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... Send *rPsych a private message | | | *rPsych's profile:Hello, I am a 39 year old psychologist from Witney, UK. I am married with one little boy, and I work part-time. I have been answering questions on DearCupid for a couple of years as I think it is an important resource. |
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He tells me he has no money... but I found out he's been spending it all on eBay!
Q. hello, i'm 31. have been with my guy for over 7 years. he is an apprentice solicitor about to qualify in december. for all these years i was the one to pay for the holidays of which there were many including 3 trips to the states.his money has gone...
A. 27 October 2006: I think this guy is taking advantage of your generous spirit. It is ok to carry each other through hard times but if he keeps promising things and then backing out (like the engagement ring) it sounds like he is stringing you along for your cheque ... (read in full...)
I'm 16 and he's my 33 year old tutor! He's flirting one day and ignoring me the next day! I'm so confused by this
Q. Hi, the problem is my tutor, im 16, he's 33, big gap i know but hey!. he keeps being flirty, but he has some days when he will completely blank me, n some when he seems so happy 2 c me he won't stop smiling! wa should i do, he is taking the class...
A. 25 October 2006: It is normal to have a crush on a teacher or adult role model, it is not normal for him to reciprocate this interest. In the UK it is illegal for a teacher to have a relationship with a pupil even though I understand you are above the age of ... (read in full...)
I want to be sexually active but still a virgin? Will he be able to tell I am inexperienced?
Q. im still a virgin but i am now sexual active! i really like this lad im seeing and i want things to happen between us, but im scared incase i mess up and im usless at everything!!! as i havnt had much expericane will he be able to tell? im not ...
A. 25 October 2006: Everyone is a virgin at some stage of their life and it is normal to be anxious! You are not supposed to know everything or be an expert. The chances are that your boyfriend won't be that experienced either so try not to worry. I would tell him ... (read in full...)
Does this guy want me or am I being taken for a fool?? What do you all think?
Q. Hi Guys, Apr06 I wrote to you about a married man who still wears his wedding ring. Well developments - He doesn't wear it anymore, and is divorced. He Kissed me, but we only seem to get friendly when we are drunk. I thought I was over him, and re...
A. 25 October 2006: Maybe he wants a relationship with you and maybe you are the 'stop gap' until someone else comes along. I think the only way you can find out is to talk to him about it. However, I do think that when men are into women then they tend to do the ... (read in full...)
Ladies...How do single/married females view separated/divorce man?
Q. Hi, I just got separated, after six month of marriage which was nothing but hell. well I am going through so much emotions, and it is hard, but deep inside me I know it would have never worked out, and it was just a big mistake. she wanted eve...
A. 25 October 2006: I don't think it matters so much these days as there are lots of separated and divorced people out there! However, if you have just come out of a short traumatic marriage then it is time to reflect on what went wrong, see the danger signs and not ... (read in full...)
How do I tell my online love, that the girl in the photos aren't me?? What should I do?
Q. I've done something kind of stupid which has all blown up in my face. I registered with an online forum just for fun and to kill some time really. I put photos up of a random, gorgeous girl and said it was me. I just thought it was harmless fun at ...
A. 25 October 2006: I don't think the photo should be the main concern here really. You say you are madly in love with this man but you obviously haven't met him yet, and he hasn't met you. Both of you may think you have feelings for each other but until you develop an ... (read in full...)
I'm 15 and never had a boyfriend!!!
Q. i'm a 15 year old. i've never had a boyfriend and all my other friends do. i'm quite jealous. but i'm so afraid to go up to guys and it's much harder because i go to a girls school. i really want a boyfriend but i don't think that i'm attractive in ...
A. 23 October 2006: Lots of people feel bad about themselves at your age...15 is a difficult age! However, it is totally normal NOT to have a boyfriend at 15 (or any other age for that matter). There is enormous pressure on teenagers to have a date these days but the ... (read in full...)
We split up and he still wanted to have sex....after turning him down he kisses someone else!
Q. i have been mates with a lad for over a year we met on line an recently met an ended up toghether relationship was brill then 1 day it just cum to an end so we stayed mates then few months ago he asked me for sex an no strings i ad to say no just ...
A. 20 October 2006: I got an idea...avoid the creep! The relationship didn't work out and it doesn't sound like your up for friends with benefits (I wouldn't be either in your shoes) so don't feel bad about the situation. He is entitled to kiss other girls because he ... (read in full...)
Why do I keep getting this pain followed by this mess?
Q. dear cupid, i have a real icky problem but here goes. recently i been feeling werid i get a twinge in my lower abdoman and then when i look in my knickers i have a very gooey mess its clear and it does smell or anythin but i gt loads of it wat is it ...
A. 20 October 2006: Urinary tract infection, thrush and a variety of STD's have these symptoms sometimes. Wise to get it checked out with a doctor - a simple swab of the area is enough to determine if you have a bacterial infection.... (read in full...)
He gives the pretty girls more attention than the ugly ones....should I worry?
Q. me and my bf are together for almost a year. he's perfect and very handsome but ever since we gone to the uni he's been talking to beautiful girls. (there are a lot of pretty girls in our uni) there are a lot of girls that flirt him talking to him ...
A. 20 October 2006: I think you shouldn't be so worried - he is going out with you at the end of the day. You cannot stop him talking to pretty girls, ugly girls...whoever he likes. If you are feeling insecure about your relationship more generally then try to talk to ... (read in full...)
He's been violent and cheated and just treats me real bad in general!
Q. bin with me partner 5 years i was 17 him 25, bin pregnant 10 times have 2 kids. he has been violent and cheated and hes just a twat in general.doesnt have the kids never done the night feeds and doesnt class what i do with the kids as being work. ...
A. 20 October 2006: I totally get the fact that he is a lousy partner...you can't do much about who he is and what he wants or does. You can do lots about who you are, what you put up with and who you choose to spend your life with. It may sound harsh but he behaves ... (read in full...)
We dated for a couple weeks and then he went weird! Said he doesn't want anything serious..what should I do?
Q. my boyfriend and i went out for 2 and a half weeks, everything was amazing and going great,then he just starts acting wierd, and says that he doesnt want a serious relationship and wants to go out and have fun and is afraid he will hurt me and all ...
A. 20 October 2006: There is very little you can do unfortunately. You only dated for a short time - think of it as a bit of a fling that didn't work out and move on. You cannot change his feelings towards you and it doesn't sound like he is that into you. That doesn't ... (read in full...)
My Internet guy says he loves me... but I'm 28 with a child and a boyfriend, and the 'net guy is 18 and 6 hours away!
Q. hi, well ive met this guy on the internet and he keeps saying he loves me,dnt know what to do im 28 with a child and boy friend i dnt get on with this guy is only 18, and says im right for him i do really like him he also live 6 hrs away ,plz help ...
A. 20 October 2006: You put the brakes on that rollercoaster into disaster that you are riding on and start to think calmly and rationally about the whole situation.
1. He is 18 and you are 28: I am in an age-gap marriage but my husband is in his 20's so had chance t... (read in full...)
My dream is to be a hairdresser with my own salon.. Trouble is no one will help start me off and this is really depressing me!
Q. My dream is to be a hairdresser with my own salon one day, but im unemployed at the moment having done my level 2 at college no-one will give me a chance. I sacrificed so much to do this and im not going to give up but its reali starting to get me ...
A. 19 October 2006: You need to get experience to impress the salons...why not find out about charities in your area while you are unemployed that need hairdressers. I am sure there are lots of community groups out there working with older people, people with mental or ... (read in full...)
Any advice on where I begin my career as a freelance photgrapher?
Q. I am six months away from finishing a fine art/photography degree. I would like to work as a freelance photographer, but don't really know where to begin. Any advice?...
A. 19 October 2006: Talk to a business advisor and your bank manager about starting up your own business. Write a clear business plan setting out what you would like to do and achieve in the next few years for your business. Do some market research about what ... (read in full...)
He was already in a relationship but said he wanted to be with me but when they split he didn't come to me and eventually went back to her!
Q. Hi, ok me and this guy talked for a really long time even though he was already in a relationship. He told me that he wanted to be with me and he loved me, not long after he ended it with his girl. I thought that he would come to me but obviously ...
A. 19 October 2006: Ok stop beating yourself up - everyone makes mistakes and this guy is your mistake. Firstly, he never planned for you to be no.1 girlfriend...you were the bit on the side...sorry to be harsh, I don't mean to be nasty but that is how he saw the ... (read in full...)
Does he still have feelings for me?? What should i do??
Q. what does a guy mean when you go out with him then become friends then go out then friends again and then he starts flirting with a lot but he has a girlfriend and if someone asks him if he was flirting with me he says hell no then the next day he ...
A. 19 October 2006: SSTTTTTooooppppppp...I think you have been drinking too much cola...your head is buzzing with questions but there is one answer - he is just a guy playing the field, it didnt work out with you two and it just wont in the future. You cannot make him ... (read in full...)
I know guys like the chase but It's his birthday! Should I go ahead and plan something special? ?
Q. Dear Cupids, I have been seeing a guy for nearly 2 months now and I think we are exclusive as the other night he said his older cousin had mentioned he was happy to hear he was with a girlfriend. We are both in our late 20's he is is a couple ...
A. 19 October 2006: I think you two have known each other for a little while and it would be perfectly reasonable for you to arrange something special for his birthday - if the guy has any sense he will be chuffed to bits! So book that table, get yourself all dressed ... (read in full...)
Are we sex addicts?
Q. Ok i need some advice guys...! Ive been with my bf for almost a year now, the relationship is up and down, due to the fact that he doesnt seem to trust me fully and jealously issues AND we argue a ALOT!!!.. but our sex life is CRAZY, we see each...
A. 19 October 2006: I know it maybe tempting to 'test' him but the game playing will just end in misery. there is nothing wrong in having a highly sexual relationship as long as both of you are happy. It seems to me that you are not 100% happy with the arrangement and ... (read in full...)
My partner doesn't give me any love since the baby was born!
Q. My partner just rubishes everything i do. No love since the baby 22 months ago. I work hard and give all my time and money to us, but I feel the one left out. she has two children to a previous relationship and one we have together. I treet them al ...
A. 19 October 2006: Maybe you are doing nothing wrong - maybe she has some issues that she is taking out on you. Have you considered asking her to see a doctor...postnatal depression is very common and treatable for instance.... (read in full...)
How can I stop myself getting hurt by every lad?
Q. how can i stop myself gettin hurt by evry lad?...
A. 19 October 2006: It is all about self respect and liking yourself enough not to need other people. Everyone feels lonely sometimes but a lad...any random lad...will not fill that void so by all means date lots of guys but don't get deeply involved with them until ... (read in full...)
14 yeasr old and I'm pregnant..what should I do?
Q. im 14 nd ad sex wit ma ex now i think im preganant wat shoudl i do?...
A. 19 October 2006: I totally disagree with the first post as the question of a teenager having a baby is not an opportunity to preach religious belief - everyone is entitled to their own religious beliefs and there are more pressing and urgent issues in this case. ... (read in full...)
I wanna know how to ask him out!
Q. i want to go to the pictures with this lad....... and i wanna take it a step further with him how do i 1) ask him out ...
A. 19 October 2006: It depends how brave you are! You could just ask him out but some boys maybe a bit scared off by that. You could try to get to know him - like be friends to start with - as you may find you have little in common after all. You could try inviting him ... (read in full...)
I slept with him and now...he ignore me! What do I do?
Q. I really like this guy stu he has been asking for my number for months i finally gave him it and we started texting he was being dead sweet, i went round his and we slept together and every friday when we are out i go back to his. but now he n...
A. 19 October 2006: I agree with Irish49 - leave the guy alone and stop going places where he is hanging out in the 'hope' that he will take you home. You deserve someone to treat you special and you cannot change other people - that means you cannot change him into ... (read in full...)
Are you single? Please reply here!
Q. Hi everyone Andrew, site guy here.. Just doing a poll to see how many visitors to the site are SINGLE and would be interested in a (free, of course) DearCupid dating service. Just reply to this post. Thanks! A....
A. 19 October 2006: Ok I am not single but I am not sure it is good idea...lots of people come to this website who are feeling a bit vulnerable for one reason or another...and internet dating is the LAST THING they need. If they are interested in that sort of thing ... (read in full...)
My husbad had an affair with our 17 year old babysitter!
Q. my husband and i were married 2 years when he cheated on me with our 17 year old babysitter. this affair was on going 6 months before i found out. we went to marrage counciling to save our marrage. now almost 2 years later i still can not de...
A. 18 October 2006: I usually would say that couples should try to stay together and work through their issues - after all there must have been 'something between you' to warrant a marriage. However, in your case it does seem there are rather a lot of issues going on ... (read in full...)
Sex has waned between us..so why do I feel frustrated and inadequate, as a result?
Q. cI am a musician(35) currently in a relationship with a woman, a circus performer(31) whom I have known for some time but only been going out with for 5 months. We met in a whirlwind kind of way, and I was completely swept off my feet, for the first ...
A. 18 October 2006: It is nice you are in love with this woman and it is nice that you want her physically; all you have to do is bring some proper balance to your relationship as you sound like different people with different needs and wants inside and outside the ... (read in full...)
She broke my heart but still flirts with me!!
Q. So what do you do when your girlfriend broke your heart, but still flirts with you a lot ...
A. 13 October 2006: It depends if you want her back or not. Perhaps she is sorry about the relationship breakup; perhaps she is a naturally flirty person. If you dont wish to go back with her then perhaps you should avoid her for a while until you are over the ... (read in full...)
Am I being an idiot here?
Q. Guys, opinions please?? If you are going out with someone for maybe six months and then you get crabs ( havent cheated with anyone) does this mean they have cheated? He noticed he had it first and asked me about it, raised a few questions about ...
A. 13 October 2006: It is possible to get crabs from non-sexual contact (shared bed linen is the usual culprit) but it is unusual because it requires fairly close contact (...you have to share a bed, linen, towels etc with someone else). The important thing to do is ... (read in full...)
Why does he think it's embarrassing that I like him??
Q. hi. there is this guy in college we are on the same course and in the same tutor group, he is 17 and im 21, and thats not much of an age gap - its 4 years. but the thing is he knows half the people round my street, who i know to and he is mates wi...
A. 13 October 2006: It could be for a variety of reasons - he may not feel the same way about you and there finds it 'embarrassing' to have to see you at college knowing you fancy him, he may have a problem with the age-gap even if you don't, he may not be ready for a ... (read in full...)
My married man has not called me yet?? I'm so confused!
Q. well i started talking to a work man, he asked for my email i gave it him ,then couple days later asked for my phone number, then i didnt see him for 4 days wen i did he said ill be getting phone weekend ill phone u,but still nothing after,5 days he ...
A. 13 October 2006: Why would you want to settle for such a 'date'? The guy is married with a child - this relationship can never even go anywhere...apart from you getting used as a 'bit on the side'. You should feel sorry for his wife, feel better about yourself than ... (read in full...)
I have a good male friend who is married and he's been coming on hard and fast! What does this all mean?
Q. I've been good friends with this guy now who's 26 now for about a good month or more now, but the thing is that he's married and we catch up usually 1-2 times sometimes more, a month cos he's so busy with work. But what im trying to figure out, he ...
A. 13 October 2006: You are 'friends with benefits'...only there are no real 'benefits' for you. You crossed the line of friendship into something more sexual when you touched him etc; the problem is that it is just a sexual thing for him...it isn't romantic, he isn't ... (read in full...)
When someone does something nasty to me I end up thinking it's my fault!!!
Q. I have a problem I never seem to be completely happy and whem somebody does something nasty to me, specially men I try to justify it and end up thinking it's my fault I feel nervous many times and I don't feel confortable with some of my friends as ...
A. 12 October 2006: You should seek specialist help - maybe your feelings about what other people have done to you in the past are justified (...if they have been awful to you) but you shouldn't let it ruin the rest of your life as not everyone is nasty and paranoia ... (read in full...)
He went of to uni and now has changed! I am afraid he might dump me..what can I do?
Q. Please some one help me i need some advice. I am sixteen years old and very mature for my age i also look alot older, i usually get mistaken for being about 19-22. i have a older boyfriend who is turning 20 on Monday, he has recently gone back to ...
A. 11 October 2006: When people go to Uni. they sometimes change - new people, new experiences - you cannot change that and maybe you will change if you go to Uni. in a few years time. What you have got to realise is that you cannot control people or make them be with ... (read in full...)
Could I be up the duff?
Q. Hi. I recently changed my contraceptive pill and had unprotected sex during the week i was 'unsafe' does this mean im pregnant? What should i do now?...
A. 11 October 2006: Errr...yes, well it could do...but there is only one way to find out...wait until your period was due (or thereabouts) and take a pregnancy test. Taking a test too early can be unreliable.... (read in full...)
How do men get free sex without having to pay for it?
Q. Hi!, i need to ask a question that eveyone escapes from or ignores, without being offensive. How do men get free sex without having to pay for it. More and more men are struggling to get free sex. Its a growing problem that needs to be solved, its ...
A. 11 October 2006: More men are paying for sex than lions, crocodiles and bears...they are probably paying for it in more ways than one if the increased rate of STD infections is anything to go by.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/4482970.stm
... (read in full...)
Can you get hold of the contraceptive pill anonymously?
Q. Is it possible to get hold of the pill anonymously and without yor family GP knowing?...
A. 11 October 2006: It depends where you are, and your age. However, in most countries doctors are bound by medical confidentiality - certainly in the UK you can get the contraceptive pill from a family planning clinic and request that your attendance not be sent to ... (read in full...)
She was size 10-12... But she can't stay away from cakes and chocolate and her weight has ballooned and I don't find her attractive!
Q. Im 21 and i've been with my partner for just over 4 years now. We've been together since we were 17 and i think we have a good relationship, but i feel very unattracted to her now. when we 1st got together she was a size 10-12 now she is a size 16+ ...
A. 11 October 2006: I think you should stop looking at this from your point of view and start seeing it from hers. Your need for a barbie girl is far less important than her need to get medical help if she is binge-eating on junk food. If you think she is 'the one' ... (read in full...)
We were long distance for 6 years, why did he continue to live with his wife but claim to love me ?
Q. hi..i am a 27 year old female, was living in a long distance relationship with a man, 33 now, for 6 years.can someone plse help me understand why cant a married man, who claims that he loves someone else yet continue to live with his wife ( married ...
A. 11 October 2006: Relationships with married people are nearly always doomed to fail because (a) they are complicated by definition and (b) they are always founded on lies. He was technically cheating on his wife with you - he had made a commitment to her and there ... (read in full...)
This man is a predator and I want to make him pay. Please advise!
Q. I really need help. Recently my cousin told me that she thinks someone she works with is getting engaged to my ex. I felt really awful when she brought him up because I didn't care to know about him! I was 19 when I emt him and he was 26...he took ...
A. 10 October 2006: There are two issues here. (i) YOu are feeling angry about the past and (ii) you are worried about this new woman. You can do a lot about the first one but not much about the second. Get some more counselling as you should try not to let this man ... (read in full...)
When is the best time to get pregnant?
Q. is there a certain time of the month you can pregnant?or things you can do to help?...
A. 10 October 2006: Conception is 'usually' more likely around 7 to 10 days after your last period (if you are regular). However, every woman is slightly different so some couples use ovulation kits to determine when is the best time to try. Conception is more likely ... (read in full...)
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