A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I have a problem I never seem to be completely happy and whem somebody does something nasty to me, specially men I try to justify it and end up thinking it's my fault I feel nervous many times and I don't feel confortable with some of my friends as they were nasty to me in the past he only way out I see is to stay home, sleep, internet or text messages to a bloke who only wanted sex and I want to be my boyfriend I think about it little as I do not want to get sad or depressed do you think I should go to an specialistthanks in advance
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female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (12 October 2006):
 This is a problem you need to address pretty soon or you will find it gets to big to handle on your own. I am pretty sure you are on the way to developing a social phobia, if you are not already there. Also, there are elements in your message which suggest a bit of a persecution complex/ paranoia and this seriously needs to be addressed right now.
Remove yourself from the toxic situations that are causing you to feel this way. I presume you are fairly young, is there anybody you can speak to such a as school counseller who will be able to listen and set you on the right track? Sitting at home dwelling on this and contemplating you navel is no way to deal with this situation. Find somebody trustworthy to confide in and ask for help. I think you need to get some before this situation ends up with you becoming clinically depressed or paranoid.
A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (12 October 2006):
 You should seek specialist help - maybe your feelings about what other people have done to you in the past are justified (...if they have been awful to you) but you shouldn't let it ruin the rest of your life as not everyone is nasty and paranoia can be very debilitating too. People suffering from depression often ruminate (dwell on) negative things that have happened to them in the past in order to justify and make sense of their current mood. It is a treatable disorder. Counsellors can be helpful - seek out a cognitive behavioural therapist - in overcoming such problems. As for your internet dating - well personally I think you should leave those websites alone until you are feeling better about yourself and more confident about interpersonal issues. Internet dating maybe a vicious circle for you - you meet bad people who just reinforce your view that people are bad...when you are feeling better about things you will be less vulnerable to exploitation by such people and better at spotting the 'good guys'. You may not even be in the right frame of mind to benefit from a romantic relationship at the moment - a boyfriend won't cure your pattern of thinking and may distract you from dealing with the real issues right now.
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A
female
reader, camille +, writes (12 October 2006):
 It may help to go see someone but what I can tell you is that you need to work on the self, on you. Try to build your self-esteem and confidence in yourself, but... also self-respect. Basically there are many men/boys who will not be too interested in you once you have slept with them. Don't think it makes you more desirable as girlfriend material, because generally speaking it doens't. You end up getting used and in turn, hurt.
If you work on your confidence, you'll find you won't tolerate people treating you badly and that will result in you giving time to people who matter. That'll bring new friends worth having. Boyfriends will follow. Surround yourself with people who see the good in you and don't put up with anything less or you'll just perpetuate this vicious circle and get stuck thinking it's you, when it's not, but you are allowing it. Break free of the dead wood.
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