypocrites.
Q. I am in need of your advice on how to handle a situation that has come about...I am disillusioned and having a hard time dealing with the fact that I have put my trust in certain people who I'm am sadly finding out are hypocrites. I have written...
A. 12 August 2013: Live your life to please yourself not others.
If the relationship with the former SIL has turned toxic... end the friendship...
you are an adult and being told what to do by other adults is pointless on their part as all you have to say is N... (read in full...)
I need to break up with my boyfriend but I love him so much. How do I do this?
Q. Hi all. I REALLY need advice how to break up with someone, me and my LDR boyfriend have a great relationship and we have lots of laughs and fun, but right now I am going through problems in my life right now and cannot hold a relationship. ...
A. 12 August 2013: OH Drama Drama Drama. STOP being a victim here.
1. Call the police and have them escort you to get your things. Next time this person you have a restraining order against is in the same location as you… CALL THE POLICE.
2. How LDR are you ... (read in full...)
My fiance in arranged marriage is so cold to me. How do I make her feel what I feel?
Q. Hello all, I am engaged for more than a month. This is an arranged marriage. The problem is that my fiancee has been cold towards me since day one. We have discussed about this and she said she would like to be friends with me first before she...
A. 12 August 2013: so you expect that after the marriage was arranged by your families she magically could flip a switch and love you?
you have been engaged a month... I'm betting you two barely know each other much less love each other.
she sounds like s... (read in full...)
She said I need to date someone my age. What does she mean really?
Q. Dear Savants of Dear Cupid, You all have given me sage advise the numerous times I've ventured forth. You've saved me from wrecking my ship against the rocks, for which I thank you. A question: "What does this mean?" The tennis player conta...
A. 12 August 2013: IT means she thinks your expectations of who would want to date you are too high....... (read in full...)
Is it OK to tell my boyfriend that I want him to marry me?
Q. Hello, I'm writing here because I need some advice whether I should ask my boyfriend to marry me or not. I've been dating this guy for 18 months now. He was my coworker, he's around 10 years older than I am (I'm 27). When we started this ...
A. 12 August 2013: I don't think it's about his ego...
I think it's perfectly fine for you to say to him after 18 months that you think it's time to start making permanent plans.
Are you prepared for him to NOT want to marry you? What will you do? Will ... (read in full...)
How should I handle this situation? My parents would never agree to me going out with this senior
Q. There is a guy who is a senior and I am a freshman. (in high school) He is very sweet and isn't a perv who just wants to take advantage of me. He is very caring. I think he likes me because we have tennis together after school and he is always fl...
A. 12 August 2013: You are a freshman that means 8th grade that means 14/15
a senior is 17/18 thats nearly 4 years difference in age which after age 21 is not much but at 14/18 it's HUGE
I know you don't understand why your parents don't want you going... (read in full...)
I feel jealous when I see my b/f and friend together
Q. Dear Cupid, ok well, I wanted some advice. I have two best friends, a girl and a boy and the boy is my boyfriend, we are all very close. But whenever I see my friend hanging out with my boyfriend I get jealous, and I know it's stupid and I know tha...
A. 12 August 2013: jealousy is not an emotion rooted in love. being jealous does not mean you love him.
being jealous means you are insecure in the relationship and your standing with him.
why do you think this is?... (read in full...)
He says he'll leave his girlfriend for me when she comes back. Can I trust him?
Q. Hi everyone so I'm 16 and I need help! I became bestfriends with a guy(also 16) from my school when I moved near him as I didn't know anyone he was really nice and we went to work in the same place we'd walk to work together. I knew we were just ...
A. 12 August 2013: Oh dear...
his dad is right TOM has to choose... TOM is currently a liar and a cheater... what an upright fellow he is...
When gf gets back from her holiday he's either going to break up with her (which still makes him a liar and a cheater... (read in full...)
My step daughter texts her mom's b/f frequently and it makes me uncomfortable
Q. My stepdaughter Isabel who is 17 has been texting her mom's boyfriend a lot... I ask her what the heck they talk about - he says that he teases her a lot. They text pretty much every day, sometimes pretty late at night. I asked her if he's ever ...
A. 12 August 2013: hmmmm mom not having custody... if it was her choice then maybe it's not such a problem.. but if it's court ordered that dad has full custody it might be that mom is not very good at keeping child safe.
Sadly it's your step daughter so ... (read in full...)
The boyfriend, his ex and their child are going to the movies!
Q. Hey. This site always gives me great advice and I was wondering if you lovely people could give me your opinion. Dating boyfriend 1.5 years. He has a 6 year old daughter with an ex. Bit if history/ Seen as myself and my other half knew ...
A. 12 August 2013: I'm divorced with children who were 5 and 3 when we split.
I have a lovely CIVIL relationship with my ex and always did.
TRUST ME that I would NEVER do anything casual with my ex (like go to the movies) with our children.
As they... (read in full...)
Was he right to compare my body to a woman in a porn movie
Q. I've been dieting and lost 12 lbs thus far. I was doing this mainly to lose some tummy fat that settled as I have grown a little older. This seems to be the hardest area for me to lose it. My boyfriend, we are talking about marriage, and ha...
A. 12 August 2013: Gawd how does he manage to put one foot in front of the other?
Honey he has NO FILTER... I am sure he was just saying what was running through his brain...
IF on the other hand he truly believes you can or SHOULD look like a 20 something... (read in full...)
I've decided to break it off -- what's the best way to tell him?
Q. well here I am two years later with the same guy that I orginally had "the talk" with, not once but twice! First time it didn't phase our momentum of hooking up, but second time we didn't speak for 4 months and didn't see one another for like ...
A. 12 August 2013: I'm with Ciar about not contacting him.
calling him or sending him a text to tell him it's officially over gives him a reason to try to keep it going.
Since you have not seen or heard from him in a while, I would let it go and not contact h... (read in full...)
The people I work with are so horrible they won't even talk to me!
Q. Why are the people I work with so horrible? I got a new job a few months ago and the people there are just horrible. I've tried to get to know them but none of them have taken interest in getting to know me. I've given up starting small one...
A. 12 August 2013: do you work to support yourself or do you work to make friends?
Making friends at work is a side benefit of employment.
stop trying to force something that clearly is not going to happen..
get some hobbies outside of work that keep yo... (read in full...)
He stares at my lips while speaking. Does this mean anything?
Q. So there is an older man.. about 10 years older, I am 21... He is my superior at work. He's really smart and I find myself really attracted to him. Every time he is explaining something to me he looks at my lips while he speaks. And when he is t...
A. 12 August 2013: it means you have a crush and are looking for signs he returns your feelings...... (read in full...)
While visiting my LDR boyfriend he talked on the phone to a girl friend and left me in a store alone. Do I have a right to be upset?
Q. I am in long distance relationship with my boyfriend.. This time when we were at a store picking things up for the house,he got a call even before we entered the store from a friend who is a girl who happens to be in the same place and she wanted t...
A. 11 August 2013: I agree with Honeypie... all he needed to say was "hey FRIEND, I can't meet you this weekend my GIRLFRIEND is here" or even BETTER would have been
"hey friend, did you forget that my girlfriend his here this weekend, I'm sure I told you. wh... (read in full...)
Should I have confronted a married man in a restaurant who kept staring at my pretty daughter?
Q. My 19 year old daughter is very pretty. She along with my wife and I went to a popular restaurant for dinner last week. As we were being seated I see this middle aged guy sitting with his wife and kids staring at my daughter, he didn't take his eyes ...
A. 11 August 2013: perhaps his wife is aware of his predilection to rudely stare at younger women and allows him this much rope to hang himself.
you confronting him may have well embarrassed YOU if she had been like me and had given it back to you as badly as... (read in full...)
My wife doesn't want to tell me that I am not her best lover. Why does she lie?
Q. I met my wife when she was 40 (now she is 46). She told me that, among almost 30 previous sex partners, I am her best lover. I can not believe her. My penis is only 5 inches and normal thickness. I am not bad in bed, but I know I am not the best. ...
A. 10 August 2013: why do you ASSUME she is lying? why do you ASSUME you are not her best?
do you realize that part of being the best lover a woman can have is mental and NOT physical. I have had MORE lovers than your wife three times over easily and more than one... (read in full...)
Is there any way to love someone less?
Q. I love deeply my girlfriend of a year and a half, but I feel she does not love as much as I do. I know she loves me, just not as deeply as I woukd like. has anyone experienced the same thing? is there any way, method so I can love her less and be ...
A. 9 August 2013: exactly what about her behavior is painful for you?
in every relationship there are ebbs and flows... sometimes I love my hubby more than he loves me and sometimes he loves me more than I love him... this is normal...
what is it that she d... (read in full...)
Am I asking for trouble by dating my ex's uncle?
Q. I am dating my kids daddy's Uncle! and he doesn't want hie Family to know yet he say's! Am I being played / because sometimes I hear from him and sometimes I don't!...
A. 9 August 2013: and if you two end up together the kids and your ex have to call you auntie....
shades of "I am my own grandpa"
how long have you and kid's daddy been apart? were you ever married?
how long have you been dating kid's great uncle?
... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's phone CONSTANTLY beeps and his friends won't take him off the group message. It's driving me insane!
Q. My boyfriend is a great guy who treats me well. The only issue I have is he recently got an iphone and his group of friends (3 girls and 4 guys) have him on a group message. Now, precious to his getting an iphone he wasn't on any similar group text ...
A. 9 August 2013: phone on mute in another room works great... you don't hear the vibration and it won't ring then he can contact the group when he has time.
just because a phone rings or you get a text message does NOT mean you have to check it every time. ... (read in full...)
I don't get enough attention from him and he'll go days without texting or calling!
Q. Hello there, I've been with my boyfriend for about a year and a few months. We're two different people, with different interests, but somehow we love each other. I've always had problems with him not giving me enough attention, we could go for days...
A. 9 August 2013: I don't know why you are in it either since you are not getting what you need or want.
when you back off what happens... does he finally come looking for you wanting sex? And because you want to see him I'm betting you say yes and he comes an... (read in full...)
We have something good, but he's married and his wife refuses to divorce him! What should I do?
Q. I met this guy a 5 months ago. We get along well and are still getting to know each other. We have something good. Our previous relationships were painful for both of us and the things they he went through in the relationship were horrendous,...
A. 9 August 2013:
So he lied to you about being married ( a lie of omission is still a lie)
and he never told you but his BROTHER told you
did you not ask how he became disabled before this all came to light.
A woman who forced him to marry her so he co... (read in full...)
I took photos of her and the next day she had one of them on her facebook. Does she like me?
Q. Well the other day I took some, pictures of this beautiful girl non nude. In we hit it of great had a fun time doing it. And it's kind of funny, I never had a girl wan't me to take picture's of her. So could she maybe be into me. Because we had a ...
A. 9 August 2013: it means she liked the picture you took.... (read in full...)
My GF seem to want her mom-daughter see us have sex!. Why would this be?
Q. My girlfriend seems to be setting things up so that her daughter or her mother see us making love. Is this a more common desire for women than I realized? My girlfriend and I are sort of engaged to be engaged. she surrently lives with her mom and...
A. 9 August 2013: this is NOT a typical or normal response from a mature adult person. while being an exhibitionist is somewhat acceptable in certain enlightened circles, doing it for your mother or minor child is beyond normal even for my taste.
It sounds t... (read in full...)
I'm dating my best friend but she is the only female I'm attracted to. Am I gay, bi or what?
Q. Sorry, lengthy. Recently, my best friend came out to me, and told me that she liked me. Now, that's great and all, but I've never seen myself being with another girl. This lead to me being very confused about who I was, and what I wanted, be...
A. 9 August 2013: it makes you very normal. it's normal to wonder and question and experiment.
I consider myself bisexual but I'm currently in a monogamous marriage with a man and do not let others in male or female.
chigirl's response is perfect... r... (read in full...)
Can I leave him or am I trapped forever?
Q. I have lived with my husband for six years. I believe that I have always relied on men in the past and have had several abusive relationships. I suffer from deep seated fears/phobias from my childhood and agoraphobia (mild now). My husband has clin...
A. 9 August 2013: yes dear you can leave... you can create a support network and find places to go.
are there any local women's shelters you can contact? if so do so and find out what support is out there for you.... (read in full...)
Am I cheating if its just in my thoughts?
Q. I just don't know whether it is right or wrong to be in the situation which I am in right now. I am in a very fulfilling relationship with an amazing person. He loves me so much and ofcourse I love him back so much. And I am looking forward to ...
A. 9 August 2013: Being attracted to other people is normal and is not cheating.
You are partnered not dead.
Do you lead other people on? try to get them to want to be with you? I'm not talking about casual flirting, I do that but I make it clear I'm ... (read in full...)
I need some threesome advice!
Q. So my one of my bfs mates seemed to be coming on to me and when I was at the point of telling him to back off we ended up on the discussion of threesomes, my bf told him we had been looking for someone to do it with but had, had no luck. His mate ...
A. 9 August 2013: Tips and advice... JUST SAY NO...
you've agreed to solo... that's NOT a threesome.
and if you need advice on how to decline one on one after the threesome then you are not really up for this.
I had an open marriage... it was the b... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has stopped calling me
Q. For sometime now my bf has not called me,i've been the one calling,the last time i did we agreed to see each other when i come to campus but we didn't cos he didn't call to know if i have arrived so we could see and i didn't call him either cos i ...
A. 9 August 2013: if he's not calling you or making plans with you then he's just riding along in this relationship boat because it's easier for him than ending it.
IF you don't call him what happens? does he eventually call you for sex? if so, stop seeing ... (read in full...)
I think my interfering soon to be mother in law needs to mind her own business!
Q. Hi guys, I have another semi-unfortunate family-in-law issue. It basically revolves around my soon to be mother in law. My fiance and I became engaged after 10 years of great friendship and a year of dating. We now live together and share everyt...
A. 8 August 2013: as you two get older you will find that toxic parents (like your future MIL) are best left to just holidays and occasional visits.
you can pick your friends and your chosen family but you cannot pick your blood relatives and there is NO NEED to ... (read in full...)
I called my partner out on his lies, he promised to stop but doesn't show me as much affection anymore.
Q. I met my partner a year ago. It was wonderful to begin with, then I discovered his lies. Started with hiding porn, then he was mailing women behind my back when I was at work, then one evening on his phone he had signed up to a swingers website ...
A. 8 August 2013: I do not see a happy ending here for you.
He's lying
he's trying to get to swingers sites and have 3somes with or without you or your permission.
He's using you for money and vacations...
he knows he owns you because you continue to forg... (read in full...)
Is it normal for women not to have enjoyed sex when they were teenagers?
Q. This is something that really shouldn't mean anything I guess but I'm just curious about. My ex wife had slept with a guy 7 times as a teenager. She said she never enjoyed it and didn't want to do it.My current wife had slept with 2 guys as a ...
A. 8 August 2013: I did it as a teen and while I thought i liked it... i found out at 35 that teen sex has nothing on being a mature woman... if you had asked me at 20 if I enjoyed sex as a teen I would have said yes.
in hindsight, i had no clue...... (read in full...)
Should I wear a bra because my boyfriend think it's too sexual otherwise?
Q. Is it normal that my boyfriend constantly goes on about the fact that I should wear a bra? We've been having a very hot summer so far and I started leaving the house wearing tops but without a bra underneath. He says that it's obscene and ...
A. 8 August 2013: If the tops are sheer, or low cut or fall when you bend over and if you have ANY jiggle in your boobs (meaning they are not a firm A or B cup OR your nipples will get hard and show in AC, I think a bra is a good idea.
It may not be jealousy... (read in full...)
Is it normal for a person to be so involved in their work that intimacy is lacking in relationships?
Q. Normally you hear about men being obsessed with porn online, but in my case, it's a little bit different. I am 32 and have been with my partner, who's 34, for 4 years now. I am of Anglo-Dutch descent; English mother from Atherton, near Wigan, G...
A. 8 August 2013: I have this problem with my husband... just no drive.
I pointed out that I love the cuddles and kisses but that I missed the feeling of being WANTED by my man. (it's not the orgasms since I don't orgasm from sexual contact with him) it was the ... (read in full...)
I think my interfering soon to be mother in law needs to mind her own business!
Q. Hi guys, I have another semi-unfortunate family-in-law issue. It basically revolves around my soon to be mother in law. My fiance and I became engaged after 10 years of great friendship and a year of dating. We now live together and share everyt...
A. 8 August 2013: Unless your fiance agrees with his mother there is nothing to be done.
like you said it's between you and your fiance and not his mother.
IF he does NOTHING and just lets her vent and ignores her then that is his way of handling it and y... (read in full...)
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